Business partner falling apart...

In My Humble Opinion
1

The sad thing is, its for legit reasons, but its still killing us.

He has chronic medical issues that have become worse over the last few years.

This year so far has been particularly bad… All told he has missed about 3.5-4 months of work. One 6 week block he had to have surgery, then about 2 months later his wife died, that was another 3 weeks, various day or two here and there, then 4 days this week. Its pretty rare he puts in a 5 day week anymore.

When I tried to talk to him about any thoughts on how to mitigate some of the damage this is causing, I was met with silence and the occasional “whatever”.

Hes probably in pain due to medical issues, and some legal complications of his wifes passing are forcing him to move out of the house they shared, while still leaving him with a child he has to care for (granted teenager so not totally helpless).

I get he is overwhelmed, I get that his life is one giant mountain of suck right now. I just don’t know how much longer I can keep this train moving before I break, or something else breaks…

If I take on another helper, I cannot pay partner, problem is I never know when he will or will not work. Several of my computer savvy friends have helped out with the shop at various times, but I am running out of favors and he has been at best snippy if not openly hostile to those who have helped me despite the fact they are pretty much the whole reason there is still a business to come back to after his extensive absences. I find myself apologizing to customers for his poor attitude and or general grumpiness about twice a month…He acts like and on a couple occasions insinuated like I am dragging him down… and that he is somehow the one doing all the work…even though that is pretty much a mathematical impossibility.

This whole situation has me so stressed out I actually picked up the phone and called a business attorney I know… His advice, based on the situations and attitudes involved…walk away, offer to give him the biz and go start another one. I told him that if I left the shop would crash and burn in a couple months…his next bit of advice… save a customer contact list…let him crash and burn, then market to those customers.

Still sucks that after 8 years of work, the best answer is to bail from the sinking ship because one of the officers can’t do his part but refuses to acknowledge his failings.

The only reason I was not a hopeless wreck was my girlfriend stopped by and managed to cheer me up a little. Of course she is one of the people who have helped in the shop that he does not approve of despite the fact that she is weapons grade awesome. I think he resents that I have her in my life too.

I feel like I am kicking the guy when he is down…but right now…I feel like is is trying to drag me into whatever pit of despair he has fallen into and cannot see out of.

2

Sorry to hear that. How old is the child? If semi-independent, perhaps a good discussion with them would help.

3

Your partner has been shat on by life. Sounds like he’s depressed, with very good reason. Having a spouse die is at the top of the “Stressful Life Events” is sufficient cause to put most people out of commission, emotionally speaking, for 6 months to a year.

I think your best option is to have a business meeting where you formally communicate your unhappiness, and go over possible options. Maybe hearing you say that you are considering leaving the partnership will be enough to jar him into action. I don’t know. But you’ve both put 8 years of your life into the business and it would be a shame for it to fold without a fight.

FYI, my husband is a minority partner in an investment firm. As part of their business plan, the business picks up the cost for disability & life insurance policies for each of them. It’s quite expensive because the majority partner is obese, pre-diabetic, and has already had one heart attack. But it’s an essential expense because if either partner were to die or become disabled, there is no way that the other could survive without hiring help.

Something to keep in mind no matter what path you follow. You cannot predict disease or death. If one person is essential to the business, then your business plan should include some sort of protection should that person become unable to do his job.

4

If you don’t have wording in your business agreement that addresses situations like one partner buying the other out, don’t repeat that mistake.

5

My bit of advice is to stop resenting him and get the fact he probably doing the best he can, which just isn’t very much right now. If he’s resentful himself, when you advertently or inadvertently point out his shortcomings, it’s probably because he knows he’s failing, and having you point that out to him is painful. It is, in other words, an emotional defense mechanism that’s, unfortunately counter-productive. I’d think of him more as a fallen comrade, in other words, rather than as a lazy bum. The question for you is, can you carry him to safety without becoming a casualty yourself. If not, you’ll have to leave him behind.

