I thought of another one, with the appropriate minor embarrassment attached.
I grew up in New Jersey. I’ve lived most of my life here. I went to college in Boston, and after living there for a year, I brought my car up with me and got an apartment. Imagine my confusion the first time I pulled up to a gas station and nobody came to help me. I must have sat there for five minutes, just waiting.
Finally, my boyfriend pointed out to me that I was expected to pump the gas myself. This was unheard of to me! He was from Pennsylvania, and knew full well how to pump gas. My roommate, in the back seat, was from Maine, and was also capable of tackling the rather daunting task.
But they decided it was time for me to learn a valuable lesson in World Knowledge. I overfilled the tank and got gas all over the place. But, to my credit, I learned from my mistake, and can now pump gas like a pro, even at the stations that take away the little latchy thing that lets the pump stay on by itself while you go get a soda.
Funny you should mention this. We had a rotary phone in our house for many years. It was hilarious watching my friends when they’d come over and have no idea how to use it
Of course, I shouldn’t laugh. I also cannot cook. At all. Its not so much that I’m incompetent (at least I hope not), its just one of those things that I’ve never put any effort into learning.
I can make some really complex dishes (a homemade cake from memory with a golden sugar casing, Indian food, French cuisine, etc.), but for the life of me, I cannot make Rice Krispies treats. I just can’t do it. I’ve never been able to figure out how NOT to burn the marshmallows.
I am clueless about riding buses as well. I would have to depend on a friend to travel with me and explain the route as well as the procedure for paying the fare and so forth. The funny thing is, my wife has already taught me very well how to travel by bus in Rio, so I would do just fine there. (for the record, in Rio, you enter the back of the bus; they have a turnstyle and a fellow who makes change from a plain cash drawer.)
I am happy to see that the kids around my house who don’t know how to tie their shoes or read analog clocks are not weird.
About those phones – anyone who wants a dial phone should stop by oldphones.com. I ordered a nice black desk model from there a couple of years ago and visitors always find it pleasing. The very same children who don’t appreciate the subtleties of analog time seem to enjoy dialing up their friends on a true dial phone.
I have one quite similar to that; every now and again, I’ll be using a lift(elevator) to descend from the middle floor of a department store, someone else will have pressed the ‘down’ button, we’ll get into the lift and I’ll press the ground floor button and they will press a button for a floor above. The lift will proceed downwards, then a conversation will begin:
Them: You made it go down! I wanted to go up! Me: But you pressed the ‘down’ button outside… Them: Yes, because I wanted the lift to come ‘down’, so that I could get in. Me: Either of the buttons calls the lift; you’re supposed to press the ‘up’ button if you want to call the lift, then go up… Them: But I wanted the lift to come down to me… Me: It would do that anyway; either of the buttons calls the lift; they are to tell the system which way you want to go after you get in, that’s why we’re going down now, because you called the lift with the ‘down’ button.
**Them: ** <blankest possible look of complete, bleak, utter non-comprehension>
At age 34 I still have a hard time remembering how to lace up a pair of shoes. I’m glad I am not the only one in the world who has this problem.
Other things I would not know how to do if confronted with such tasks:
Change a tire
Check my car’s oil
Iron clothing
Washes dishes by hand (I leave spots on mine, I need an automatic dishwasher)
I also can’t cook worth a damn, either.
All I know is I wish they would put a friggen practice ATM next to the real ones. And you wouldn’t be allowed to use a real one until you successfully used the practice one.
At various times while I was in college, I have taught people how to:
make a grilled cheese sandwich
iron clothes
make a bed
do laundry
chop an onion
And this was Berkeley, where people are supposed to be smart. Although maybe they could be those absent-minded genius types. But nothing here so far has beaten the OP. That is truly stoooopid! If I was in the elevator, I’d be looking for the hidden cameras, convinced that it was all an elaborate joke.
My company once had an intern who had been photo editor of her college newspaper. My boss told her to take a camera with her to an event and take photos.
She took six rolls with her. When we gopt the film back, there was not one single usable photo. Everything was over- or underexposed, out of focus, photos of the top of the subject’s head or soles of their shoes, etc. She left left the back of the camera open with one roll.
My boss said “I thought you were the photo editor of your newspaper?”
“I was.” she cried. “The staff took photos, and I picked out which ones to use.”
My 27 year old sister can’t tell time. My 26 year old sister needs 2 bunny ears to tie her shoes. Neither of them has any clue how to use a computer. My mother starts fires trying to boil water.
I have no problem with these skills.
However, the 3 of them are very creative. My mother is a musician. My oldest sister is a halfway decent artist. My middle sister draws and writes very well. I can’t do any of these. I’d give up any of my simple skills for one of their creative ones.
I know a gal who never knew you are supposed to dilute Campbell’s Condensed Chicken Noodle Soup. This was years ago when there was nothing BUT condensed soup on the store shelves. I was dumbfounded.
I once had a warehouse worker get upset and quit on me when told that he had to participate in the annual inventory. I learned later that he couldn’t count past twelve and could barely read. I was stunned! I knew he had dropped out of school, but it must have been elementary school!
In a word: patience. You must leave the stove on a setting that’s between “Low” and “Medium” (never turn it above “Medium”!) and keep stirring. Constantly stirring. It also helps tremendously if you use miniature marshmellows rather than the large variety. Oh, and you did put the required butter in the pan and get that all melted before putting the marshmellows in the pan, right? Then when you add the marshmellows, try to get all of them covered with the melted butter (this not only helps the marshmellows begin to melt, but helps you to know that you are thoroughly stirring the marshmellows). Lastly, as soon as the last lump is gone from the melted marshmellows, remove the pan from the stove and immediately add the Rice Krispies, in stages, i.e. add maybe a sixth of the total, stir to get the mixture even, add another sixth, stir to get everything all even, etc.
Trust me, I make the best Rice Krispie Treats on the west coast.
So you’re saying that your boyfriend and the person in the backseat sat there in silence for five minutes before it dawned on them to tell you that you were supposed to pump the gas yourself? Seems like a lack of some kind of skill on their part…
I have the same issues with Jello. It will never set, especially if I’ve put anything in it. I don’t even like Jello, so the issue doesn’t come up very often. One time, though, we were staying in the home of friend and she asked me to make some Jello for her. She has some serious food issues and was on a crazy self-invented diet that involved eating nothing but jello and raw vegetables during the day. So she asked me to make her daily pan of jello and cukes one afternoon when she was busy, and I managed to screw it up somehow. It was pretty embarassing, since I have some reputation as a cook.
