View Poll Results: Which is Faker: Top Gun or Dances with Wolves?
Dude, DWW is F-in' FAKE AS SHIT 29 26.61%
Dude, Top Gun should be "Top Shit" 57 52.29%
URA Jackass, but I love your shit. 31 28.44%
Dude, you ROCK, 'cuz you give to charity 17 15.60%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 109. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 04-17-2010, 08:18 PM
Super Kapowzler is offline
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Which Shit is Faker: Dances with Wolves or Top Gun?


Fakes I'm gonna point out:

DWW:
A lone wolf surviving in Buffalo Gap Nat'l Grassland. Wiki Wolf.

"Walks-with-Fuck-Hair"? with no kids? Bitch would be "Loose-Bitch-is-Havin'-Another-Papoose-and-Shit" and you know what I mean.

The "Have a Cup of Smallpox!", scene, yeah, Indians never had anything sweet, shit was totally new. "Made gifts of coffee and sugar..", then they went and opened a Starbucks. FU Costner, you whiny bitch.

F-er out on his horse with the Daisey Red Ryder and shit, droppin' STAMPEDING BUFFALO (maybe put the F-er's eye out or some shit,) and I can't even spell ballistically improbable and shit.
By 1860's the Lakota Tribe had NO IDEA OF THE EXPANSION of the Washichie and shit?

True in DWW: I forgot. Maybe the Black Hills are in South Dakota

Fakes in TOP SHIT:
Any scene with friendly and hostile aircraft in the same scene.
Any aircraft scene.
Multi squadron-patches on Mavdickheads jacket, yup he flys CAP, HeloRescue, ASHandTRASH, mail and shit and LookingGlass.
Dogfight scenes; see: Any and shit
Havin' a chick with 0 hours in combat air patrol be the "Best of the Best" (see; 900 miles to Florida wearing a space-diaper), advisor with a PhD from Afterburner SNES Tech. FU Bitch.
"Crisis situation with inbound MIGs w/Excocets and shit, so we are flying you halfway around the world to intercept and shit, before they get there." They got HOW close to a carrier in a Task Force and shit with 1 F-in' plane flyin' CAP?

True in Top Shit: I'd rather have our Navy that them stupid pirate Fuckers they got overwhereverthatshitis. I first saw this while at GLakesNavTrnbase and shit that ain't there anymore.
  #2  
Old 04-17-2010, 08:40 PM
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This may be the best IMHO thread ever. Nice job sir.
  #3  
Old 04-17-2010, 08:45 PM
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That is word-for-word my Master's thesis. Even the title. Eerie.
  #4  
Old 04-17-2010, 09:06 PM
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What, no "Dude, don't post while chemically altered" choice? Bummer.
  #5  
Old 04-17-2010, 09:14 PM
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It would be a hell of a lot easier to answer the OP if it was, like, coherent or something.
  #6  
Old 04-17-2010, 09:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Broomstick View Post
It would be a hell of a lot easier to answer the OP if it was, like, coherent or something.
I believe that should be coherent and shit.
  #7  
Old 04-17-2010, 10:39 PM
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Top Gun is faker, 'cos IRL Tom Cruise is fake and shit.


Don't be hatin' on the 'powz.

Last edited by NinetyWt; 04-17-2010 at 10:40 PM.
  #8  
Old 04-17-2010, 11:55 PM
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I burning your poll and shit.
  #9  
Old 04-18-2010, 01:16 AM
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Top Gun is faker because Kelly McGillis is a lesbian but the movie made me believe she would fuck me if I joined the Navy. That was 4 years down the drain.
  #10  
Old 04-18-2010, 01:20 AM
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Stop hating on Spock man!
  #11  
Old 04-18-2010, 01:31 AM
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OMG!! I honestly had no idea it was the same poster! ROFLCOPTER!
  #12  
Old 04-18-2010, 02:40 AM
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shit shit shit shit shit

and like, shit
  #13  
Old 04-18-2010, 06:46 AM
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Couldn't there be another option about what a twit Tom Cruise is? I really like observing what a twit Tom Cruise is.
  #14  
Old 04-18-2010, 06:47 AM
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I don't know, but now I want to see the movies Top Wolves and Dances With Guns!

Last edited by ivan astikov; 04-18-2010 at 06:49 AM.
  #15  
Old 04-18-2010, 07:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Boyo Jim View Post
Top Gun is faker because Kelly McGillis is a lesbian but the movie made me believe she would fuck me if I joined the Navy. That was 4 years down the drain.
So...after watching Tom Cruise beat Val Kilmer in the finals of the Homoerotic Beach Volleyball Tournament, you concluded that your best chance to get laid by a beautiful lesbian is to join the Navy and ship out?



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InBXu-iY7cw
  #16  
Old 04-18-2010, 07:57 AM
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A lot of good band names in this thread.
  #17  
Old 04-18-2010, 08:24 AM
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Tom Cruise and Kevin Costner need to make a movie together and shit.
  #18  
Old 04-18-2010, 09:02 AM
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Professionally speaking ...