The suggestion to “buy him out” sounds like a good one - if it’s possible. In many small businesses there’s really nothing to “buy out”. It’s really just you and your employees and the work that you do. Otherwise, you’ll just have to take your attorney’s advice, and give your partner as much head’s up as possible. The main thing though is to not blame him for what’s happened to him, or to blame yourself when or if you get to the point where you can’t carry him any longer. Sometimes life just sucks, and it’s nobody’s fault.

6

Sounds like a mess, drachillix – hope you can work something out.

That said, I’m going to move this from MPSIMS to IMHO, where hopefully people will be able to provide some good advice on the various financial and legal ramifications of your situation.

7

So sad. I agree with LinusK about treating him like a fallen comrade. Which he is.

This wont help your business any but is there anyone in the group to pitch in and maybe bring him some covered dishes, help him with housework, just take him out for a beer …? To let him know he’s cared for? Its crushing him now.

8

Can you afford to buy him out? Not just afford it but would it be worth it?

Just to make up numbers, maybe you give him, say, $30,000 to buy him out today and the place is totally yours. If you do like him and you want him back some day maybe tell him that you’ll let him buy his way back in someday in the future when he’s back on his feet and ready to work again. The money might help him dig out of some debt and depression and you won’t have to worry about him anymore.
If you went that route, I’d make sure make sure he buys back in for more. If you took out a loan to give him the money, be sure whatever he buys back in for, at the very least, pays off the loan (since the loan will have accrued interest).

Whether you want to have the business appraised or talk to a lawyer/accountant first about trying to figure out what it’s really worth is up to you. On the one hand it might be nice to just give him a lowball number that you think he’ll take to be done with him. OTOH, you don’t want to have him take $30,000 and then two years later have him realize it was actually worth $300,000 and you should have given him at least $100,000 or $150,000 and he tries to sue you or you end up losing a friend/consultant over it.

9

He sounds depressed to me. Spouse passing away and a failing business!

He needs help. You need help. Have your GF there all you want. If he doesn’t like that, he can show up and work. Otherwise, he needs a doctor’s care.

10

I’m wondering if you’ve discussed this as another medical issue? I know that probably the last thing he wants to see is another doctor, but there’s the chance that he might respond better to it being addressed as something not under his direct control and which may respond to some kind of medical treatment, rather than what may feel like a personal failing.

11

The business would be fine if I could count on him to be there…much of my work is onsite business stuff (which he refuses to do, he just wants to be in the shop) Then I am out onsite with a customers and I get 2-3 calls a day from folks saying “is your shop going to be open?” and I have to assume plenty more dont bother calling

We are burning customer goodwill like crazy.

I know he needs help…I would love to help him…but that would mean taking time out from the business that is suffering due to being short staffed.

Unfortunately for me, I am doing 2 peoples job just trying to keep up and am neglecting other important bookkeeping, vehicle maintenance, etc. I long ago got to the point where I do not give a damn if he does not like who I pick to help cover He also of course resents that I pay them too. The challenge is, people are only so willing to drop everything and come help at the shop if partner cannot come in.

Then to add insult to injury…he is having a big FB pity party and complaining to his FB friends (yeah, pot, kettle, I know, difference being, many of those are mutual friends IRL) that I am having an unjustified bitch fit about his absences. I am tempted to just post in the FB thread…“Take all the time you need, whats another couple weeks when you have already missed 3.5 months”

12

As much as he needs help with his emotional healing you are not the person who is going to be able to give it to him. He needs time and quite possibly professional psychological help which are both things you cannot give him. His attitude and absences are burning the business you have built to the ground, further delays will kill it completely. A good reputation is gold, indifferent or hostile customer service will destroy it 10 times faster than it took to build it.

Any more dithering is not doing him or you any good. Get a buy or leave plan together for yourself and implement it. One of you has to be taken out and if you will not engage this reality you are both going down. You have people who count on you, your responsibility is to them is first and foremost.

