Twice a month I play AD&D with a group of guys at the GM’s home. He’s married and he and his wife have a daughter going on two years old. The other night we were there his wife was out with friends and he was looking after his daughter (lots of timeout breaks from the game). We were seated around the kitchen table and she was in a highchair where her dad could keep an eye on her.
Well while we were playing, daughter sticks her hands down her Pampers and begins playing with herself. And I’m not talking about an absent-minded tickle or two. I mean she spread her legs as wide as they’d go with a big joyous grin on her face, grunting and arching her back, and enthusiasticly, exhibitionistly gave us a show. I felt like my face was on fire, and the three other guests there looked just as embarrassed. Her dad just rolled his eyes and said she’s been doing that for the past six months. He did tell her “No” and pulled her hands away from her groin but she started in again a few minutes later.
I felt like a perv, being torn between trying not to stare and catching surruptitous glances out the corner of my eye. What if anything should I have said or done? On the one hand, in a perfect world children would be allowed to grow up with no hangups about their sexuality. On the other hand we live in a society where people get reported to child protection for less, and they could have been in deep doo-doo if strangers had witnessed this. FWIW, I don’t believe they are abusing their daughter, just not censoring her behavior.
Little children masturbate. This is normal and regular behavior. She had no idea that she was doing something that is typically kept private, and the fastest route to giving a kid a hang-up about their body being “bad” and sexuality being dirty is to act all horrified and shocked when they do stick their hand in the diaper. At that age, they don’t know from private vs. public.
I’d say that you all behaved as appropriately as possible given the situation. Good on all of you for not overreacting.
Are you sure that her expression was “joyous”? When I was pre-pubescent (although older than two), I used to get terrible yeast infections. I didn’t know any better than to scratch and scratch, which of course made it worse, but if someone had been watching, it’s possible that my expression could have been misinterpreted as “joyous”. How long do you suppose it had been since the diaper was changed?
Oh, and it’s because of that that I never masturbated until after I became sexually active. When I hit puberty, I did have sexual thoughts and desires, but because of the infections, I never associated touching myself with pleasure.
Obvious Guy, that’s unlikely. Good thought, but masturbation in reaction to sexual abuse or seeing inappropriate material usually shows up at an older age - most 3 year olds aren’t capable of that kind of imaginitive replay, let alone 2 year olds. If she’s off the scale on imaginitive processing, possible. Far more likely (especially given the parental eye roll) that she’s just being a normal (and blithely socially unaware) child.
This really doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. My 4 1/2 year old boy and 2 year old girl are constantly touching themselves, to which WordWoman and I say “keep your private parts private”. Like any behavior that is considered socially unacceptable, but feels/tastes/sounds/looks/smells interesting, like nose picking (and eating - eeew), butt scratching, spitting out and playing with chewed food, etc…kids need patient repetition - and we’re talking over the course of months and years here, folks - to be weened away from these behaviors. The trick is to do it without making the kid feel like what they are doing is Bad, just something better done in private (at least in the case of touching one’s self).
Sounds a lot more like the Parents’ Daily Battle than anything else - sorry you found it embarrassing, and I suppose the parent could’ve/should’ve removed the child from the situation (like a crying child at a restaurant), but other than that - no biggie based on what I read…
And here I thought people would be talking about chilluns flinging feces around and it landing on heads and dinner plates-- as happened the last time I visited my friend Colin…
My 5 yr old daughter has been doing this for a while. (Well not as enthusiatically as the child in the op)
It makes me uncomfortable to see her touching herself like that.
However, since I don’t want her to think that it’s a Bad Thing and I’d much rather for her to be comfortable with masturbating as opposed to having sex when she’s a teenager, I don’t censure her too much.
What I generally do is tell her to stop because her hands are dirty (which is usually true) and that she shouldn’t touch her privates with dirty hands because she might get an infection.
I don’t know if that’s the best thing to say though.
Mornea it does seem like you are inappropriate deceiving your child; while you are correct, there may be bacterial issues, the biggest issue is the fact that your child is engaging in a private behavior in public.
We work hard at differentiating between Bad behaviors and words, Private behaviors and words, and Public b’s and w’s. We regularly say “Are we in a bathroom? Are you allowed to say bathroom rooms in public?” they answer no and then we say “Are bathroom words bad words?” and they say “No, just private”. You get the idea.
Same thing with touching themselves - “are those your Private parts?” “Aren’t you supposed to keep your private parts private?”. etc…it takes eons. If we get them to touch their privates one time less before they acknowledge our request, that is progress…
I don’t want my kids growing up with more issues than I will be foisting upon them anyway. It’s a pain, it requires repetition and patience, and I feel like I am a bad parent on a regular basis, but that is all part of what being a parent is about…