We went to a wedding in Texas a couple of years ago and the dinner was BBQ and it was AWEsome. My bro-in-law’s rehearsal dinner also was BBQ. My new in-laws catered our rehearsal dinner and invited all our out-of-town guests and served calzones – that might be good for your vegetarian friends, they are easy to eat.
We were thinking of having a pasta bar for our reception but gave up the idea pretty quickly for almost all the ideas named above. Sounds good, but in execution it’s just a bad plan.
QFT.
I’ve been vegetarian for 24 years, and I never expect any host to go out of their way to accommodate that. I don’t even mention it because I don’t want anyone to take any extra trouble on my account. I can always manage to scrounge enough food of plant origin to get by. Since the essential purpose of a gathering is socializing, instead of simply filling up tummies, whether one gets a full meal is less important than being sociable. The food is there because it’s the classic way to get people together. We eat to socialize, we don’t socialize to eat. Well at least I don’t.
I have only one demand around this issue: A moratorium on imbecilic jokes at the expense of vegetarians, when meat-eaters notice what isn’t on my plate and take me for a easy butt of their brain-dead “humor.” “I am a great eater of beef, and I believe it does harm to my wit.” (Shakespeare, Twelfth Night)
I take that as a good thing in a barbecue place. 
ETA: Oh, wait, the way you said it is a bad thing. It’s a good thing that they make everything with meat since they’re a barbecue place.
Thanks everyone for all the input! I think the main headbutting is over, my grandma (who started in with my mother over the more fancier menu) finally gave up and declared, “If she wants a country style reception then let her have it!” I think she meant for it to make me feel guilty, but I just said, “Well yeah, that’s exactly what I want! Thanks for understanding!”
Oh, and I just openly asked my veggie friends what would be something they like that we could have, and they assured us they didn’t want us to go through any special preparations for them. They said between the salad, fruit, and sides we’ll have, they’ll have plenty of food. I even asked about the grilled mushrooms, and the woman made a gag face, so I guess that’s out!
At a casula summer wedding here I would do BBQ and Hairy Buffaloes. Go all out, smoked BBQ Pork, Beef, Chicken, and Fish, Potato Salad, Colesaw, and various other salad choices (haricot vere’, melon, and macaroni salad come to mind) , Baked Beans, Hors de ovaries, Biscuits, and party punch.
It’s the beginning of county fair season. Get yourself a big ole fryer, twenty gallons of batter, and some long wooden sticks. Then set out a bunch of portions of, well, pretty much anything you can think of, and have a DIY carny-food buffet.
Hey, it’s casual…
When my wife’s cousin got married, the reception was a pig roast (Pennsylvania style) and picnic. It was great. Not a lot of vegetarians around though.
She only had a very few people go to the actual marriage ceremony, so there wasn’t an issue of having to change our clothes.
Make the crab snd shrimp fett alfredo per usual, put it into a restaurant pan and add some flaked smoked salmon and maybe some Pimento, cover with foil, then smoke or chafe it on the top rack with the rest of the BBQ. Maybe some creamcheese frosted pineapple and pecan upside down cake for the wedding
Italian salad?- just make up a fesh giardinera chow chow to go with the BBQ. Olives, celery, cauliflower, peppers, red wine vinegar EVOO a rub of oregano and a touch of sugar.
You know my mother… Don’t you? :dubious:
Quoth kalasdad99:
OK, you’ve convinced me, at least: I’m going to have funnel cake at my wedding.
Is your mom paying for the wedding? You guys aren’t butting heads so much over a food issue as an etiquette issue, here. If she’s paying, I think it would be nice to at least accommodate her request for some kind of seafood (shrimp served cold would be more appropriate, with delicious cocktail sauce–nthing the “no dairy” recommendation).
If she’s not paying for it, then her opinion isn’t nearly important as yours (meaning you should tell her nicely to buzz off). She can have an opinion but you have the ultimate veto on ANYTHING–it’s your wedding. But, if she’s paying, you don’t want to alienate her and risk her throwing a tantrum and withdrawing from it completely.
See, I’ve always thought that you could make five cakes- five triple layer, cream cheese, frosted, Pineapple Upside down Cakes. Pour 15, 8 inch, simple upside down cake battera (greased and dusted) with some pineaple juice and the usual leaveainhs, layer on the pineapples rings, Maraschinos… butter, brownsugar, wjole or chopped Pecans with cinnammon streusel to layer the top. Turn out 3 cakes, upside down (or is it rightside up?) one on top of another with a bit of standard, creamcheese, vanilla, citrus, and icing sugarr frosting to bind and cover.
Important addendums: The top of the 3layer cake should be left "open faced… the pineapple design evident. Layer the sides of the layer cake with the creamcheese icing. Imprint or press the sides with dessicated coconut and pecans. Make the day ahead.
We did sub sandwiches for our “in a park in the summer” reception.
Well we’ve both decided we would like a traditional white cake, but we’re torn between the possibility of three fillings: Raspberry, Lemon Pineapple, or Lemon-Mousse. I’m excited for the appointment where we taste them to find out what we like best! Maybe a chocolate fudge might be in the mix?
She is paying for some of it, not all. I don’t want to tell her to buzz off, she’s my mother and I love her, I just need her to understand some boundaries. Right when we started planning things, I told her and my grandmother that I DO have ultimate veto power on EVERYTHING. I won’t be bullied into something I’m not happy with. I want everyone to be happy, but I won’t stick with something that annoys me or I don’t want (or my fiance won’t even eat!) just for the sake of her being happy. We can compromise. She’s not really the tantrum throwing type, more like she’ll just sulk for a little while. And if it comes down to either she gets things her way, or she doesn’t help financially, then I will lovingly tell her to take her money and shove it 
We had a three layer cake…with three different fillings!