You can kiss your ass good bye, and that is that.
It should be pointed out that’s a very old study and a newer study didn’t find anything like that. (Slate has info on it. http://www.slate.com/id/2212232/ ) Still, they’ve got big teeth and are pretty nasty. (But I file those strength claims into the same folder where they claim alligators can run 30 mph.)
It seems to me that if one simply must fight a chimp, the best plan is to use your superior reach and try to wear the thing down without clinching or getting dragged into a wrestling match or other ground fight. Quick kicks to the face or gut (which should be easy, given how short the chimp is) would work well unless the chimp gets hold of your foot.
gun-foo
Sorry! just saw the word “unarmed.” (like the synchronized swimming post.lol)
The art of tossing them a banana while running toward the nearest lockable shelter.
Chimps eat bananas, right?
If you did somehow get a kick to the face in, you would have only pissed him off to he point where he is now going to kill you instead of beat you up like he originally planned.
I prefer falling back on my click-bang-fu in situations like that.
Let’s please not forget the face-and-genital eating, please. That’s really the part that brings the whole “chimps are evil” thing home. Face. And Genitals. Eating.
Ranger Takedown and Paralysing Palm. With those, I can take down a Legendary Deathclaw.
I think the anatomy of a chimp is sufficiently different from a human to make leverage-based martial arts pretty useless against a chimp.
If I had to train for a certain roman-gladiator style fight to the death with a chimp, I’d go for a martial art that stresses distance strikes rather than grappling or leveraging. I don’t know what that martial art might be, though. Tae kwon do maybe? Kickboxing?
Parkour is usually classified by proponents as a martial art, specifically, the art of getting between two places as quickly as possible in case of an emergency. So basically, Run-Like-Hell Fu.
Speaking of chimps and martial arts, you’d better not take on Chimp Norris. Look at that little guy go!
I don’t think this makes sense. Parkour is not at all about running on the flat, it’s about finding your way over and across obstacles. Which is precisely where a chimp is going to be way, way faster than you. They are arboreal for Og’s sake.
You’re only hope I think is to have your encounter somewhere flat and open where your ability to run fast for a long distance will help. If you survive the first 20 seconds you may survive altogether, because a human is very good at middle and long distance running.
Course chimps don’t live on open plains, so this isn’t realistic.
A chimp will catch you in a second flat. They are way quicker than humans, way stronger, less squishy and more angry. If a chimp wants you and you don’t have a gun or some serious company to help, your ass is grass. Also, running animals to exhaustion only works when we are chasing * them* over distances that would make your morning jog blush. And by them, I mean ungulate herbivores whose instinct is to run away, not rip your aforementioned face/genitals off.
Attack him with any handy piece of fresh fruit.
Unless he’s had lessons from John Cleese, he can’t defend against that.
Chimpanzees lack most of the sweat glands humans have; it’s said to be a dramatic difference. So if it was hot (Equatorial Africa) a human might be able to make an endurance run out of it, assuming the chimpanzee didn’t catch up with an early burst for some reason.
That’s pretty much our only hope in physical competition.
Thank you.