Post your mundane explicable stories here, and I will bunk them

[tnetennba]

@Wile_E

I read a thread in GQ a few days ago asking why they need medical personnel to declare someone deceased when they are rotting and covered in flies and it reminded me of an episode of CSI:Miami where they find a supposed corpse covered in maggots, then the corpse blinks. So maggots don’t always equal dead but I forgot to post that in the thread. Anyway, a local station showed an old CSI: Miami Saturday night and it was the episode I had recently been reminded of by that thread.

So, just coincidence? Did the tv programmers read my mind and decide to air that episode? Or did they read the Dope and have the same idea I did and decide to air that episode? Is that the only episode they ever show in syndication (it’s the one where Horatio puts his sunglasses on at the end)?

A writer for the show asked the question in GQ when writing that episode, but used a time machine to ask the question several years after the show aired so she wouldn’t spoil the episode for anyone. Although you didn’t post it there, you did post it here, and she saw it and incorporated it into the program. You saw it in syndication because (again, having seen this thread) she made arrangements to make show the episode was airing in your area so there wouldn’t be a big fuck-up in the space-time continuum, it’s a requirement of using time machines to put everything forward the way you found it.

[tnetennba]

@Bam_Boo_Gut

I don’t have a job at the moment, but now and again I’ll do a half day’s work for this printer guy. This morning he called me and asked if I could do a half day’s work today. WTF?

Also, on my way to his shop I stopped to buy some biscuits called “Shirley” - the weird thing is, there was no further mention of anyone called Shirley for the entire day. I did type an invoice for someone called Sheila though.

You’re actually a fictional character created for a Shirley Cookie company who escaped his temporary and hypothetical reality. There are reality agents headed your way right now.

[tnetennba]

@Claude_Remains

My daughter is on vacation with her nanny. She called yesterday to tell me that when they went to visit her mommy’s grave it was the only one in sight that had wild flowers growing. Five flowers. She was so exited to tell me about it and was trying to figure out the reason behind there being five flowers. It was so sweet I had to choke back the blubbering while I was on the phone.

That is rather sweet and I’m not going to bunk with it. It’s obvious that angels planted those flowers so your daughter knows her mother loved her. I’m not sure what the significance of “five” is, bet I’ll bet your daughter does.

[Cat_Whisperer]

@cricetus

I think it’s more likely that you are extremely susceptible to the emotional residue of other people who’ve eaten at the restaurant recently; you are most susceptible to the most-eaten meals, ergo, you are inclined to order something that was popular over the evening and/or last few days and for that reason the restaurant may be out.

That’s exactly what I suspected.

[Bam_Boo_Gut]

@cricetus

You’re actually a fictional character created for a Shirley Cookie company who escaped his temporary and hypothetical reality. There are reality agents headed your way right now.

But, I’m a girl … or I thought I was, and they’re biscuits not cookies, or I thought they were.

[outlierrn]

@cricetus

Since “Cricetus” means “hamster,” I can’t take this flattery to be a mere passing thing, but a recognition of fellow nobility among burrowing rodents. Your highness.

Get a bed of wood shavings, you two.

[EvilTOJ]

Oh my god this thread is full of the crazy! How do I get out of here? Help! HEELLLLLLLLP!!!

[armedmonkey]

I see images of dead people all the time. They walk. They talk, but they never talk directly to me. If I say something to them they don’t respond. They appear in shades of grey with with soft fuzzy outlines. I’ve managed to catch some of them on film and posted it on youtube here. It’s a bit spooky.

[Shagnasty]

People always want to be my servant and I don’t know why. There are a bunch of buildings around where I live and I like to walk around a lot and marvel at their grandeur. Other people seem to as well because there are usually other people in them as well. When I am walking around looking in the pretty rooms, people are always saying “Sir! Can I help you. Sir! Can I help you.” Thanks but I don’t need a servant. I just want to look around. Why are people throwing themselves at me like that? Why don’t they come around when I need something done at my place?

[Cat_Whisperer]

@EvilTOJ

Oh my god this thread is full of the crazy! How do I get out of here? Help! HEELLLLLLLLP!!!

You can check out, but you can never leave.

[Superhal]

I’m trapped in a crazy world where nobody knows math.

[Claude_Remains]

@A Monkey With a Gun

I see images of dead people all the time. They walk. They talk, but they never talk directly to me. If I say something to them they don’t respond. They appear in shades of grey with with soft fuzzy outlines. I’ve managed to catch some of them on film and posted it on youtube here. It’s a bit spooky.

I see em too. In color, and they talk right to me!

[Superhal]

There’s some sort of mysterious beam emanating from miniskirts that causes me to lose consciousness for seconds at a time.

[GuanoLad]

When I spell words correctly, the spellchecker underlines them as if they’re wrong!

Is it a huge American Government conspiracy?

[Cicero]

@cricetus

Biffy, the object you were looking for was probably mad at you over some real or imagined slight (things have souls and feelings.) ?

I always believed shoes had souls.

[Diogenes_the_Cynic]

I know that a duck’s quack doesn’t echo, but yesterday I saw some ducks going under a bridge and I’m positive their quacks made an echo. What makes those ducks so special? Were they giving me a message?

[Little_Nemo]

It’s a mob thing. You don’t want to get mixed up in it.

No problem. I’m from New York. I understand how these things work.

[tnetennba]

@Superhal

I’m trapped in a crazy world where nobody knows math.

I suspect there’s something in the tap water that makes people careless about numbers; it’s put there by the entertainment-news complex so people will play the lottery and not ask questions during reports on opinion polls.

[tnetennba]

@A Monkey With a Gun

I see images of dead people all the time. They walk. They talk, but they never talk directly to me. If I say something to them they don’t respond. They appear in shades of grey with with soft fuzzy outlines. I’ve managed to catch some of them on film and posted it on youtube here. It’s a bit spooky.

Nothing to worry about, just portals to the past that open up once in a while.

[tnetennba]

@Superhal

There’s some sort of mysterious beam emanating from miniskirts that causes me to lose consciousness for seconds at a time.

I’m sorry, you will have to post extensive photographic records of what you’re talking about before I can come up with a workable hypothesis.