Im Very confused, my wife believes I’m having an affair and its totally false. We have 5 kids together, been married for 14 years, work together at our business, literally 6 feet from each other accept when im on the road( 5-6 hrs a day). im at my wits end, I cant explain to her enough or make her believe that I’m NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR!!! It’s aggravating and taking a toll on my patients. I love her so much it hurts me to think of a life without her, what do I do that I havent already done?
What is she citing as her evidence?
Lack of sex? Phone calls? Not being around? Each of those can be addressed.
Suspicion and paranoia? A lot harder to deal with.
Why, exactly, does she think you’re having an affair? She found something? Or just a general sense?
I dont know, I work with a lot of women, ( designers) I meet with them a lot and their in my phone logs. Many of them have become friends but only during work hours, I NEVER hang out with them on weekends or any thing like that. We talk about how their kids are and what they did over the weekend. Just friendly chit chat
DEFINITELY not lack of sex, after 14 years we have a healthy sex life, but she has shown me more attention now than in the past, she cant get enough sex now
Lately I ran into a guy who happened to be married to an old girlfriend of mine, thats when it all started
If I were as open about my cynicism as I pretend to be, I’d offer the notion that maybe *she’s *having an affair and she’s deflecting it onto you. But I’m not that big of an asshole.
Or maybe I am. Sorry … but that’s the news from the cynic’s desk.
We spend more time together than most other married couples we know
How is it you’re old enough to have 5 kids, be married 14 yrs, run a successful business but don’t know how to use capital letters or apostrophes?
“accept” should be “except”, “patients” should be “patience”?
I’m no language Nazi but I’m guessing either English is not your first language, or, you’re having some fun with us. It’s certainly makes it hard to take you seriously, or even believe you, to be perfectly honest.
Maybe it’s just me.
I was thinking along the same lines. We had a friend whose wife was boning another guy, but she was constantly accusing him of cheating. I think it has something to do with guilt, or something.
I (would like to) call it the gay preacher syndrome. The certainty that you are a good person, and therefore even the best of people out there are just as capable/desirous of doing the ‘evil’ things that you’re doing.
That was my thought too. Also her renewed interest in sex could indicate an affair - she feels guilty about the sex she’s having with the other guy so tries to make it up to you by having more sex with you.
Naturally I don’t know you, your wife or your circumstances so this is complete speculation.
yeah I just sit here at my desk and search for shit to post because I have nothing better to do, I’m 40 with a 19 y/o, 2 -17 y/olds one of which is mine from a previous marriage and the 19 and other 17 y/o from her previous marriage and we have 13 y/o twins together. I am typically good with spelling and punctuation but I’m a little stressed this morning. Thanks for your insight into my keyboard prowess though.
My first thought was ‘she is having an affair’.
My first ex-wife did that. Maybe it hereditary because her mother did the same thing.
Couple’s counseling.
Oh, and possibly what they said about her being the cheater.
Anyway, good luck with working out whatever is going on.
No, it’s not just you. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt, though.
mmm
Yep. Accusations of cheating are one of the classic signs of cheating. Others are:
- Adoptions of new hobbies, especially if they don’t seem to have any affect. Like suddenly “bowling” three times a week, but not buying a ball or shoes. Or hitting the gym nightly without any weight loss. Or constantly working late.
- Change in sexual frequency within the marriage, either up or down.
- General improvements of appearance and grooming.
- Changes in communication. Like them screen phone calls, when they never used to do that, or them suddenly texting when they previously preferred phone calls.
- Increase in arguments within the marriage.
Are you sending any of these signals to her? Is she sending any to you… I’ve seen at least three signs from the OP’s wife (Accusations, suddenly improved sex life, and arguments). If you are giving her signals, stop. If she is giving you signals, I would talk to her about them. In any case a joint visit to a marriage therapist would not be out of order.
Bolding mine.
Nope. Nowhere to fit an affair in that I can see. Not saying you are, but am saying there is plenty of opportunity for suspicion.
Oh no, it’s not just you. It’s hilariously popular on this board to make fun of poor spelling and grammar.
You should have capitalized “accept”, by the way.
To the OP:
Your wife may be feeling insecure lately because of her own issues, not anything you’ve done. I have been through spells like this in my life. I feel fat and unattractive; Mig is late coming home and my thoughts turn to the negative. I have him cheating in my mind a hundred times and all he’s doing is working extra hard to pay the bills. But it’s hard to turn off the thoughts even though I know it pisses him off when the accusations somehow slip out of my mouth. It’s like I can’t control it and I feel like crap about it but that’s how it happens. Maybe that’s all that’s going on with your wife? Seems I have fewer of these thoughts when things are especially romantic with us. Not sexual; romantic.
If the OP travels for work and the wife doesn’t, maybe she’s jealous of what she sees as his freedom. Maybe she sees her children becoming teenagers and starting their own lives and feels old and unattractive. Maybe, as others have said, she’s cheated or just thought about cheating and is turning her guilt into paranoia.
I’d definitely offer to go to couples counseling and, even though I wouldn’t suggest it to her, she’d be smart to seek out individual therapy as well. It’s got to be frustrating as hell to have to deny this and assure her all the time… though that’s just what a cheater would say and do, isn’t it?