Tackling the Mess in the Front Room, or Why I'm Up at 2 am

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

One area where I’ve found modern tech to be helpful is cutting down on stuff coming IN. I no longer get a newspaper delivered, I read them on line (this eventually resulted in the problem of obtaining cage liners for the bird cages. We now use junk mail, but that’s getting thinner so I’m not sure where we’re going to go from here.) A lot more ephemeral stuff I do on-line so it never enters the home as a material object to become clutter.

I have scanned some things into e-form, so they take up much less space (of course, I am now a little obsessed with backing stuff up).

Some of my afghans I’ve photographed before passing on to someone else.

However, some stuff I’m just not going to get rid of, like the 100 year old sewing machine and the 180 year old spinning wheel, as part of their value is as objects. The fact that the sewing machine was a gift of my now-deceased mother-in-law and the wheel from a college mentor just adds to their value. On the other hand, both are working antiques that do actually get used. I have a book published in 1856 handed down as a family heirloom. I’m actually keeping that (and suspect I will pass it on to my niece, as it’s been traveling down the years through the women). The 1940’s era cherry wood desk I got from my dad is my computer table/desk. I feel that if I’m going to keep something it’s best if I make it useful in my life.

I am currently debating on whether or not to keep grandma’s china set. It’s a not-quite-complete 12-place setting. When grandma died my old sister and I split the set into two, six-place setting sets. Then when my sister died I got it all back. But I’ve never used it. Never. I’m not even that fond of the pattern, it’s that it’s grandma’s (and half sister’s). When I initially acquired it I though I’d hold dinner parties in the future but that was…24 years ago, more or less. And I’ve never used it. Nobody else in the family wants it. I’m wondering about maybe selling it.

>sigh<

So I have a number of things to go through, still. I’m trying to do some each week, but it’s so easy to get distracted, or to spend time just maintaining what I’ve done (not that that’s not important or a worthy use of time). Still, I am making progress. Things are getting better, not worse.

22

I think you’re doing awesome, I really do.

I can relate to a lot of what you said, I think everyone has confusing issues with ‘stuff’, and with housecleaning.

Everybody is different, and no one knows the right way for you, sometimes, but you. You seem to be facing and tackling your issues head on and that’s always admirable. You keep at it, and you’ll get to where you want to be.

My only advice is that often, all that wasted, preworry, fretting is just another manifestation of self loathing/self sabotage, the anxiety of ‘will it be done on time’, ‘but there’s still more’, ‘how will I cope’, losing sleep, etc. The journey will get easier if you can find any technique, that allows you to recognize, and then set aside, those most unhelpful thoughts.

You deserve a lot of 'atta girl’s, just keep doing what you’re doing!

23

By the way - first thing we put on the big screen TV was How to Tame Your Dragon in 3D.

Holy crap! I’ve got a 3D TV! I’m living in the FUTURE!!!*

  • I’m still waiting for the flying car, dammit!
24

Speaking as the daughter of a pack rat, I commend you for your dedication.

Speaking as someone else with asthma that’s normally in the “mild intermittent” category, but with occasional flare-ups that have historically been helped by a short course of inhaled steroids or other longer-acting drugs, have you considered temporarily using a maintenance asthma drug to help you breathe better while you process both the emotions and the dusty physical stuff?

25

This part is really the key to your success. The fact that you’re taking pride (as well you should) in letting go of these things makes me think you’re going to get to the bottom of the pile and feel happy rather than stressed and needing to reaccumulate (is that a word?)

I had one very emotional day when I realized that I owned 143 sweaters but only wore about 8 of them regularly. They were all so pretty, but the key was admitting to myself that cashmere makes me itchy. It feels really nice to not have to sift through them all to find one I actually want to wear. It helps to remember that happy clam feeling when I’m considering letting a beloved thing go.

My rule is that if I love the thing itself I get to keep it, but if what I love is the memory that comes up when I look at/hold/think about the thing, I take a photo and paste it into a scrap book with a note describing the memory and then I send it on its way.

You’re doing a great job at a very difficult task, please remember to pat yourself on the back as often as possible!

26

That’s why I’ve been asking my family if they’d be willing to go through my old stuff, and toss it all.

The catch is, I’d take off for the weekend. And not tell them where.
(so they can’t call and ask “Dad, are you SURE you don’t want this perfectly good pipe rack of your father’s?”)

