Judge Judy you rude bitch

[McMurphy]

[sub] this is my debut pit thread, apologies if it’s not up to scratch[/sub]

“Hi Judge, I’ve got a problem with my ex wife and she has a problem with me, we’re here in the hope that justice can be done”

“Siddown and shaddup. Pay her $300.00”

“But…but…”

“WHAT???”

“I haven’t told you the problem yet?”

“So?? Are you arguing with me? Do you dare defy me you worthless sheet stain?”

“N…n…no judge. B…but, shouldn’t you hear some of the evidence?”

“Don’t presume to tell me what to do in my own courtroom you disgusting cockroach. You’ll do as I say or I’ll cut your cock off and feed it to my pirahnas!”

plaintiff breaks down in tears.

The above is my version of the Judge Judy show. The version whereby the contestants ('cos that’s all they really are) get to hear what the wise and venerable Judge actually thinks of them. I think it would be a real ratings winner, 'course it would have to be shown after prime time but that’s no matter. After all, the ruder she is the more people who’ll tune in to see what she’ll say next. She’d be the Howard Stern of prime time litigation. I might actually watch a show like that. However, whilst she is still the sickening, gut wrenching, vomit inducing, ice bitch whore she is right now I’d rather write a rant dedicated to her own special brand of misanthropic bile.

Fuck you “Judge”. Fuck you and your so called courtroom you miserable little ice hearted bitch. You are the laws answer to Jerry Springer, pretty fitting for someone who probably won her law degree in a game of strip poker and whose “courtroom” doubles for a living room on Sunset Beach the rest of the week you walking, talking, living, breathing fuckrag. I mean, where the FUCK do you get off treating everyone like the shit on your shoes? You yourself are lower than the shit on the heel of a pig molester so if anything you should be treating your plaintiffs and defendants with a little respect. Hell, even the gibbering retards who come in and watch your shitty little show are better than you, more respectable than you, higher up the fucking food chain that you, just better than you, in every conceivable way. Now I don’t know which circle of hell spawned you but I swear you have 24 hours to get the fuck back to wherever you belong before I call in the exorcists.

You are a walking advertisement for the beneficial effects of a sterilisation program for the drug addled retards your parents so obviously were. You are a snide, sanctimonious shit head with so little respect for other people’s feelings it’s a wonder you haven’t met with an unfortunate encounter with a tire iron long before now. You demonstrate perfectly the dangers of a shallow gene pool. You are a hideous, sanctimonious sow, a leech on the backside of the human race, just looking at your hideous, hypocritical, dried out raisen of a face is enough to make me want to vomit blood.

You poor scab encrusted cow. Your treatment of those in your court is indefensible. It matters not one whit to me that it is an unholy tradition of your “courtroom” that you get to ride roughshod over those who seek your O so wise and esteemed council. Your behaviour towars others still is still enough for me to deem you to be worthless waste of food and air. The air you’ve spent your entire life wasting would have been put to better use feeding a paper basket fire in an old folks home than fuelling your pointless existance.

Get off our airwaves and out of my face.

Bitch.

[pepperlandgirl]

Come on, TheVoiceofReason tell us what you really think!
Don’t be coy.

[schief2]

*Originally posted by TheVoiceofReason *
The air you’ve spent your entire life wasting would have been put to better use feeding a paper basket fire in an old folks home than fuelling your pointless existance.

I’ve heard some zingers in my time, but…nice. Random, good old-fashioned, no-holds-barred, bile-spewing on the Issues Of The Day like this is what keeps me coming back to the Pit.

A tad over-reliant on swear words towards the middle, but very solid overall. I give it a 9.2.

[jb_farley]

amen, dude. you have cetainly lived up to your name.