Top Gun was close to the most fake movie ever made. A Simpsons or South Park episode involving aliens is closer to reality. And Tom Cruise is the most pussy / wimp leading man Hollywood has thrown up in decades. How the hell he ended up playing macho characters is incomprehensible to me. And that's not even considering his real life.

I think our OP is a bit shall we say, fired up, on this topic but he makes perfect sense.

Top Gun: totally like shit ... an shit.

Last edited by LSLGuy; 04-18-2010 at 09:04 AM.
  #19  
Old 04-18-2010, 09:21 AM
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Top Gun was close to the most fake movie ever made. A Simpsons or South Park episode involving aliens is closer to reality. And Tom Cruise is the most pussy / wimp leading man Hollywood has thrown up in decades. How the hell he ended up playing macho characters is incomprehensible to me. And that's not even considering his real life.
The original silent version was better.
  #20  
Old 04-18-2010, 09:22 AM
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A jet jockey with a Seabee patch on his leathers? WTF? Unless you got a plumbing problem and shit in your jet, those dudes don't do airplanes.
  #21  
Old 04-18-2010, 09:31 AM
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For the benefit of those rare Dopers who have yet to visit the Gardens of Valhalla, I give you The rock in the box: I burning your dog which should clear up any confusion about the none-too-subtle references to this masterpiece.

That said, I stand in awe of the efforts being made here!
  #22  
Old 04-18-2010, 09:36 AM
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Strangely, the OP reminds me of a third movie, Billy Madison.

Quote:
"Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
  #23  
Old 04-18-2010, 10:23 AM
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I dunno; maybe I'm starting to get his rhythms, but the OP made a lot of sense to me. I think I better go lie down.
  #24  
Old 04-18-2010, 11:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nachtmusick View Post
So...after watching Tom Cruise beat Val Kilmer in the finals of the Homoerotic Beach Volleyball Tournament, you concluded that your best chance to get laid by a beautiful lesbian is to join the Navy and ship out?



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InBXu-iY7cw
No no no!. I mean, I knew not to get into any beach volleyball games, and I knew that all Navy pilots were like, gay. But I didn't get that Kelly McGillis was.

I figured all I had to do was be "troubled" enough and someone like her would be put in my case, and by case I mean penis.
  #25  
Old 04-18-2010, 11:49 AM
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Even at 13 I was pretty sure you'd get in trouble for standing around mournfully (to wit, uselessly) on the deck of carrier and pitching shit off it.
  #26  
Old 04-18-2010, 11:52 AM
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Tom Cruise and Kevin Costner need to make a movie together and shit.
"Top Dances with Two-Hole Outhouses"?
  #27  
Old 04-18-2010, 12:02 PM
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Excuse me stewardess, I speak jive in case anyone needs help translating. Brother got game. Knock yourself a pro slick. Gray matter back got perform us down I take TCBin, man.
  #28  
Old 04-18-2010, 12:49 PM
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This Poll Is Highly Illogical.
  #29  
Old 04-18-2010, 02:40 PM
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It's also in the wrong forum.
  #30  
Old 04-18-2010, 03:07 PM
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Are these the fakest movies ever made or is this just a sample review? I am watching Rocky III as we speak and my fakeness meter is cranked up like a $10 ho on $100 worth of crack. Ain't no way a short Italian man is going to beat Mr. T but they found a way out. What kind of shit is that? If you want to see something more fake than a 3 carat cubic zirconium from the discount rack at a pawn shop, you have to check out something written by and stared in by none other than the Italian Stallion himself.
  #31  
Old 04-18-2010, 05:34 PM
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Super, have you had your ammonia level checked lately? Just askin'
  #32  
Old 04-18-2010, 06:42 PM
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I met Tom Cruise once. He was having lunch with Kevin Costner at a cafe in a small airport in Orange county. They were both very nice. Tom had the chicken salad.

No wait, I misspeak. Leonard Nimoy had the chicken salad.
  #33  
Old 04-18-2010, 07:03 PM
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Even at 13 I was pretty sure you'd get in trouble for standing around mournfully (to wit, uselessly) on the deck of carrier and pitching shit off it.
He wasn't on the deck was he? I thought he was on one of the lower levels.
  #34  
Old 04-18-2010, 07:12 PM
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I met Tom Cruise once. He was having lunch with Kevin Costner at a cafe in a small airport in Orange county. They were both very nice. Tom had the chicken salad.

No wait, I misspeak. Leonard Nimoy had the chicken salad.
Tom had the tossed salad?
  #35  
Old 04-18-2010, 07:47 PM
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Tom had the tossed salad?
The Jumping Couch Potato Salad.
  #36  
Old 04-18-2010, 07:58 PM
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He wasn't on the deck was he? I thought he was on one of the lower levels.
He was on one of the deck edge elevators I think.
  #37  
Old 04-18-2010, 10:00 PM
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Moving this shit from IMHO to Cafe Society.
  #38  
Old 04-19-2010, 06:06 AM
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I like this poster, I wish he were a mod.

