So, my husband, just now, had the remote to the tv in his hand, and somehow managed to lose it.
Him: Where is it? I just had it?
Me (being a smart ass): Have you looked in your pants?
God as my witness, he patted his pockets, then actually unbuttoned his fly, and fished around in the crotch of his pants looking for the remote.
Me: hee hee hee
Him: What?
Me: I can’t believe you actually looked in your pants.
Him: :rolleyes:
Me: BWAHAHAHA!
Him: Shut up.
(He found the remote under the cushions of the couch. Neither of us are sure how it got from his hand to under the couch cushions in, like, 10 seconds.)
A friend said something silly about hating the way that everyone liked her only for her good looks. I said something about not me being too ugly to have that problem. Friend didn’t get that I was being equally and oppositely silly, and felt bad for me. (Other friends got it at once).
I was at work, and showing off pictures of my son, who had broken his leg and was in a cast from his chest down. My boss walks u behind me and peeks over my shoulder at a photo. “Cute kid, whose is he?” he asks. Upon finding out that the kid belongs to me, he asks me what happened to him. And my response was…
…Wait for it…
“Oh, you know. He wouldn’t shut the hell up so I threw him down the stairs!”
Then I burst out into gales of mad laughter. Yeah, ha ha, I gotcha! Only I really did. The look of horror on his face will be etched in my mind permanently.
This phenomenon is a close kin to where you make a sly pun and the receiver picks up on the link and points it out like it’s his clever little joke. :mad:
The Japanese aren’t very good with sarcasm, so I’ve been hit several times by girls who don’t understand what I’m saying and take me too seriously. For the record, I’m almost never serious and you can’t take anything I say as if I actually mean it.
example: last time my girlfriend was sitting on my lap she said “am I too heavy for you?” and I replied with something along the lines of “what? I can’t hear you over the excrutiating pain, I think my leg is broken.” she instantly jumped off me (at which point I picked her up and placed her back in her proper position, hehe)
happens to me ALL THE TIME, I hate people sometimes
A few months ago after a Dodger game and having a Dodger dog + drink, we head out and one of us jokingly say, “Hey, let’s go to Tommy’s!” At this point, we were stuffed but one of the guys who brought a bag of food AND had 2 Dodger dogs said, “Yeah!” We paused and said that we were joking. He quietly remarked with, “Oh.”
A new hire at work years ago, one who hadn’t been around me long at all, asked a fairly boring question. Something like “Can you get this storage device cabled?” to which I responded “Are you threatening me?” You know, like Cornholio when he was asked for his hall pass.
Anyway - the guy apologized and assured me that he wasn’t, that someone else told him to come to me.
I had no idea how to explain Beavis and Butthead to someone that obviously had never seen it, so I just mumbled “It’s ok. Just kidding, I’ll have it cabled by lunch”
I was working in a restaurant with a woman I’ll call A. A was very, very bright but also very, very gullible.
One day we were cleaning under the equipment and pulled out a mouse trap. It was one of the humane type things which was basically a box with a one way door. For whatever reason the top of the box was missing. A pulled it out and asked what it was.
I told her it was a mouse trap.
She asked why it didn’t have a top.
I explained to her the little known fact that mice couldn’t jump.
She didn’t quite buy that at first and said ‘Really?’. I then explained in more detail. I explained that mice could sort of jump, they could launch themselves *forward *just fine but couldn’t actually jump up to get over things. I went in to a lot of (totally made up) detail. For example, kangaroo mice were different, they could actually jump up which explained their name.
This went on for about a week, with me making up more and more outlandish mouse tales, until I told her something that was so silly (and she was totally buying) that I burst out laughing.
In college, most people’s parents would come up for parents’ weekend to visit their precious little children (private liberal arts school for the chronically privileged). Mine weren’t coming, since they had to work, and someone asked me if my parents were coming up for the weekend. Being a smartass, I said “No, I’m an orphan.”
I let him believe it for about ten minutes, while he frantically apologized for bringing up the topic. Quite enjoyable.
I also often try to convince people that I’ve got a chlorophyll allergy if I turn down a salad. You’d be surprised how often people believe it. But that’s more a case of me actively trying to put one over on people.
