To make the world a better place, everyone would signal turns and lane-changes. And stop for red lights and stop signs.
And, you know, all the fun stuff for myself also. I think that a penis that adjusted to be the exact size and shape to match your partner’s needs and current sex act would be kind of cool.
Sort of the opposite of this (NSFW):
I’d make everybody knock off their religion-based wars–stat!
I’d let everyone know the human soul is not immortal, so they can knock off all the magical thinking and mystical rites they do to try to get to paradise.
I’d remove all human impulses to inflict harm on each other for nefarious purposes.
I’d restore balance to human interactions with the natural world.
I’d give everyone my cellphone # so they can talk to or text me directly, and not have to rely on charlatans who claim to know what I want. And I’d make sure no one could hack the #.
I’d redesign the human reproductive system so it wasn’t so complicated, messy, or difficult to reproduce when folks want to reproduce or avoid reproducing when they don’t want to.
I’d eliminate all diseases or birth defects that prevent people from fulfilling their potential as rational and sentient beings with an advanced sense of wonder and appreciation for the beauty of transcendent thought and the natural world.
Implement some general working version of karma.
As little as possible. I know my flaws enough to fear my powers.
I would grant a power to all women. This power allows them to change their breasts at will.
Going jogging? Might want to have them smaller. Going on a date? How much do I like the guy?
And no matter what size they were they would be fantastic.
All women would always feel good about their breasts.
Oh and I can see through clothing.
I’d write peoples’ names in one of two books. Then on the day the last human dies, I’d resurrect everyone and sort them by which book their name is written in. Then I’d explain that they have been sorted according to their inner worth, with the worthy people on one side and the unworthy people on the other.
Then I’d have a good time standing back and doing nothing while everyone tries to figure out which group they’re in. After awhile I’d reveal that it was all a hoax and the book their name was written in was chosen completely randomly. Then I’d revel in my cleverness.
People who intentionally, not accidentally, do something evil/bad will get immediate punishment:
Cheat at cards? Get violent flu symptoms.
Steal/rob somebody? Broken arm and/or leg.
Rape someone? Dick falls off and you get violent headaches forever.
Murder someone? Die of horrible, painful disease before the other body is cold.
Now that the world had a lot nicer people in charge, you can start fixing your planet and doing some things for the environment and future generations - or else you better be prepared for some wild weather…hmm, 8 feet of snow in 1 hour, 120 MPH winds - that ought to get Phoenix’s attention, and I wonder how NYC will like 125 degrees with 97% humidity (and electrical blackout) with an extra 100 trillion flies swarming the city? That could be fun. Bet you humans would work a tad harder finding alternative energy sources then, wouldn’t ya?
No more disease.
All humans will grow to middle age, say 40 and then stop aging. They will continue in this mode, with no disease and then die a painless death in the 100th year after they were born. The exact date however will be unknown and uncontrollable.
Everyone will all be able to have sex from the age of 15, but will result in pregnancy only after the participants are over 24 and with their will. Both partners will need to ‘want’ the child for pregnancy to occur.
Reprogram the brains of all the people on the planet so that they think only good thoughts. No one will be able to think about harming anyone else or do anything that is ‘bad’. The reprogramming will make everyone charitable while leaving the spirit of competiveness intact.
As corollary to (3), the people will themselves get rid of all weapons, from knives to WMDs and will not make any more since they are no longer required.
Wipe out all religion and – man, this reprogramming thing will be big – make the mind incapable of thinking along those lines. Everyone will believe that this world and this planet is all that they have and nothing beyond, and therefore make the best of it for everyone.
More as I work on the more interesting reprogramming part……
I would…what I’d really want to do isn’t something a god can do, as I am firmly convinced that making music is an entirely earthly thing.
So I would instead create musical institutes, free, everywhere, for everyone.
And I would spend the rest of my time trying desperately to create something beautiful.
(Bold added)
But bear in mind, you’d have to communicate only in ancient Hebrew.
I’d start with by decreeing, once and for all, which way the toilet paper is supposed to hang.
Fix my foot, knee and shoulder and then immediately give the powers up. I’m am quite certain that this particular power would ultimately corrupt me.