Last edited by BMalion; 04-19-2010 at 06:06 AM.
  #39  
Old 04-19-2010, 06:07 AM
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He was on one of the deck edge elevators I think.
Right. I think you can go and get all mopey on the deck if you want when there are no flight ops anyway.
  #40  
Old 04-19-2010, 08:24 AM
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Right. I think you can go and get all mopey on the deck if you want when there are no flight ops anyway.
Yeah, when I joined up (to meet the one woman on the base, like Boyo Jim), I thought I'd be flying dangerous missions.

But all I got to do was mope the deck.
  #41  
Old 04-19-2010, 08:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Super Kapowzler View Post
Fakes I'm gonna point out:

DWW:
A lone wolf surviving in Buffalo Gap Nat'l Grassland. Wiki Wolf.

"Walks-with-Fuck-Hair"? with no kids? Bitch would be "Loose-Bitch-is-Havin'-Another-Papoose-and-Shit" and you know what I mean.

The "Have a Cup of Smallpox!", scene, yeah, Indians never had anything sweet, shit was totally new. "Made gifts of coffee and sugar..", then they went and opened a Starbucks. FU Costner, you whiny bitch.

F-er out on his horse with the Daisey Red Ryder and shit, droppin' STAMPEDING BUFFALO (maybe put the F-er's eye out or some shit,) and I can't even spell ballistically improbable and shit.
By 1860's the Lakota Tribe had NO IDEA OF THE EXPANSION of the Washichie and shit?

True in DWW: I forgot. Maybe the Black Hills are in South Dakota

Fakes in TOP SHIT:
Any scene with friendly and hostile aircraft in the same scene.
Any aircraft scene.
Multi squadron-patches on Mavdickheads jacket, yup he flys CAP, HeloRescue, ASHandTRASH, mail and shit and LookingGlass.
Dogfight scenes; see: Any and shit
Havin' a chick with 0 hours in combat air patrol be the "Best of the Best" (see; 900 miles to Florida wearing a space-diaper), advisor with a PhD from Afterburner SNES Tech. FU Bitch.
"Crisis situation with inbound MIGs w/Excocets and shit, so we are flying you halfway around the world to intercept and shit, before they get there." They got HOW close to a carrier in a Task Force and shit with 1 F-in' plane flyin' CAP?

True in Top Shit: I'd rather have our Navy that them stupid pirate Fuckers they got overwhereverthatshitis. I first saw this while at GLakesNavTrnbase and shit that ain't there anymore.
Patton Oswalt - is that you?



(There's a guy on Ain't it Cool News who posts review that read as wacky-yet-effective as our modified friend in the OP - he goes by Neil Cumpston or something like that, and is rumored to actually be Patton Oswalt, channeling his inner movie geek-tard - here's his review of the movie 300.)
  #42  
Old 04-19-2010, 08:51 AM
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Kapowzler, could you please start a discussion of Every F-ass Shit Movie I've Ever Seen?

As soon as you get a chance. It would greatly increase my enjoyment of the world, as well as my will to live.

Thank you.
  #43  
Old 04-19-2010, 09:29 AM
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I think that movie where the giant shark jumps out of the water and eats a jet plane is way faker.


But on the other hand, what kind of sorry woman would date a guy that just humiliated her in a bar full of people, then chased her into the women's bathroom to talk about having sex on the counter?


Oh yeah, and Clifford the Bog Red Dog is totally fake, too. How could a red dog get that big?
  #44  
Old 04-19-2010, 09:48 AM
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No no no!. I mean, I knew not to get into any beach volleyball games, and I knew that all Navy pilots were like, gay. But I didn't get that Kelly McGillis was.
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=7464419&page=1
Oddly enough, she was.

Last edited by E-Sabbath; 04-19-2010 at 09:49 AM.
  #45  
Old 04-19-2010, 10:06 AM
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Right. I think you can go and get all mopey on the deck if you want when there are no flight ops anyway.
Can you throw other peoples' dog tags into the ocean?
  #46  
Old 04-19-2010, 10:07 AM
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By 1860's the Lakota Tribe had NO IDEA OF THE EXPANSION of the Washichie and shit?
Straight up, bitch. Word was all out on the Wasichu and shit.
  #47  
Old 04-19-2010, 10:33 AM
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"Top Dances with Two-Hole Outhouses"?
No, "Tin Cup of Thunder." Don't drink out of it. It's full of shit and shit.
  #48  
Old 04-19-2010, 11:55 AM
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Oh yeah, and Clifford the Bog Red Dog is totally fake, too. How could a red dog get that big?
Love, dude, love...





...and shit.
  #49  
Old 04-19-2010, 12:28 PM
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Big red dog = penis
  #50  
Old 04-19-2010, 12:37 PM
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If you build it, show me the money and shit.

Last edited by Super Kapowzler; 04-19-2010 at 12:37 PM. Reason: Here we go again...
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