Yes, save that for another thread. Feel free to make it yourself, if you want…but end this very long hijack that you’ve started right now, in this one.
In theory, that’s the whole point of having it.
I’m sorry for your pain, Frosty Camel, and hope you can find yourself in a better place eventually. Reported your title for fixing too (you can report your own posts, it’s the triangle on the top right corner of a post).
What state? I ask this because there are lots of misconceptions about sex offender lists. As seen in the other recent thread for some reason people think its filled with people who pissed in public or had sex with their girlfriend. That is certainly not the case where I work. But I know the law is different from state to state. I’m curious what the law is there.
Why the fuck should anyone care what he wants?
Unbelievable.
(Saw mod note; refraining from further comment.)
FrostyCamel, I don’t know what I would be doing in your situation. I don’t think that you should contact the guy anytime soon. I don’t think that it would be productive for you. Give it some time and revisit the issue in a year. As others have said, I think that you are trying to find an explanation or meaning in a tragic event, and I’m not sure that such a thing is possible.
I don’t really have any advice for you on the rage, but you have my condolences.
I thought its purpose was so the police and other officials could keep track of these people, not so just anyone could look it up. I don’t get why they can.
EDIT: that’s intended as on topic discussion, the OP was talking about how being on it for ridiculous reasons can ruin lives.
Has anyone pitted this yet?
For what it’s worth, Frosty Camel, I think you did the right thing. You took the emotional energy to find the person inside of [what seemed like] the evil monster that tore your family from you and perhaps got some solace that can help you heal. At least now you’ve got a possible answer to “why” instead of having to be tormented by that question for the rest of your life.
You don’t have to have contact with him. As it has been said, what happened to this guy had absolutely nothing to do with you. If you feel like you’ve gained an acceptable understanding then you don’t need to do anything more. Forgive him or not, your choice. But I think you did a healthy thing by finding the human part of this guy, and while his circumstances don’t mitigate his punishment (or bring back to you what you’ve lost,) it will help you as you work through your grief.
My heart is certainly with you right now.
You’re out of line.
Frosty Camel, I’ve not read a story this sad in a long time, nor have I been as moved by one’s efforts to make some sense of the event and continue with a meaningful life. I’m not sure we can ever know how a different path chosen by another would play out later, but if that direction helps you with your grief then you’re certainly due the right to pursue that. In the end, I hope you find the peace you need and a firm foundation to move on with your own life.
It’s interesting, because this attitude is exactly what Frosty Camel is talking about – our assumption that certain activities are automatically a sign of a sick mind.
What the kid did would never have been an issue back 40 years ago. Sure, there were laws against statutory rape, but in a case as described, no one would prosecute the case. Now, prosecutors have to get tough on “sex offenders” (no matter how minor the offense) in order to prove they’re doing their job. There is no meaningful differentiation between different types of sex offenders, too – two teenagers who have sex are hardly a threat to the community, nor is every sex offender a pedophile. While the laws do differentiate, people do not.
The fear of stalking is even more widespread and, in most cases, silly. Stalkers do exist, but someone looking up public information on a person – especially in this case, where it’s clearly a way of coping with loss – is not illegal, or even rare. You may find it “creepy” if Frosty_Camel looks up information about the kid, but not when your bank goes into personal information for a loan? Or a college? Or a telemarketer? How about if I’m doing genealogy research and discover a long-lost cousin? Should I not be looking?
I see this sometimes with teenagers: a boy likes a girl (or vice versa) and they’re afraid to talk to them for fear of being called a stalker. Teenagers are learning how to deal with the opposite sex (or same sex), and it’s idiotic to make them afraid to strike up a conversation with someone.
Stalking, to have any meaning whatsoever, doesn’t mean finding out information. It’s using that information to bother someone else when the other person makes clear they don’t want to be bothered. Just gathering public information is harmless in itself.
I guarantee that every month someone is looking for you online; if you’re that paranoid, become a hermit.
