I think Shakespear wrote the best ones. Things like “you lisp, and wear strange suits” or “I bid you draw near more to marvel at you than to hear you.”
I think this is more an IMHO thread than MPSIMS, but . . .
The classic insult of all time is, “Your mother was a HAMSTER, and your father smelt of ELDERBERRIES!!!”
I called someone a pigf*$@ing bastard terrorist once… hehe… I still like that one…
Yep, this is more of an IMHO thread. Gonna shoo it on over.
TVeblen,
Moderator, IMHO
“If I had a dog that looked like you, I’d shave his ass and train him to walk backwards.”
Did you get into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t looking?
Who hit you with the ugly stick?
Oxygen thief – as in, “By the very fact of being alive and breathing, you’re stealing air from people who deserve it more.”
Sir
“It is my conjecture that your mother was no stranger to the embraces of barnyard and domestic animals”
“Your genitals resemble moldy spinach”
filthy bags of mostly water
talking monkeys
My favorite insult has to be “Mother fckr… Food eater” Its stolen from the movie River’s Edge, and even if it makes no sense to the person I’m insulting, it makes me feel better!
Three of my favorite insults were comebacks.
CLAIRE BOOTH LUCE (holding the door for Dorothy Parker): Age before beauty.
DOROTHY PARKER: Pearls before swine.
EARL OF SANDWICH: 'Pon my honor, Wilkes, I know not whether you will die on the gallows, or of a pox!
JOHN WILKES: That, sir, depends upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.
[This exchange has also been attributed to Disraeli and Gladstone; I doubt that those two uptight Victorians would have abused each other in such earthy terms, but John Wilkes was just infuriating enough to provoke such an insult, and just irrepressible enough to make such an outrageous reply].
LADY ASTOR: Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!
WINSTON CHURCHILL: Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
You mentioned Shakespearean insults; one of my favorites is:
“Here comes a pair of very strange beasts which in all tongues are called fools.”
“Your mother must be so proud”
I don’t know about “the best”, but he did write some good ones (some of which I’ve incorporated in various posts of mine).
One of my favorites:
“Wherein is he good,
but to taste sack and drink it?
wherein neat and cleanly,
but to carve a capon and eat it?
wherein cunning, but in craft?
wherein crafty, but in villany?
wherein villanous, but in all things?
wherein worthy, but in nothing?”
–Henry IV, Part 1, Act 2, Scene iv
I really like that one. Also:
“Here’s Agamemnon,
an honest fellow enough
and one that loves quails;
but he has not so much brain as earwax”
–Troilus and Cressida, Act 5, Scene i
Sperm burping gutter gash.
Translation from arabic:
May the fleas of a thousand dead camels infest your armpits.
Another Lady Astor Winston Churchill exchange:
‘Winston,…You’re drunk!!!’
‘And you,Madam, are ugly…But I shall be sober in the morning!!!’
Have I told you today that I love you? … if not, consider yourself told !!!
(for the rest of you, when you find a woman that can quote your favorite movies at the drop of a hat and gets all your Monty Python references, marry her … I know I did)
Cum sucking road whore.
All of the rest of my favorites are affectionate terms.
You are a total, total… a word has yet to be invented to describe how totally whatever-it-is you are, but you are one. And a total, total one at that.
(Woohoo, 5 posts)
A friend once shouted “Suck my back!”. Cracked me up.
My hubby and I were arguing about something once and I was trying to get him to realize that it wasn’t what he had done that was the problem, but the state of mind that led him to commit the act. I wound up calling him a “selfish inconsiderate dickhead”, which cracked both of us up and we forgot about the argument. So, on the rare occasions that we argue, if it’s starting to get out of hand, one of us calls the other a selfish inconsiderate dickhead and we are both so amused by it that we stop arguing.