I’ve been waiting years for Rusty the Baliff to come on over and kick the everloving shits out of her. Still waiting.
jb

[stofsky]

Slight hijack here, but has anyone noticed the difference in address of bailiff between Judge Judy and Judge Joe Brown? Judge Judy calls hers “Byrd,” his last name. Judge Joe calls his “Miss Holly,” her first, with the honorific. Could be because of background–she’s a New Yawkah and he’s a (sitting, IIRC) Tennessee judge. Or is it a race thing? You be the judge

[labdude]

*Originally posted by stofsky *
**You be the judge **

It’s a southern thing. It has nothing to do with race.

[Muskoka9]

TVoR, the trick is for you to get on the show so you can tell her all this in person.

Now THAT would be an episode worth watching.

[tdn]

*Originally posted by Muskoka9 *
**TVoR, the trick is for you to get on the show so you can tell her all this in person.

Now THAT would be an episode worth watching. **

JJ: TVoR, tell again me why you don’t like me.

TVoR: Well…

JJ: I’M SPEAKING! I’ve been doing this for 25 years. Does it say “stupid” across my forehead?

TVoR: Just to the left of where it says “Sea Hag.”

JJ: Your trying my patience, Mr. oR. When was the last time you paid child support?

TVoR: I don’t have any children.

JJ: Oh, you’ve got an excuse for everthing, don’t you?. Listen – I’m smarter on my worst day than you are on your best day.

TVoR: If you replace the word “smarter” with “bigoted”, then yes.

JJ: Did you bring any documentation?

TVoR: Yes. May I present it?

JJ: NO! I’m not interested! Do you think I was born yesterday?

TVoR: Judging by your prune face…

JJ: Case dismissed!

TVoR: You’re a loss, applesauce.

[stofsky]

*Originally posted by labdude *
**

*Originally posted by stofsky *
**You be the judge **

It’s a southern thing. It has nothing to do with race. **

Yeah, you’re right–I’m in the south. But I thought, this being the Pit and all, that I’d try to raise some rabble.

[c_goat]

When I was in Vegas I watched Judge Judy every day (while the woman was getting ready) and I like her. These people usually have stupid frivolous cases, and they just bicker back and forth in front of her, with neither party showing any real proof. She gets tired of them interrupting her (and each other) and spewing bullshit and yells at them. You also have to take in to account that she reviews the cases and the evidence beforehand, and she has to fit the case into the 15-minute time slot (two cases per episode). This is why she’s so adamant about not being interrupted.

I say GO JUDGE JUDY!

I feel she always gives a fair judgment based on what we’re allowed to see.

[Bricker]

The Judicial Canons of Ethics, Canon 3(A)(3), provides in pertinent part:

Judges should be patient, dignified, and courteous to litigants, jurors, witnesses, lawyers, and others with whom judges deal in their official capacity, and should require similar conduct of lawyers, and of the staff, court officials, and others subject to their direction and control.

The commentary which accompanies 3(A)(3) explains:

The duty to hear all proceedings fairly and with patience is not inconsistent with the duty to dispose promptly of the business of the court. Courts can be efficient and business-like while being patient and deliberate.

• Rick

[Jodi]

JJ: I’M SPEAKING! I’ve been doing this for 25 years. Does it say “stupid” across my forehead?

TVoR: Just to the left of where it says “Sea Hag.”

Well, that supplied my laugh of the day.

I rarely watch Judge Judy because I’m rarely home during the day. But I caught it a couple of times this week when I was home cursing a minor back injury.

This one woman disputed her boyfriend’s assertion that he was entitled to all the money in a joint account because he put in more money. The woman was trying to explain that he might put in more money but she paid more of the expenses. She said “I have my checkbook right here” to prove it. Judge Judy said something like “Judges don’t look through checkbooks! Do you think I don’t have anything better to do than review your checkbook register?”

Um, unless I’m much mistaken, judges look at all evidence that is relevant, material, and otherwise admissible. They may refuse to look at it because it is not r/m/otherwise a, but they don’t refuse to look at it because it’s too lowly or too boring or would take too much time. Also, Judge Judy barks at people, cuts them off and won’t let them speak, and she makes snap decisions, which in my mind means she must be making wrong decisions at least some of the time.

