I’m heading to an Indian restaurant for dinner (got a hot date! ;)). What do I need to know about Indian food so I don’t look like a complete idiot?
Edit: What should I eat AT an Indian restaurant? 
How comfortable are you with spice? If not so much, probably won’t want a vindaloo, for example.
Most Indian restaurant menus that I’ve seen give a decent description of the dish – you probably can’t go too wrong just going with what looks appealing.
Also, as a novice, you probably can’t go too wrong with butter chicken.
Before my first time at an Indian restaurant, I just did a search on indian food terminology or indian menus or something like that. I ended up with a glossary of food terms which was really helpful. Sorry I don’t remember what the site was or anything. Just telling you what worked for me.
Everything. Om nom nom.
I Am Not A Chef, but…
I assume the indian restaurant will have english translations. Ideally you would order a meat, chicken or fish curry (whatever you like the sound of) with rice. Most people like naan bread or roti bread and pappadums with it. It’s normal to order a few sides as well, the standards being dahl (lentil puree) and raita (cucmber and yoghurt) as they take away the burn. We’re fans of vegetable sides like potato and spinach curry (sag aloo) or dishes with paneer (indian cheese) in it and will usually order a couple of those as well.
Most places will mention wether a curry is hot, medium or mild on the menu or you can ask for it how you want it. Vindaloo is a very hot curry, tindaloo hotter still. Tandoori style is meat/chicken baked in the oven in very hot spices. If you don’t like hot food, try butter chicken as technically it’s not a curry but the leftover tandoori chicken in a mild sauce.
Cider is a great drink with curry.
Indian desserts can be on the scary side but if you can still fit something in, gulab jamun (deep fried dough balls stewed in rosewater) are manna.
I don’t have much advice on the food, since I go Rube’s route and just pick something based on its description. If you don’t like cilantro, be wary of anything that mentions coriander. It’s the same herb, although “coriander” usually refers to the seeds, rather than the leaves, in a food description.
I do recommend a sweet lassi (preferably mango lassi) to drink, especially if you go for the spicy foods.
I suspect that a novice who likes chicken as well as spices, yogurt, tomato sauces, and cream would enjoy chicken tikka masala. It’s tasty but “different” & isn’t terribly spicy, even to the uninitiated. Garlic, paprika, cumin, pepper, etc. are some spices that I’ve seen in recipes.
Have fun!
I like to get a thali, which is a sort of sampler platter that usually has a couple of different curries, maybe a piece of tandoori chicken, a yogurt dish, a dal, and some chutneys/dipping sauces. You definitely want to get some type of bread, too. There is also usually a vegetarian version.
Here is the website for an Indian restaurant in Seattle (chosen more or less at random). Take a look at the menu. If you dislike spinach, I recommend staying away from saag dishes (since that’s what saag means). The tandoori specialities are basically dry while other stuff, like under chicken, is in a sauce. But as noted above, the restaurant menu probably has a description of the dishes. Choose what sounds appealing.
Coriander seeds, or powder, provides a very different flavour to the leaves, and so a cilantro-hater isn’t necessarily going to need to steer clear of them. (It’s probably worth noting, too, that ‘coriander’ is the universal term for the leaves as well as seeds in Britain.)
A lot of our Indian restaurants have a buffet option–is that available? If not, tandoori anything is safe and delicious. If you have any sort of legume allergy Indian food can be your worst nightmare so be forewarned. Otherwise, just go nuts and order whatever looks good, don’t be afraid to be upfront about your unfamiliarity with the dishes–if your date is more familiar, let him/her guide you or ask the server for suggestions. If you have an open mind and let it be an adventure you’ll be fine–Indian food is the bomb.
I like to go to Indian places with buffets, so I can try all of it. Unfortunately, it seems like they’re never labeled, or if they are they’re obviously labeled wrong, so you never know what that thing you liked was called.
I can’t see any reasonable person caring much about your knowledge of Indian food (either your date will tell you what things are or the waiter will– neither’s a big deal). Tandoori chicken and butter chicken with naan or rice are both delicious, safe bets. Assuming the kitchen’s clean. You’ll both smell afterwards, so that’s no big deal. All you really have to worry about is spice and hygiene!
I love most Indian food (at least the vegetarian options). It’s hard to go wrong with malai kofta.
If you’re a beer drinker, I recommend Hayward’s 2000, which I believe is brewed India. I’ve only seen it in Indian restaurants, and I order it whenever I can.
Oh, ETA: malai kofta are savory balls of veggies and flour (usually chickpea flour), deep fried, and served in a thick sauce.
A Samosa! Peas and potato stuffed in fried dough. Some come with chicken or lamb! That’s the appetizer. For the main course my personal favorite is the chicken tikka masala. It’s delicious chicken in a yogurt tomato sauce. It’s usually not that spicy and it’s served with fragrant basmati rice. I die for naan bread fresh out fo the oven
For dessert I always have the indian rice pudding. I forget what it’s called though. You can also try chicken tandoori for the main dish, which is usually not very spicy and is a delicious over baked chicken dish.
I’m hungry now.
No one mentioned phaals yet? 
A biriyani is a good choice if you’re not keen on hot food. It’s a rice dish incorporating vegetables and a meat (chicken or lamb) or prawns and comes with mild vegetable curry side.
Yes, which is why I pointed out the distinction. I haven’t noticed anything particularly unpleasant about the seeds, but I watch for it in the descriptions so I can avoid stuff with the leaves in it.
Oh, and I second gulab jamun for dessert, though kheer and payasam (two different types of rice pudding) are also nice.
This. 
Other considerations:
Don’t order too much food, unless you plan on taking leftovers for next day’s lunch. For two people, you want two entrees, rice, and one order of naan, at most. You could add an appetizer (samosas are delicious, but you’ll find yourself with leftovers.) By rice, I mean plain rice (typical Indian restaurant rice will have a touch of saffron, maybe a bit of oil, and perhaps parsley or peas added); biryani is something else entirely. Some Indian restaurants allow you to order side dishes half size, so you can get a main dish and two sides. Otherwise get one main and one side.
Nice basic order:
Butter chicken (also called chicken tikka masala). A vegetable side, say eggplant bharta, or mutter paneer. Add plain naan, and an order of rice. If you can get half size sides, add a daal, because it’s great for dipping naan.
Then go back later and order something different. Repeat until you’ve tried everything. Indian food is my faaaaaaavorite in the world.
And when you get really good, you’ll be able to distinguish North from South from Coastal.
South Indian food wears dark glasses so it isn’t recognized, right?
I don’t think we get phaal this side of the Atlantic. At least I’ve never seen it (nor its close cousin, tindaloo) at any Indian restaurants around here.
Yeah, for beginner’s Indian, you can’t go wrong with Butter Chicken (Murgh Makhani), Chicken Tikka Masala, or even Korma (with whatever meat you prefer). Start with a veggie samosa or two, accompany the main dish with naan and rice, finish off with a mango lassi, and you’ve got a pretty straightforward, if not a bit stereotypical, intro to Indian cuisine (which, in and of itself, is a pretty expansive cuisine covering a lot of ground.)
Chicken Korma (a creamy sauce with almonds). Chicken Saag (spinach) or Saag Paneer (cheese). Lamb Vindaloo (spicy! but in an intoxicating way.).
As others said, though, “everything.” It’s all good.