Given the current context and the nature of your business I think it would make more sense to leave and start over yourself vs buying him out (unless it’s for a nominal amount) in terms of a clean transition. No one owns customers and if he is being as irascible and absent as you indicate his scenario is going to collapse shortly and the customers will be yours.

13

Here’s what I’d do. I’d hire a part-time worker for the shop. Let’s say, 3 days a week. Tell Partner you will not pay him if he comes to work on those days, tell him you know it’s been stressful running the shop and you hope he will take that time to take care of himself. You’ll pay him for the remaining two days whether he shows up or not. This way you can assure customers of the business being open on a regular (3-day-a-week) schedule, which is more useful to customers than it being open 5 days a week, sometimes. You wont pay more than you currently need to, Partner maintains some income.

If you think there’s any chance of sitting down productively, this is what I would put on the table. On the other hand, you may need to walk away if [either of] you are past the point of discussing the situation unemotionally.

14

Can he take a leave without pay, or greatly reduced pay, so you can hire someone to replace him for the next year.

As a widow I can tell you that he is in a place where he can’t think of or focus on anything. The only thing that will help him is time. There is no fast way through it.

Since you cannot count on him to be there and Be There, he has to go. Period. Temporarily, or for short hours, but you cannot depend on him. When my husband died, I described it as being set on fire and shot into outer space. You’re just falling and burning. All day. Every day. Except when you’re asleep. And then unfortunately you wake up. There is nothing like it. And to have your own health issues on top of it?

You have to replace him for at least a year. And find some way to make that work. This is an emergency and a tragedy, like a hurricane or earthquake. Emergency measures are called for.

15

I’m in a sort of similar place with my business and it’s awful. It’s like being in a marriage you can’t get out of. For us mainly it’s because we have all this debt together, and also I can’t go out on my own without him so I’d have to get a 9-5 then pay all this debt down.

But my partner isn’t as bad off as your guy. He’s more spotty than completely not present.

If you can buy him out that’s the best thing to do. I hate and resent so much that I have to work so hard to keep both of us afloat. I don’t see it getting better for you man…start the plan of how to take care of yourself, not how to take care of the two of you.

I feel for you…it sucks so so so bad to be in this position.

16

My ex partner and I hired a business advisor/attorney to help us write up our agreement. When he split two months later (family crisis) we just followed the agreement; I got money from the bank to buy him out and I reorganized as a sole proprietorship. Gotta have everything in writing.

17

You need to tell him the truth about how you are feeling and especially about how his behavior is affecting others. (i.e. the rudeness to helpers and customers.) He is in a place where he can’t see himself or the results of his actions clearly. It’s not that he refuses to see it, or wants to ignore it, he literally can not see beyond his fear and pain.

For your own sanity, work on excising the resentment from your thinking on this topic. You can’t blame him for the horror he’s experiencing or it’s affect on his mind. You also can’t fix anything with the energy you are spending on resentment. In order to save your business you will have to apply cold logic, and acceptance of the fact that life isn’t fair.

Sit him down and tell him very calmly and factually how the business is suffering and what changes you need from him in order to save it. Coldly assess together whether he is capable of doing those things, and if not, what should be done about it.

And hang in there, this sucks even more than you are realizing at the moment. Some day you’ll look back on this as proof that you can get through ANYthing.

18

Others have mentioned you buying him out and that is probably the best idea out there. Maybe with the option to buy back in once his world is back under his control. Another option would be finding another reliable person to buy him out instead and step into his role.

Sorry to hear you going through this. And for him going through his problems.

19

Update: He will not be back for at least 2 months…has to have surgery again. His doctor has also apparently agreed to sign off on applying for him to be on permanent SSI disability due to his condition.

:frowning:

Hiring time

20

Missed this earlier…no alcohol because of his condition…and he is allergic to hops. So he can’t even temporarily drown his sorrows in liquor.