Listen up, men. We know you love your penises. Despite the fact that we may find them pleasurable from time to time, our adoration rarely extends beyond the bedroom. So unless explicitly requested, resist the temptation to photograph your penis and send it to us, no matter how awesome you think it, or he, is. Trust me, its awesomeness just doesn’t translate. To be brutally honest, even the most impressive penis, which I’m sure yours is, is rather ridiculous looking out of context.
At the very* best*, it’ll be met with a giggle.
Now, this is especially true if we haven’t seen you socially prior to receiving such a memento. I know this is a new digital age, but we haven’t yet reached the point where courtship begins with an unsolicited photograph of your genitalia. Even if you’re rich and famous! In fact, I’m pretty sure that that’ll still score you a restraining order more times than it’ll score you a date.
So, take my advice, fellas. Disable that phone on your camera. If you’re drunk on love and/or copious amounts of alcohol, stick to old-fashioned releases, such as masturbating like a mother fuck or getting into fights with strangers in a bar. In other words…
Pull up your pants and put down the phone!
Words to live by.
You’d think that after the Brett Favre incident, this PSA wouldn’t be necessary. And, yet, sadly, it is.
I constantly say this and follow it with: “And because dick pictures are so funny, don’t expect me not to share this completely unsolicited gift with everyone I know.”
Even with that warning, guys regularly send me pictures of their dongs. Even the nice ones are still hysterically funny. In fact, the only funnier thing than an upclose picture of a wang is a guy attempting to take a sexy picture (usually some over the shoulder, ass out pose).
But really: none of us want a glamour shot of your dick. Although, I guess the one positive thing is that with today’s high res cameras, it gives me a leg up on checking for open sores (assuming this is someone I do plan on sleeping with).
I love dick pics. I love them because I have a folder on my phone that I can whip out at a moment’s notice (ha!) and laugh my ass off with my friends. (SERIOUSLY: If your stuff takes a sharp right turn two inches down, you probably shouldn’t photograph that and send it to women who didn’t ask. S’all I’m sayin’.)
That’s nice. What’s your evidence? On many dating sites it can get you banned. You think that would happen if there were a large number of women who want it?
It doesn’t even make sense. There’s a reason why, in society, flashing your dick at someone will get you arrested, but flashing your breasts will get you beads.
Women in general are not interested in seeing what your penis looks like. If they are visually stimulated at all, it’s going to be by your body or face. If the best looking part of you is your penis, you must be one ugly mofo.
Bear in mind that this is one issue, along with “I love to swallow!” that women will lie about if they really like the guy. I’m not saying every woman who says that is lying, but I’d offer great odds that the majority are.
My evidence is the hordes of men who do it and continue to do it. It must work for some of them, eh? And I think many of these photos are sent during phone sex “encounters” where the women are more receptive at that moment. Sure a cock shot out of the blue isn’t going to be well received.
I’d be shocked to meet a woman who found it sexy. If I did meet her, I’d bet you twenty bucks that if you opened up her brain you’d find it had all those weird guy brain things and none of the women brain ones.
Seriously, a guy I knew quite well with whom I was sending some fairly naughty texts sent me one once and, I mean, gales of laughter. And believe you me, I was on good terms with his penis personally.
Doctors used the theory of humors for century even though we know now that it was both scientifically wrong and utterly ineffective. “A lot of people believe in it” is not evidence.
I’d go so far to say that the vast majority don’t. But if you don’t believe me, maybe you should do some anecdotal reporting of your own. In the name of science, of course. After all, what’s one or two restraining orders among friends?
Look, I am a big ol hornball who loves sex more than the average girl (based on discussions with friends and such). Even in the heat of the moment of a dirty convo, a dick picture is just funny. Sorry, thems the facts.
Let me walk you through my normal reaction when I receive a dick picture:
picks up phone sees picture :eek: EEK! :eek: :p:p:p:p hysterical laughter
Now, at this point, I could text the guy back and be a total asshole, saying something like, “HAHAHA JESUS TITTY FUCKING CHRIST, WHY WOULD YOU EVER SEND A PICTURE OF YOUR JUNK TO SOMEONE WHO DIDN’T ASK??? GOD, YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE SOMETHING WORTH PHOTOGRPAHING, TBH!”
But I don’t, because even if Mr. Unsolicited Photo Sender did show some poor judgment in sending that, I wouldn’t be talking to him if he was some horrible monster I hate. So, instead, I say something nice like, “Wow. Nice.” And change the subject immediately.
Does seeing a dick picture make me want to have sex with a guy? Never. Does seeing a dick picture make me NOT want to have sex with a guy? If it’s weird and semi deformed. But that said: most times, it’s neutral. I laugh my ass off (which is certainly not what he was intending), then our relationship goes on like normal.
