No kidding.
Some people around here can be really classy can’t they :rolleyes:
To the OP. You’ll get lots of good advice here (and some bad too probably). Take it all in and just ignore the jerky folks, because some people here really do wanna help you or know where your coming from.
How upset is your wife that you are nailing some of these other chicks? It doesn’t sound like that bad of a reaction from your OP. You could just do it to give each of you a reality based starting point to work from. It might be less frustrating than not getting any on the side and having to put up with the accusations.
Psychological projection.
Stranger
Yep, first thing that came to mind. Increased interest in sex and accusing you of cheating? She’s cheating. Or she’s suffering from mental illness.
I disagree. It’s spring break in a lot of places, and we’ve seen this before when there’s a lot of kids out of school. Really bad spelling/grammar does make it hard to take the OP seriously, regardless of how sincere he actually is.
I promise you, this is no joke or goofing around, I wish it was. We have discussed this further this morning and I am looking into a therapist.
Glad (sorry?) to hear that. I hope everything works out. I had a very good friend of mine in a very similar position several years ago, but they were newly married - so they didn’t have the history you guys have. Good luck.
Huh. My ex-wife was like this too - ALWAYS accusing me of cheating, always suspicious of my activities, even though the only time I was away from her was while I was at work or traveling to work (9-11 hrs a day). The accusations picked up dramatically the last few years of my marriage…and strangely, so did our previously wretched sex life.
Yeah, she was cheating on my that whole time. 
Your situation raises several red flags from one who’s been there. There are several possibilities.
A) She may honestly (if mistakenly) believe you are having an affair.
B) She may be psychologically projecting her own behavior onto you.
C) She may know the accusation is false, but is using it as a manipulative device.
If the problem is (A), if you are both honest and have a reasonable level of trust, it shouldn’t be too difficult to convince her that her fears are groundless. If it is (B) or (C) you have a problem. FWIW, I spent 21 years with an abusive controlling narcissistic b*tch and am even now in the final stages of breaking out. Counselling can sometimes help, but is by no means a sure thing. Counselling can only help if the person in question wants to be helped…and the very nature of their disorder makes them incapable of realising that they have a problem.
Does your spouse investigate you…trace your internet activities or demand an accounting of every dime you spend? Does she attempt to seperate you from your extended family and friends? Does she criticize and belittle you, especially in bed? Does she enlist the children against you…telling them “your father doesn’t care about “us”, he wishes he didn’t have a family” etc.? Does she gauge your moods and make accusations or demands when she senses you are least prepared to deal with it? Does she make baseless accusations and inconsistant demands? Take it from one who has been there…abuse is not always a physical assault, emotional and manipulative abuse ranks right up there on the damage scale.
If counselling does not help, you need to work at getting out. Do not fool yourself into the “I love her and want to help her” mode. You can’t help her, but you can save yourself from going down with her. An abusive relationship never gets better on its own, it only gets worse. Do the best you can for the kids and move on. The law and the courts are ridiculously biased toward the woman, but an abused husband can sometimes come out all right. Even if it costs you dearly, it is a worthy investment.
SS
I’m genuinely baffled that anyone thinks that they, who know the situation intimately and have known the other party for, in this case, upwards of a decade, are less able to handle a situation like this than are a random collection of anonymous strangers on the internet, who are working off of one small paragraph of sketchy (and yes, poorly communicated) one-sided information.
I’m slightly more baffled that so many of the anonymous strangers seem to agree with him.
I had no difficulty discerning the fact that he was serious.
Nothing about his topic or presentation indicates trolling.
Apparently, bad grammar/spelling is an automatic trolling flag.
I’ll keep that in mind.
:rolleyes:
You’ve been here less than a year. In my 11 years on this board, posters who join up for the express purpose of pouring their heart and souls out have a higher than average chance of just being here to pull our collective chains. This also seems to occur more often during spring/summer/Christmas breaks. Combined with grammar commensurate with a student-aged person with nothing better to do, and yeah - it’s a flag.
Another vote for her cheating on you, and accusing you is 1) a means of assuaging her own guilt, and 2) throwing the scent off of herself if you by chance are becoming suspicious.
Are you a doctor or a home builder? Patients and designers.
Give us a little more background on your situation. Work together but you’re on the road. What’s she doing while you’re out on the road? What does she say when she accuses you? That it’s a feeling or she thinks you’re bumping uglies with Miss Thing on Tuesdays?
Well, we could say “no really, you’re actually cheating, amirite?” and he’d say “LOL you got me.” Or… not.
So saying “get couples counseling” is the best solution regardless of who is or isn’t cheating.
Besides, a thread full of, “this is none of our business,” wouldn’t make for very compelling reading.
I’ve been where you are. In my case:
We started getting help seperately to deal with our seperate issues.
After that, I got greatly suspicious of any external men in her life. A statement by my therapist really resonated with me:
“If this guy makes you jealous, and there’s nothing going on, there will be 10 guys in line behind him to make you jealous.”
So what’s the take-away? Talk to her. Ask her if she’s being faithful. Attempt to get help together if that’s what the two of you determine.
I guess what I’m trying to say is: if she thinks you’re unfaithful, because she’s considering being unfaithful, WHY? That’s the core issue that needs to be dealt with.
In our case, we realized all the crap that was happening to us was external to our relationship together…which was just about the only good thing we had. We didn’t want to get rid of that and started working together.
I believe he meant “patience”.
Perhaps your wife has mental health issues. My husband’s mother accused his father of having affairs, and it wasn’t true, and she was a real bitch about it. She was an alcoholic and kind of unstable, although she hid it well.
+1.
+1.
+2.
Everything else is just speculative MM minutia.
Ask for the thread to be closed, you already got the best answer.
No way. dallascarr has an obligation to come back here and keep us up to date with what’s going on between he and his wife. And if he ever decides to come clean about who he’s banging, he’s got to come here and update us on that as well. 