Funny mathematical joke about "giving 110%"

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I got this from my dad, who probably passed it on from someone else, but it’s funny, and apt.

This equation should be taught in all math [and business] classes!

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L- S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top!

2

That’s a good one.

3

My Christian sister-in-law sent me nearly the same thing in email. However, the punch line was LOVE OF GOD = 101%.

I wonder how many versions are floating around in the webby cosmos.

4

Ah, but BILL GATES III = 666%.

5

In which version of Excel?

But what I like is that ALL = 1+12+12 =25%. So, if you’re giving ALL, you’re giving just 25%.

6

yeah, but if you’re giving ‘your all’ you’re giving 104%, so you’re actually giving more than you thought had in you. :slight_smile:

7

But you don’t give “ALL”, you give “YOUR ALL” - 25+15+21+18+1+12+12 = 104%

8

This is an old e-mail I’d seen floating around before… I swear I remember it had more to it…

I don’t know about you all, but I don’t give “YOUR ALL”, I give “MY ALL”. Unfortunately, that’s only: 13 + 24 + 1 + 12 + 12 = 62%. I guess YOUR ALL is better than MY ALL. Hmm… now I’m confused.

9

There’s another one that starts from basic equations:

knowledge = power (schoolhouse rock)
power = work/time (physics)
time = money (just generally known to be true)

You can work out the algebra, but basically, those who get paid the most are the ones who know a lot of stuff, but do almost no work, or something like that.

10

You think your confused? Turns out HEAD only gives 18%. :dubious:

11

Yes, but BLOW JOB gives you 79%. If you really want to earn “brownie” points though, you have to give a TOSSED SALAD. 119% baby.

12

Actually, it’s a lesson about literacy: sesquipedalian gives 152%. It pays to use long words.

Also, I think it’s funny that GIVING YOUR ALL will score lower than GIVING YOUR ASS.

13

Well, heck with it then…if I put NOTHING in at work, I’m still giving 87%.

14

I can work HALF A DAY and I’m giving them 58%. I slow down after lunch.

15

The Space Shuttle spools its engines up to 104% during launch. If it blows up, at least we know it was trying really, really hard. Maybe that is even why it blew up. You can get injured through overexertion. I wonder if NASA ever thought about that?

16

So if I’m taking a nap and catching some ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz, I’m probably doing alright.

17

How exactly do they do that? Figure out the maximum thrust that the engines can produce and then make them to produce four percent more? Turn it up to eleven?

Presumably what NASA does is test its shuttle by running it at 104% of the power they expect to use during a mission. But for all we know, the engines are capable of 120% of normal mission power and the test is no strain.