27

  1. Great Og, woman, do have any idea how amazing you are? I read about your trials and tribulations, your grace in handling them, and when I start getting all whiny, I think to myself, “get a Broomstick, woman!” You’ve accomplished a huge amount in a very short time. You are to be praised and congratulated!

  2. Dealing with stuff: four years ago, I moved from Texas to California, and I could only take what would fit in my coupe. I divested myself of more than half of my library, wardrobe, nearly all my furniture, and almost all my hobby stuff. Two things helped me (aside, that is, from a very dear friend standing next to me with a sharp stick, ready to poke me) - the show Clean House, which I’d watched religiously, and a saying from a two-season detective show, Life.

I’d seen, at that point, probably sixty or more episodes of Clean House, where the team leader, Niecey, over and over and over again, had to negotiate with people to get them to let go of their stuff. And that’s all it was. Stuff. Junk. Accretions. Piles of magazines, collections of memorabilia, old clothes . . . stuff. And the people would agonize over each thing like it was puppy about to be thrown over a cliff. All while I was screaming at the TV, “IT’S JUST STUFF! LET IT GO!” Then, it was my turn, and I’d start to agonize, and then I’d think about what it would look like if I were on tv with Niecey, and watchers were screaming “IT’S JUST STUFF!” at me. Made it easier.

As for the show, Life, the main character listens to tapes on Buddhism, and one of the sayings he practices is “I’m not attached to this physical object.” I found myself saying that a lot. It helped.

  1. On allergies: if possible, follow Eve’s suggestion on a steroid inhaler. I have one, and it really helps keep the asthma down whether the cause is allergens, physical exertion, or stress. If you’re doing a lot of housecleaning (other than the bedroom), keep the door to your bedroom closed, and you might even put a towel across the bottom to keep as much dust out as possible.

If you haven’t already, get a Neti pot, and use it. I know, I know, but it really does help. By washing out the sinuses, you remove the allergens making you miserable, and you can do it as many times a day as necessary.

When you’re done with the housecleaning and ready to go to bed, take a shower. Take the hottest shower you can, and make sure you shampoo your hair. First, you’re washing all the allergens off. Second, with at least five minutes under extremely hot (but not scalding water), you’ll force your skin to exhaust its supply of histamines. This will buy you a minimum of twenty minutes without itching. Between that and washing off the allergens, it should help. If heat doesn’t help, take a cooler shower, wash your hair, and then take an oatmeal bath to calm down your skin.

Finally, did I mention you’re amazing?

28

You can do it!

Do you have kids? Do it for them!

And if you don’t have kids…uh…do it for mine? Once I get them, I’ll be sure to tell them what you meant to them! :smiley:

29

No, in some cases it’s all I have left of some people I love. Granted, most it is not, but some of it is. Which is why I said I’m not parting with some of it.

The rest, of course, is just stuff.

Except that doesn’t help me. I realize you’re saying this to be helpful, but if it was that easy for me I wouldn’t have these problems develop.

The problem with that is my doctor is reluctant to prescribe one. Why? Because for the most part I don’t need one. If I say “but I’m going to clean house and it will annoy my allergies” he will say “hire someone to do it for you.” All too often doctors don’t seem to get that I don’t have the money to hire someone else do this for me. The spouse helps, but he is disabled so how much he can help is limited.

Not to mention having a stranger going through my stuff, deciding for me what to keep and what not to, would be mega-stressful. Seriously, that often doesn’t end well. Too often I’ve had someone deciding to toss something that shouldn’t be tossed, and by that I don’t mean “sentimental junk I’m attached to” but something actually used and frequently used. Such as “ugh, this ugly old bike, who wants that?” Um… I actually ride it two or three times a week, weather permitting, for exercise? Cheaper to use the old one than buy a new one? Then there was the person who wanted to throw out my band uniform, even though at the time I was doing gigs several times a month.

I don’t mind having a third party to help me keep objective, I find it very useful, but I still have to be there.

I know. I have one. I’ve been using it four times a day. I’m still having sinus problems.

Been there, done that. Still have a rash.

Can’t take an oatmeal bath because this place has no bathtub. Sucks to be poor, you know?