With the penalty for putting it coming from under the roll being explosive diarrhea. So you can sit there and think about what you’ve done. (This would not apply in cases where pets or children would do bad things to properly hung toilet paper)
ETA: Jewish laws do have exceptions like this in them.
You sir, are a hero.
I would raise everyone’s standard of living to that of the richest person on the planet.
On January 1 of every year, each person on earth would wake up in bed with whatever s/he had littered in the past year whether it is 1,000 cigarette butts, 20,000 gallons of industrial waste, or your dog’s poop.
Which rippled back through time, changing survival, marriage partners, progeny, and eventually meant Anne Neville was never born. :smack:
The resulting paradox may destroy the universe.
I’m feeling whimsical today - I’d bring back the passenger pigeon, Carolina parakeet, Stellar’s sea cow, the dodo, the quagga, and the ivory-billed woodpecker. I may need to tweak a few things to restore lost habit for a couple of them, but most on that list were killed by simply being hunted and eaten by greedy humans.
Ingested alcohol would act as a contraceptive for either gender.
I’d bring back velociraptors. Lots of them. Suddenly, and full grown. And sabertooth tigers, and a bunch of other nasty predators. I’d make them resistant to modern disease and environmental conditions also, so that they wouldn’t all take one breath, cough, and drop dead. No more resistant than anything that had evolved up to the present day, however, so that diseases from factory farms, or industrial waste, or whatever, would still have the same negative effects on them that they have on modern animals.
And as soon as the last one died, by a hunter’s bullet, or polluted sludge, or whatever, well, “overhead, without any fuss, the stars were going out.”
I dunno why.
I can think of a few childhood bullies who I’d add a couple hundred pounds to overnight. Then, I’d send all of my family members fabulous sums of money, except my dad. I’d write him a letter explaining why he won’t be benefitting from my fortune, and I’d write in a codicil that anyone who *does *attempt to help him with the money I gave them will be stripped of all their fabulous riches at that time.
Then I’d print myself a lot of money, become immortal for as long as I want, and get a rockin’ bod to dabble in earthly delights for a couple of decades. I would try out the other gender (with full function!) and see which one I liked better. Eventually I’d settle on a favorite gender and body type, at which time I would create immortal clones of Johnny Depp and Lucy Liu who will be head over heels in love with me. I’d settle down in my remote, beautiful, fully-staffed mansion for eternity and become a philanthropist. I would start to secretly and completely fund every “cure for x” I came across. I’d pour billions into researching the best political system and put every nation in the world under it right away. I’d engineer the most effective, benevolent leaders the world has ever seen.
If I eventually get bored, I’ll become a body of pure energy and just float around the universe at light speed, being awesome.
People making statements would have to tell what they thought was the truth if they choose not to remain silent. People taking an oath to in an official capacity would abide by it whether they wanted to or not, even if they misunderstood it. John and George would still be with us, and they and they mates would all like each other, even if they didn’t want to work together. Oswald and Sirhan and Ray would have missed. Reagan would have remained a liberal democrat. People who deliberately start a religious cult for personal profit or kick are compelled to say that at every opportunity: I’m talking about you J. Smith. R. Hubbard, J. Jones, O. Roberts, P. Robertson, etc. People who oppose social programs are not able to benefit from them, I’m lookin’ at you A. Rand and all medicare teabaggers. I’d remove idiotic race bias and hating. Murderers would go around compulsively singing “I’m a murderer.” No pograms against Jews in European history, no Holocaust (about time I got to that), and potentates who fought wars of conquest would have to fight them personally. No suicide bombers. Anytime someone called upon the almighty to do something cruel and unjust, a booming voice would be heard by all: “NO, AND STOP ASKING!”
Godfather III would have had Robert Duvall and Winona Ryder (Hamilton and S. Coppola were okay, but didn’t bring the real stuff) and Pacino would have been gifted to play Michael Corleone correctly one last time. Star Wars I, II, and III would be much better. Good people could use the Force in real life for good purposes. People like their jobs when they are doing them.
Pedophiles would not exist, spiders would never bite people. Kittens could remain kitten cute their whole lives. People would be happy, but fertility would decline in areas where there was overcrowding.
More, more, more.