Men do the same thing, you know. Generally, I just tell them to fuck off. Eliminates the middle-man.
–elm
Sorry to hear about your recent break-up, Hoe.
I think women really do want to continue some kind of friendship when they say that. Deep in our animal brains, there is some sense of a control issue going on here. The man sees the woman as having gained the upper hand when the woman elects to terminate the physical aspect of a relationship, and many men respond with a shitty attitude due to a feeling of ‘I failed to conquer’ (not trying to demean, I’ve certainly been there).
Admittedly, there are usually hurt feelings involved on behalf of the dumpee, but the question could just as fairly be asked: why can’t men accept a platonic relationship when a sexual one isn’t right for both?
On the other foot, some women just use that as a b.s. line until they can retreat to a safe distance and say what they really mean. It’s all just a big social masquerade if you ask me.
Where’s an Anthropologist when you need one?
Part of the problem is that a lot of men think that friendship is just part of the game, and the prize is sex.
When you tell them that you just want to be friends, they think that they’ve lost the game, and move on.
“When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”
Hunter Thompson
Part of the problem is that a lot of women think that friendship is just part of the game, and the prize is sex.
When you tell them that you just want to be friends, they think that they’ve lost the game, and move on.
I think you’re on pretty shaky ground whenever you start generalizing about the behavior of the sexes in relationships. The range of behaviors I’ve witnessed amongst my male acquaintances has been matched by that of my female acquaintances. Even if a statistically significant difference between the sexes can be identified for some behavioral trait, that doesn’t tell you anything about an individual.
What I’m talking about, is when a woman or a man says, “let’s continue to see each other as friends”, they are not asking cincerely, BE MY FRIEND. They are merely quoting (I can never get that word right) the universal dump line. On the other hand they dont want to lose you either, completly. So there you are, in mid air, not knowing if you are comming or going.
Why not just: I’m not in love any more (not with you anyway) it was fun while it lasted, GOOD BYE.
Why do you have so much trouble believing in friendship? A woman may find you interesting, funny, and generally great to be with, but she just isn’t interested in you sexually any more. Tell me, when a woman says she just wants to be friends with you, do you stop exerting preasure to have sex and actually be a friend, or do you say, “Well I haven’t got a chance with her, might as well move on.”?
“When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”
Hunter Thompson
In most cases the fact is that, when a couple has broken up they can’t continue to be friends. Not at least for some time. One of them is surely unhappy about the situation, and either hates him\her or is trying to get him\her back.
Sure I have female friends, one of my best friens is a woman. But I haven’t had a sexual relationship with them. ( well maybe one or two, but that was years back )
Sometimes, it doesn’t feel right to have sex with a man. The relationship was better when they were either flirting or good friends. My best friend Ryan and I fell into bed after knowing each other for about 8 years. CREEPY! We’re back to being friends again, and both are a lot happier.
Never date someone who’s like one of the family. It’s like your screwing your brother.
“On the edge of sleep, I awoke to a sun so bright…”
I’ve had men give me this same line, so it’s definitely not confined to one gender. In my opinion, it’s a social formula designed to spare the dump-ee’s feelings. It may MEAN “Fuck off” in some cases, but at least it sounds better, and it makes things less awkward if you have to deal with the person in the future. It’s just one of those things you have to say in order to act decent and civilized, like giving your condolences at a funeral even if the deceased was a complete bastard. That’s the way I see it, anyhow.
On the other hand, AzRaek, I’m currently dating my best friend of 7 years, and having a blast. I guess it just depends on whether or not the flirting was sincere, or just posturing.
If a guy says to a woman ’ let’s just be friends,’ I thought that means he wants to stay friends but when he is horny he can call and ask to have sex?
Why not go ahead and remain friends? It can actually be a lot of fun. There’s a lot more to a relationship than just sex, fer christ sakes. Going places together with no pressure to impress, for example. Besides, once in a while you just might get lucky. 
…WHAT???
Peace,
mangeorge
I must be unusual. I don’t want to be friends with someone with whom I had a previous relationship. Unless by friends you mean if we happen upon each other by coincidence we can be civil to each other. I would probably say “I don’t think this is working out—I don’t want to see you anymore. Goodbye.” I believe a clean break is best. That’s the way to move on with your life.
I think a lot of women think that wanting to be friends eases the pain of rejection. But if a guy told me he wanted to just be friends (and, sadly many have) I would read that: “I find you about as attractive and exciting as my sister.” Who needs that for their self-esteem?
–Gail
What if the Hokey-Pokey is really what it’s all about?
I agree it’s primarily an effort to avoid hurting the other person…however, it depends on the emotional investment in the relationship. I was seeing a guy 5 years ago who was serious about me, but I wasn’t in love with him and the hokey-pokey wasn’t enough. Yet he was a great guy and I truly did want to remain friends. I told him it wasn’t working for me and added “I hate to say this, but can we still be friends?” To my surprise, he said yes. We continued to have lunch, or dinner & movie occasionally or just hang out. He and I were communicating by e-mail, then I stopped getting messages from him. I think he probably decided not to continue our friendship because of his finance’s concerns about it.
Men talk with women, so they’ll get to have sex with them.
Women have sex with men, so they’ll get to talk with them.
(paraphrased)
Jay McInerny Brightness Falls.
In my own (and that of my friends) experience, women will always want to keep a door open, i.e. they break up cause they want to try out another guy, but at the same time, they want the possibility of going back.
I’ve heard of so many occasions where the girl seek out her ex, with the intention of having sex, whereas that almost never happens among men. When it’s over, it’s over for us.
ct
Quite a lot of women, but no means all, want to make it just ‘friends’ just before their period approaches. Have no idea why but I have seen it dozens of times in practice. One woman explained it to me that the chemical changes in her body made her feel that way.
Another reason was to test a guys love for her.
So, what is the best response to this ‘lets be friends’
statement from a woman?
(So, what is the best response to this ‘lets be friends’
statement from a woman? )-handy
Well I can come up with four anwers to this one:
1: Yes, I think it is the best thing to do.
2: Yeah, sure, why not?
3: Yeah, sure, I’ll send you a postcard.
4: Yeeaahh, whatever…
I agree with Gail. A Cean break is probably the best thing to do. Otherwise you’re just torturing yourself and others.
When a woman says she wants to be friends, there are two possible translations:
-
I am dumping you. Having been dumped, I believe that a person who dumps someone is a rat, so I am in denial of the fact that I am dupming you. I believe that if I merely ask to redefine our relationship, you will not notice that I am dumping you.
-
I am bored with you. I want to dump you to look for someone better. However, I want to keep in touch in case it turns out that they don’t actually come any better.
There is a third, but it is much rarer:
3) I have just discovered I am attracted to women. I sincerely wish we had met AFTER I learned this about myself, because I really have a lot of fun with you, and I want us to keep hanging out doing all those cool things we used to do, but we can’t have sex, because my girlfriend wouldn’t like it. I hope that’s not a problem for you. You are a great guy, and you would be the one, if I weren’t a lesbian. I so regret that my sexual journey may have lost me a good friend. I hope you marry my sister.
Caution: if you are having so much fun hanging out with your girlfriend because she likes to do all this cool stuff you like too, and in fact, you are having so much fun that you don’t even care if you don’t have sex after every softball game-- Watch out for Number 3!
–Rowan
If my mother had been in charge of the War on Drugs, it would be “Just say ‘No thank you.’”
(So, what is the best response to this ‘lets be friends’ statement from a woman? )-handy
“F— off … I have enough friends.”
“My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings! Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and Despair!!”