As you know there are always lists such as this each holiday season that do their best to take the fun out of children’s play.
But just for the heck of it, let’s see if we “Dopers” can come up with a fictitious list of outrageously dangerous toys:
Milton Bradley’s “Hot Plate Twister”
Bill Nye the Science Guy’s “Venomous Snake Activity Kit”
The Glad Bag “Underwater Adventure Action Helmet”
“Catch That Dart” from Parker Brothers
okay folks … how about your ideas.
“Bag O’ Glass” (SNL) (you know - for kids!)
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
Transformers “Big Sharp Clublike robot”
Super Soaker “SkinBreaker 700fps soaker”
Yakuza Edition monopoly (go to jail, remove a finger)
Flavored Play-Doh, Hobo wines edition.
Clue - “With Real Weapons!”
Silly Putty - “The C4 Edition”
Operation - “Learn to use a scalpel!” “Trepanning made easy!” “DIY Tonsilectomy!”
Hatch A Mamba - “Grow you own baby serpents!” “Watch the miracle of life!” “Great science project!”
Experimental Parachute Kit - “Jump from great heights!” “Borrow Mom’s bedsheets!” “…materials for leg splints and casts included…”
Junior Bomb Squad - “Explosives Made Easy!” “Remove tree trunks for Dad!” “Create your own swimming pool!”
"Inhale This!" - Now comes with three diffrent colored jerry cans
Superman Towel Sticker - Place on your Mom’s favorite towel, tie it around your neck, and you really can fly!
Dr. Kevorkian’s Li’l Euthanasier
Fisher-Price “My first Gas Oven Inspection” Kit
101 Uses For Cyclon B - “Get rid of those unsightly weeds/nose hairs/cock roaches/neighborhood cats!”
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Game - “You’ve seen the movie, now play the game!” “Live action game pieces and tools included!”
My Little Mutant Kit - “Give Rover another ear!” “How about a third eye for Johnny?”
The Propane Bottle Rocket Kit - “Be the first kid on your block to place an object in orbit!”
Zip Guns Are Fun! - “Use common household items!” “Terrorize your friends!”
The Larry Walters Flight Exploration Kit - “Make an air traffic controller’s day!” “Become famous on the Straight Dope Message Board!” “Airlines pilots will be amazed by your zany antics!”
[hijack]
I want Hatch A Momba. And the Venomous Snake Activity Kit. Yeah.
[/hijack]
Li’l Tykes “Running With Scissors Junior Olympics Relay Race”
Mr Bubble’s “Rock and Roll Bathtub Electric Guitar” (includes 200 watt amplifier).
Uncle Milton’s Chigger Farm.
Baby’s First Bow Saw.
Rat-Trap-Kersnap! The game of fast reflexes!
Tickle Me Ebola.
Hungry, Hungry Tapeworm.
The Center for Disease Control’s Nutty Fun Pinãta Full O’ Used Hypodermic Needles.
The Fisher Price Tattoo Parlor (REAL WORKING TATTOO NEEDLES!)
The Hello Kitty Crystal Meth Lab Kit
Power of the Force-Make Your Own REAL Working Lightsaber Kit!
(I want this one!)
"Dodge That Shotput" - From Mattell, an interesting variation of DodgeBall.
Play-Doh Sex Shop Playset - okay, maybe not dangerous, but still…
Marathon Man Dentist Kit
“My First Civil War Field Hospital” with real working bone saw
Gran’Pappy’s Li’l Still
Let me revise that last one:
“Li’l Bootlegger” backyard still construction set
“Junior Saddam Spiderhole playset”
(ventilation fan and beard not included)
“Uncle Mikey’s Neverland Sleepover Adventure game”
“Mr. Clown gin and whiskey popsicle maker”
“Baby Pukey-Wukey” (liquid and solids not included)
“Play-Doh WMD Creation kit”
(requires adult supervision and certain radioactive elements)
Ted Kazinski’s "Fun Time Chemistry Set"