I guess that would be the pirate thing to do.
Arrrr!
I’ll bet Vegetable Vooty goes well with Hiney Wine
The receptionist at Sea Cliff answers the phone:
“Good morning, Sea Cliff Foods. Is this a booty call?”
“That’s Veggie Boo-TAY!”
Hadn’t heard of it, although I did come in to recommend the Menage a trois.
“You’ve got some booty stuck in your teeth.”
One more word out of you, Veggiebooty…
All this goes to prove that there really is no way to make “eat your vegetables” seem like a cool idea. Let’s face it: there were no vegetarian pirates. They were called “scurvy dogs” for a reason-- given a choice between eating a sensible, healthy salad with the maximum daily allowance of vitamin C, or consuming nothing but dried meat and alcohol for months on end, pirates would happily entertain themselves by wagering on whose gums were the bloodiest and most swollen. With a modicum of ingenuity, pirates could easily have crafted their ships into floating hydroponic farms, growing all the tastiest vegetable bounty of the New World such as gourds and squash right on deck, allowing the masts and rigging to serve as trellises for savory tomatoes and nitrogen-rich legumes. Instead, they’d sail thousands of miles out of their way just to gorge themselves on the stringy flesh of wild goats and giant island tortoises. Historically, the three most popular reasons for adopting a life of piracy were:
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Booty
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Excuse to talk like a pirate
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No okra on the menu, ever.
Some would consider vegetarian booty is sexier than Big Mac booty. It’s all about what you hope to get, I guess.
But… but… the delcious breaded fried okra morsels! The crunchy outside and soft inside! How could you resist? Even pirates must weep before a good batch of finger-lickin’ fried okra! 
Actually, it’s well-documented that pirates avoided eating okra specifically because it made them weak and docile. One crew discovered this when they raided a compound of family farms whose specialty was okra; the families fled before them, taking their livestock and fresh stores and leaving only their crops and a few forgotten domesticated animals. The pirates gorged themselves on the vegetable for days before returning to sea. The first ship they encountered, they tried to attack, but mid-battle they found themselves exhausted and unwilling to fight, and chose to slink away before getting their asses kicked any further. Next ship, same thing. The only one of the men who wasn’t affected, and who stayed strong throughout every battle, was the one who chose to eat the handful of remaining pets instead of the okra.
“'Sblood,” he muttered, surveying his defeated shipmates, “you lot are truly okra win-free.”
That’s exactly what Blackbeard used to say. Alone among pirates, Edward Teach (or Thatch) famously relished okra. By exploiting the natural fear and revulsion of most pirates toward the slimy vegetable, he kept his crew firmly in line and increased his reputation for notoriety and depravity among the Brethren of the Coast. Often he would enter battle with fresh okra braided into his fearsome dreadlocks, gooey strands of mucus dripping from his unkempt beard. Once, according to legend, he locked his entire crew in the galley and forced them to watch him slurp down an entire hogshead of vegetarian gumbo.
“Pirates were ne’er meant to eat meat, by Lucifer!” the homicidally deranged vegetarian criminal would bellow. “'Tis bad for the digestion! Aye, lads; arter all, how does a pirate live? He eats, shoots, and leaves!” He’d roar with laughter at his own joke, then kill anyone who acted like they’d heard it before.
Tragically, this obsession was to be Blackbeard’s undoing. Lt. Robert Maynard of the British Navy was able to lure the buccaneer into a fatal ambush by disguising his ship as a heavily laden okra galleon. After Blackbeard’s death, the site of the battle would be forever known as Okra-Croaked Inlet. You could look it up.
Groan!!!
What’s the most difficult part of eating Veggie Booty?
Getting her back in the wheelchair!
You know, I bet they made people walk the plank for stuff like that.
I’m updating this for the sake of posterity, since this link is in the Threadspotting archive. “Sea Cliff” does not refer to the name of the company, but rather the name of a town in Long Island, NY, on the north shore of Nassau County. The company that makes Vegetable Booty is called Pirate’s Booty (yum).
Hasn’t anyone here seen the episode of Curb where Larry starts acting fey, including picking up a bag of Pirate’s Booty, shaking his ass and singing ‘Pirate’s Boo-ty! Pirate’s Boo-ty!’? It’s proceless. Personally, I prefer Smart Puffs. The cheddar cheese powder is delish.