That is why I asked about the jurisdiction. I varies widely between jurisdictions. I am not calling the OP a liar. I know in some places the age of consent rules are screwy. But in my state what was described would not be illegal because the age difference is not great enough. If this were a case were it was prosecuted and found guilty, not all are treated the same way. There would be no picture posted in the elementary school. In my state the offenders are tiered by how bad the original offense was and other factors. The less dangerous ones like in the OP are deemed tier 1. Only tier 2 and 3 offenders appear in the online data base. Tier 1s are tracked strictly for law enforcement purposes. An online search would not show that he is a sex offender. It would take an OPRA request. So I’m curious as to what the law is there. Regardless, it doesn’t give anyone an excuse to drive drunk and kill people.
At the risk of continuing the hijack…
Sevencl, your situation sounds very different. It sounds like there have been multiple HIPAA violations. Have you looked into that?
Frosty Camel, I’m so sorry to hear about this tragedy. I don’t know what to say. 
Frosty Camel, I am saddened by your story, but I also have a great deal of respect for you that you’ve had the strength to persevere and put forth effort toward forgiveness. Forgiveness is always a difficult path, and I can only imagine that it’s magnitudes more difficult in your situation than the losses that I’ve endured.
For your effort, that you’ve come to realize that the person who has wronged you is a human being is a huge and especially difficult step in your grief. As you’ve pointed out, it’s easy to just brand him as a drunk sexual deviant who did it carelessly, but it strips him of his humanity and your ability to forgive him. Sure, as others have said, he very well may have been drinking on that night for some other reason, but ultimately, it’s irrelevant WHY he did what he did, only THAT he did what he did.
Some have suggested you should communicate with him, some have said you shouldn’t, and you say you’re not ready, but you may or may not ever be and, also, he may or may not be ready to communicate with you. To some extent it makes it easier to forgive someone if they are willing and able to apologize and vice-versa, but it’s not really necessary. You can forgive him whether or not he ever apologizes and whether or not you ever actually communicate with him. For your sake, you very well may not be comfortable communicating with him until you’ve reached that point. And when you do, you may well be communicating with him, not so much for your own benefit, but for his, so that he can move on with his life and likely the guilt that he is carrying.
Regardless, I commend your strength and force of will. I think you’re on the right path in healing.
Frosty Camel, I cannot begin to offer words of comfort for the loss of your wife and children. I am so, so very sorry.
You are not obliged to do any particular thing. You don’t have to contact their killer. You don’t have to refuse to contact their killer. It’s about what helps you heal.
Considering the difficulty you’re having coping with your grief, have you considered pastoral counseling or a support group? Horrible as it is to contemplate, there are others who have gone through what you are going through, and they will be able to offer genuine help.
I wish you the best.
A few years ago a guy in Albuquerque killed 5 people in three incidents in one day. Two of them were cops. Another two were young men who worked at a motorcycle shop I frequented. Probably mounted a tire or two on my bike. The killer’s name was John Hyde, it happened in Albuquerque in 2005, you can google the details. Most of the locals know him as the cop killer, and hatred is rampant.
The guy who did it had a history of mental illness. His meds had recently been changed. The day before he did the killing, he was escorted by security from the hospital where his shrink worked, because he knew his new meds were not working right and was demanding to be seen. When he finally got the help he was begging for, it was too late…he had already killed three people when the two cops showed up to take him to the mental hospital, and he killed them as well.
When you bother to find out the whole story it often turns out to be a lot more complex than just bad people doing bad stuff. Knowing what I do, I don’t find it within me to hate the poor wretch. It really bothers me that people think the death penalty in this case would matter at all. It seems that there needs to be more allowance for compassion built into our systems…be it dealing with the mentally ill, or two kids with the hots for each other.
This is why, in Washington, while the age of consent is set at 16, the law also specifies the age difference in months. i.e. for it to be a crime, the younger person must have been under 16 and more than X number of months younger than the older participant. That way, the public may see 18 minus 15 = 3 years difference, but the law (using the age descriptions in the OP) sees 25-26 months difference.
Frosty Camel, if you continue to be interested in some sort of communication with this person, you may want to look into restorative justice programs in your region or state. They are victim initiated and may be what you are looking for to help you process your grief.
No, the purpose is so I can see when a SO moves in the house down the street. It’s not there to punish the SO, it’s there to protect the public.
Idle Thoughts instructed Sevencl to drop the hijack.
I am now instructing everyone else to drop the hijack as well. Take it to the Pit if further discussion is necessary.
The next time a moderator enters this thread it will be to start issuing warnings.
twickster, MPSIMS moderator