This thread will be for snappy lines that could go (or have gone) in sigs, bumperstickers, etc.
The Rapture will be catch-and-release.
Cutting education to fund prisons is contributing to the cause to finance the effects.
Alfred E. Neuman for President: You could do worse. You always have.
The television will not be revolutionized.
Anyone capable of becoming President is unfit for the job.
You can’t win, you can’t break even, and you can’t quit the game.
That’s a grand list, Derleth. I may return with some other suggestions.
Right now, though, I’d like to ask about your Location. Havre, Montana? I have read that Le Havre in the Netherlands means “the harbor.” Is your Location a gag, or is there a harbor in Montana I don’t know about? 
Yes, AskNott, there is a Havre, Montana. It’s a midsized town northwest of Billings, well to the east of Glacier, and a good ways northeast of Helena. It was named after the town Le Havre in France by Great Northern Railroad officials. As I recall, one of the founders had a grandmother from that town.
This is actually a fairly common question, assuming the questioner knows a bit of French and little Montana history. The town was founded by the railroad and still has a good deal of railroad jobs. The fact that the railroad is going down the tubes means this town isn’t exactly the stellar performer it once was.
My favorite one-liner, signifying my atheism and irreverance towards theism in general, is: Never believe in Gods. It just encourages Them.
I picked it up from a thread here on the boards at least a year ago, maybe longer. Not sure where the person I took it from got it.
Derleth, how do you pronounce “Havre” over there? Just curious.
That wasn’t a sig, by the way.
Not a one-liner, but one I saw the other day that made me chuckle:
“Who was that woman I seen you with last night?”
“You mean: ‘I saw.’”
“Sorry – who was that eyesore I seen you with last night?”
My current sig at another board–
Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting “Holy S**t! What a ride!”
Peace - DESK
I’m with you. I recently saw a bumper sticker that said God save me from Your followers. Here in the Bible belt I thought that showed a very good grasp of the situation.
“Without ME, you’re just Aweso.” – a t-shirt in an ad in the back of Rolling Stone (tshirtsthatsuck.com ?)
“Dear God, save us from the people who believe in you.”
Then: Those are our women, and you niggers can’t marry them.
Now: Those are our women, and you lesbians can’t marry them.
Another variation is “I have nothing against God, it’s his followers I can’t stand.”
And nearly on the Canadian border. Tell me, do you do more shopping in Medicine Hat than in Helena? 
I have a pin with that line, as well as another which reads Recovering Catholic. I never wear them off campus though, or if I do, they’re covered. Flutterby’s variation sums up my opinion on the matter.
The same place i got the pins also sells bumper stickers. I remember they have one which reads My other car is a broom. Another favorite is Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you’re an idiot.
If olive oil is made of olives and corn oil is made of corn, then baby oil is made of…OH NO!!
Why is it those strangers always have the best damn candy…
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. They have never forgotten this.
Only in America…do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Light travels faster than sound.This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
i TrIeD sNiFfInG cOkE oNcE, bUt ThE iCe CuBeS gOt StUcK iN mY nOsE
If vegetarians eat vegeatables, and fruitarians eat fruit, what do humanitarians eat???
Some old favs:
All men are animals, but some make good pets.
I don’t see you, so, don’t pretend to be there.
Out of my mind, Back in 5 minutes
Visualize whirled peas
There’s one in every crowd, and he always finds me.
I’m sure you’re considered hansome on your home planet
I do, but not with you.
“I don’t use the word lesbian. I call 'em vagitarians.” --Randi Rhodes
Some of my favorites…
I don’t need a memory. I have an imagination.
Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.
She listened to her heart above all the over voices.
Some I wrote down:
Inside me is a thin woman screaming to get out, but I keep her sedated with chocolate.
Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.
The larger the island of knowledge, the longer the shoreline of wonder
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent
Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty
Those who dance are thought mad by those who hear not the music
The best things in life aren’t things
American Non-Sequitur Society–We don’t make sense, but we do like pizza
Be yourself–it’s a dirty job, but somebody’s got to do it
Get thee down. Be thou funky.
Life is a journey. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it
May the great galactic kitten always purr you to sleep
Graduate of the Cat School of Excuses “I meant to do that”
Whatever you’re doing, it’s not as important as petting the cat
Do or do not…There is no try
Never criticize a man till you’ve walked a mile in his shoes. Then if he didn’t like what you’ve said, he’s a mile away and barefoot.
No sympathy for self-inflicted wounds.
Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the rat to die.
Sometimes the only solution is to find a new problem.
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more!
By God, for a moment there it all made sense !
Does anyone have any questions? Any answers? Anyone care for a mint?
Hell hath no fury like a vested interest masquerading as a moral principle.
“One has to belong to the intelligentsia to believe things like that: no ordinary man could be such a fool.”
George Orwell, “Notes on Nationalism”