Yeah, but still not perfect. :wink:

30

On Steroid inhalers:

If you need to use a rescue inhaler like albuterol more than once a week, the standard of care is to be on a steroid inhaler, unless there is a strong medical contraindication to doing so.

If your doc is not following the standard of care, consider getting another medical opinion.

Congrats on the organizing success!

31

Broomstick - If you’re considering selling your china, you might want to contact Replacements, Ltd., which is a very reputable company that buys old china, silver and glassware. They sell to people who need pieces to complete sets. My family has both bought and sold from them and have always had a good experience.

StG

32

Except he’ll say “stop doing housework that causes you a problem and you won’t need a steroid inhaler”. Yes, I understand that avoiding triggers is the best course of action but that’s rather impractical given my list of allergies and the reality of this world. When I brought up that I anticipated this project causing problems he said “Then don’t do it.” Great. When the hell was it going to get done, then, and who was going to do it? Not his problem I guess.

He did that this fall when mowing lawns was causing me a problem. He said get someone else to mow the lawn. Um… it’s currently my only source of income? Yes, “get a new job” is great advice, I’ve only been working on that for four years. He did finally relent and I got steroids for when my arms blistered up from a bad reaction.

Yes, I do have a problem with this attitude.

And the insurance company says “more than twice a week”, not once a week. Granted, it’s easy enough to say “more than twice” rather than “more than once” but I really shouldn’t have to lie to get decent medical help. They also want lung function tests that demonstrate something like 30% loss of function or something of the sort - I don’t remember the exact details, but when I tested out at 95% normal lung function they gave the doc a stink about whether I had asthma or not at all, saying that the test indicated my lungs were completely normal, not asthmatic. Great, guys, penalize me for keeping good lung function. :rolleyes:

Maybe I should inhale some dust bunnies before the next lung test just so the damn insurance will believe I have asthma!

Since my insurance is basically a fancy form of Medicaid that’s not so easily done, as not many doctors in the area take it, and many of those that do aren’t accepting new patients with my insurance. They also treat us poor folks as lying trash, addicts, and pill-seekers. I’m a bit stuck with whoever will take what I have. At least this guy believes I have allergies rather than trying to refer me to a psychiatrist (who won’t take my insurance and I can’t afford) like another doc did because I’m some crazy woman who just made up all that stuff about allergies. There are some real crap doctors out there, ya know?

Seriously, doc, the criminals under your care get better medicine than 90% of the poor and near-poor in this country.

And the system is set up to penalize you if you actually do take care of yourself. I’d have no problem getting a steroid inhaler if I was careless and getting a trip to the ER every month, but because I take care of myself I can’t convince anyone I might actually need one. Likewise, I should have an epi-pen, but because I haven’t had a food allergy problem bad enough to send me to the ER in nearly 20 years the insurance company insists it’s not necessary and my doc is reluctant to prescribe one as well, which would be off insurance and on my income it would be a serious drain to buy them whenever they expire (Yes, I realize that with our inherited money that is now at least a possibility, but prior to last week we didn’t have that money). So… because I’m good at avoiding food allergens the insurance company won’t approve an epi-pen despite it being standard of care because… I haven’t been to an ER in 20 years? Except the allergies haven’t gone away. So because I’ve been good at managing the problem I don’t get the epi-pen that’s supposed to be standard for people with food allergies. I’ve been fighting that battle for years, but the fucking insurance company will just not approve it for me. I’m not even entirely sure why they keep refusing. They won’t pay for me to go to an allergist, either, saying my GP can handle it. (The GP thinks I should go to an allergist, too, but they aren’t listening to him, either). I’m sort of stuck, as this is the ONLY insurance we can get at the moment.

Sorry, didn’t mean to turn this into an allergy rant.

33

I think you should look for a new doctor anyway, myself. Aside from the standard of care issues, anybody whose solution to your housework related exacerbation is for you to hire a housekeeper, with no regard for whether such a thing fits into your personal circumstances is too goddamn dumb to be trusted with your physical well-being.

Fyi, you pick up your flying car across the street from where they hand out the jet packs. :wink:

And now I see your update. You might not be able to find someone else, but I would definitely keep looking.

34

Broomstick, I would like to start off by saying that I am proud of what you have accomplished and hope others can take your example of strength and have it help them in their lives.

