Every time I go to Albertson’s I leave upset. I mean Every. Single. Time. Nine times out of ten, it seems they don’t have adequate staffing. The remainder seems to be incompetent cashiers. Every blue moon they seem to converge in a display of such maddening inanity, that I just lose it. You want examples? Here you go.
A couple of months ago, my wife calls and asks me to pick something up for heartburn. As luck would have it, when she called I was less than a block from an Albertson’s. So I pull right in. Oh lucky day I think, as the store seems nearly deserted. Forty seconds later I’m heading for the checkout stand. My heart sinks. There are two cashiers open, in lane one, there’s a man and wife with a baby. They seem to have shopped for the month, as husband is pushing a loaded cart. Wife is bringing up the rear with her own cart and baby; in it she has WIC items. There are three or so customers behind her. That line is definitely out.
In lane two, we have a lady and daughter. Wow, they’ve also shopped for the month, or a party, lots of sugared items in that cart. There are two people behind her. I decide to be a very reluctant third. By reluctant I mean I sigh heavily, look impatient and telepathically send the message to please open another check stand to any store employees who venture too close. It doesn’t work. I tune out.
Something brings me back. I notice people shifting uncomfortably. There’s a conversation taking place at the check stand. I can’t believe my ears. The gist of the conversation is this: Apparently Albertson is offering a 10% discount when you purchase $200 or more. This key however is not functioning on the register. People are looking for calculators. The cashier who has done it long hand or guessed and has offered $15.00. The customer who has spent $326.80 is refusing it. That’s how I know what she spent. She repeating to anybody willing to listen that “I don’t know what 10% of $326.80 is, but it’s more than $15.00.
The cashier asks the other cashier to back her up. The other cashier is pretending to be deaf. The manager is approaching, the women in front of me is looking for a calculator. There’s a might roar. “For crying out loud it’s $32.68!!!” A hush falls across the store. Heads swivel as one to me. “Crap. Did I say that out loud?” Giggles. The manager gestures to me, opens a lane rings me up and says “Thanks for being so patient”, without a drip of sarcasm.
So anyway yesterday the temp dropped out of the 100s. So I decided to take my walk around the lake. It’s my day to cook, so on the way home I decide it’s be nice to get off the bus at Albertson’s to pick up some fish, I’ll walk from there I think, as I didn’t feel I got enough out of my walk. When I walked in I should have turned right around. Even though this is a different Albertson’s there are 2 lanes open, with lines stretching into the isles. I don’t because as I take this in one of the cashiers calls to someone on the loud speaker that they need two additional checkers.
Fine the line should be manageable. I pick up a basket grab some wine, and go to the meat department. The Sole looks good so I get 3 pounds, to produce where I get a head of lettuce some tomatoes and cucumbers. I go to checkout. WTF? There are still only two lanes but now there are about 15 people in each. Screw this. I sit my cart down, walk up to the check stand and grab the Weekly World News. I don’t have any taste so sue me. I take my place in line occasionally nudging my basket forward with my foot.
Someone clearing her throat interrupts my perusal of this fine periodical; it’s a representative of the store. Her function is unclear. Her message is not. “The management doesn’t want people reading the magazines unless they’re purchasing them.
Really I say. Well perhaps the management would like to open more checkout stands so I’d have something better to do than stare at the back of someone’s head for the next 20 minutes. Or perhaps they’d like to refund the next twenty minutes of my life that I’m going to spend waiting on line. “Fine I just work here”, and she huffs off.
Man I hate Albertson’s.