It might be fine entertainment (?), but I don’t think much of it as the legal system in action.

[milroyj]

Slight hijack here, but has anyone noticed the difference in address of bailiff between Judge Judy and Judge Joe Brown? Judge Judy calls hers “Byrd,” his last name. Judge Joe calls his “Miss Holly,” her first, with the honorific. Could be because of background–she’s a New Yawkah and he’s a (sitting, IIRC) Tennessee judge. Or is it a race thing? You be the judge

Apparently, “Byrd” is what Mr. Byrd prefers to be called, as it appears throughout his bio:

http://www.judgejudy.com/bios/byrdsword.asp

[McMurphy]

For all those who’ve enjoyed this thread but thought it lacked a certain something, namely the Judge herself, please direct yuor browsers here

http://www.newgrounds.com/frames.php?location=/portal/view.php?id=7049

You vs The Judge, all you have are you wits, your cunning, you reflexes…and a huge fuck off Gun. Play away.

[Freudian_Slit]

Hey guys. That is so weird. Last night, I was watching SNL (a rerun on Comedy Central) with Lucy Lawless hosting. And there was a spoof on it…

Cheri Oteri played Judge Judy. The case was about a woman bringing this other woman to court. The former was a mother who had thrown a birthday party for her son, and had hired the latter as a clown. The “clown” was played by Lucy Lawless and instead of being a clown, had actually sort of thrown a strip show.

Then the real Judge Judy walked in. Wow. Yikes. Cheri moved over and the real “Judge” sat down. (Yes, both Cheri and Judy were wearing the weird lace collars.) Then Judge Judy sided with Lucy Lawless/the “clown” by saying she showed real “entreuprenurial” spirit. Nice, huh?

[MandaJo]

I think that critizing Judge Judy for being a poor example of the legal system in action is about as pointless as critizing General Hospital for being a poor example of the medical profession. THe “reality” veneer on this show is particularly thin: there is no “Judge Judy”. That the actress that plays the chacreter of “Judge Judy” shares a name with the charecter is no more signifigant thant than the fact that Tony Danza plays charecters named “Tony”. The “defendants” are effectivly paid actors competing over who gets the bigger share of a $5000 pot. When they say it is " an unholy tradition of your “courtroom” that you get to ride roughshod over those who seek your O so wise and esteemed council." they are not talking about the law, they are setting up the premise for the show.

There is nothing wrong with bitching about a fictional TV show, lord knows, but do it on that basis. It is a dumb and annoying TV show, not a miscarrige of justice.

[Cervaise]

Not bad. This bit, though:

You are a snide, sanctimonious shit head with so little respect for other people’s feelings it’s a wonder you haven’t met with an unfortunate encounter with a tire iron long before now.

…sounds kind of familiar.

Not that I mind. It’s nice to know my inspiration lives on.

[RoboDude]

Manda JO:

I think that critizing Judge Judy for being a poor example of the legal system in action is about as pointless as critizing General Hospital for being a poor example of the medical profession. THe “reality” veneer on this show is particularly thin: there is no “Judge Judy”. That the actress that plays the chacreter of “Judge Judy” shares a name with the charecter is no more signifigant thant than the fact that Tony Danza plays charecters named “Tony”. The “defendants” are effectivly paid actors competing over who gets the bigger share of a $5000 pot.

The problem with your analogy is that unlike General Hospital, Judge Judy tries to pass herself off as an actual judge in an actual courtroom, despite the fact that her behavior would be unforgivable in a real court.

[Captain_Amazing]

Part of the problem is that she’s really a family court judge, not a small claims judge…it’s not her area of law.

[mdf]

Aren’t all of these ‘Judge X’ shows really just binding arbitration anyway? That is, rather than actual small claims court, the parties agree to have their dispute settled by a disinterested third party? The few examples I’ve seen all seem to draw their ‘contestants’ from the Jerry Springer pool, though.

-mdf