With that said, the allergy thing…I am severely allergic to dust, paper, mold, mildew, newsprint, cardboard and any kind of fragrance. You say cleaning is a trigger and I well imagine it is but since you are already most of the way there, I need to suggest an extreme solution; clean everything, eradicate all allergens once a week. If you leave things longer than a couple of weeks, it will make things worse when you go to clean AND on a day to day basis. Now that you have found most of the flat surfaces in your home, keep them as free of allergens as possible.

Additional tips:

  1. Dust with a damp (not wet) cloth or other method that ‘traps’ the dust instead of spreading it.
  2. Don’t sweep. Ever. Never ever. While you can get most things off the floor, it sweeps things up into the room in the process and we inhale it. Vacuuming traps it all better.
  3. Replace broadloom and throw carpets with laminate, hardwood or tile. They can’t trap the dust and have it jump out with every step.
  4. Clean with products that don’t worsen your allergies. For me, this means finding something that is effective but has little scent. Steam cleaning is ideal for this as it is just water.
  5. Make sure that towels and bedlinens are replaced frequently. These get dusty and mold/mildewy if left for too long.

Basically, if you are a hoarder or proto-hoarder, you will have worse allergy responses than others just due to there being more triggers around.

This is all said with a loving heart. I wish I could be closer to where you are so I could help with the cleaning (not the deciding what to keep/where things go, that is something only the owner of property can do) portion of your struggles. I am quite good at it and love helping friends and aquaintances.

35

I am your opposite. I toss lots of stuff away with no problem.

However, I am married to somebody who wants to keep everything. So, I understand your problem and am impressed by your self-awareness and willingness to change.

Congratulations on your accomplishment and I wish you luck in tackling the rest of the house. Stay with it!!!

36

Good onya girl.

37

Atta girl and this will be a good thing! And good on ya for having the courage to tackle this project and the physical and emotional challenges.

Also I understand your frustrations with your doctor and moronic insurance policies.

I’m also a thower-awayer, like perfectparanoia, and I enjoy cleaning up (although to look at my house you might not know it, ha.) I don’t have real allergies that I know of, but while I can handle solvents, dust, smoke, pets and all sorts of common allergens some cleaning products and detergents set me to sneezing uncontrollably.

38

I know.

Your med situation bites. Asthma is a reversible airway disease, so most folks with it will have normal pulmonary function tests unless they’re tested during an attack.

Happy tossing!

39

I think your doctor kind of sucks, too - my husband has mild asthma, and he has had zero problem getting a steroid inhaler from doctors (and it is working very well for him).

I don’t have much of a problem with hoarding and keeping too much stuff, but as I’m cleaning up and painting and de-cluttering and stuff (and getting older and accumulating stuff), I’m starting to appreciate just how hard all those decisions are. Yeah, I have a roasting pan I don’t use very often, but when I need to roast something large, I need a roasting pan. I have some fabric and wool and craft stuff that I don’t use very often, but when I want to do some craftwork, I need that stuff - keep it or toss it? And keep making decisions like that for every single thing in your house that isn’t obviously in use (your couch, your bed, whatever). I can see how people slip into keeping too much stuff - the lines are not always as obvious as you’d like them to be.

40

Actually, my spouse takes care of a lot of the routine dusting for both of us, including shooing me out of the room when he’s doing it. However, for a major clean up like this, where heavy objects are being moved, he can’t do it because of his physical limitations. So I do the heavy lifting and he keeps an eye on me.

I am happy to say that, since it’s been nearly 72 hours since we stopped stirring up the dust I’m pretty much back to normal.

Can’t. This is a rental place we live in. I can’t rip out the carpeting, I don’t own the place. Well, I did (with appropriate precautions) rip out the carpeting in the bathroom when it started to mold (oddly enough, mold is NOT a trigger for me even thought house dust very much is. I still avoid inhaling it, however, just on general principals) so now there is a concrete floor in the bathroom, 'cause that’s what’s under the carpeting here. Oh, and we have tile in the kitchen.

I find bleach (properly diluted), and things like Murphy’s Oil Soap works for me. Also water, vinegar, and so forth.

I also store the extra bedlinens in dust-proof containers.

I’d sure appreciate the help! I do have friends who can help, but it’s a drive for them, and they have their own families and concerns.