My business partner has bouts of depression–it’s an illness, and I understand that it’s going to happen. I’ve learned to pick up on the signs that he’s headed into one and get ready to pick up some slack for a while.
The problem is that our business is struggling right now. We both really need to be on our game. The last time he had a bad spell, he was more or less useless for about three weeks. We can’t afford to have that happen again. But I see all the signs that he’s starting to slip into it. And there’s nothing I can do to help.
It’s just so frustrating. It makes me angry, knowing that I’m going to be trying to keep our heads above water for who knows how long, and then I feel bad about getting angry. It’s not his fault.
Sigh. I just don’t want to have to do this again so soon.
Is he doing anything about the recurring depression? Seeing a shrink? Meds? Listening to Bill Cosby records? Anything at all?
If not then he’s ignoring a known disease–just like an alcoholic who drinks, a diabetic who doesn’t watch his blood sugar, an epileptic who doesn’t take his anti-seizure drugs–and you have every right to be frustrated with him. It’s a bitch to confront your own depression. He’ll put it off for as long as you let him.
Not that it falls to YOU to do anything about it, ultimately he’s the one who’s got to decide he’s tired of letting his misery be a burden to everyone else.
Oh and uh, that sucks. I’ve been on both sides of that fence and it’s hard to say which is worse: going down the drain or watching someone you care about go down the drain (while you pick up the pieces).
Is your business partner being treated for depression? Because if he is, it sounds like he needs to have his medications adjusted, perhaps. And if he’s not, it sounds like he should be evaluated. IANAD, YMMV, etc.
If he’s starting to slip into it, you may or may not be successful in suggesting he either seek treatment or see his doctor about adjusting what he’s currently doing.
I know it’s a tough situation for you, moonstarssun. A person suffering from depression is looking at the world through shit-colored glasses. (Been there.) It’s hard for him/her to find a way out. Your partner is fortunate that you understand what’s happening, both with his depression and your anger about it.
Good luck to you, moonstarssun. I hope he finds the help he needs, and I hope you either survive the ordeal with a minimum of bitterness or that you find a more emotionally stable business partner.
He’s on meds and sees a shrink, but I think they’re having trouble finding the right combination of treatment for him. He’s also diabetic (not always well controlled–takes his insulin, but doesn’t test his blood), so that makes it more complicated.
There are things he could do to make things easier on himself–eat better, get some exercise, do stuff to reduce stress. But he knows all that, and I’m not his wife. It’s not my place to nag him about his personal habits.
He’s a great guy, and I feel terrible for him when he’s going through this. And I feel selfish for my first thought being “oh no not again.”
Luckily we’re talking with some other business owners about forming a loose alliance, and I think that’ll help. At least I’ll have other people I can get help from when he’s on the fritz.
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[li]You know his wife, call her up and tell her your concerns, and encourage her to take action.[/li][li]You know he’s seeing a doctor & on meds, call up that doctor and report the situation to him, so that he can take action to help his patient. Don’t ask any questions, the doctor can’t give you any info about his patient. But he may be glad to hear an outside report on this; normally, he only hears the patients view of the situation, which may not be realistic.[/li][li]You know him, sit him down and tell him what you said here: that you see signs of this problem reoccurring, you are concerned, for both him & for the business, and ask what you can do to help him. No, it won’t be a fun conversation, but it won’t be fun watching your business & your partner going down the tubes, either.[/li] Is depression catching?
Because your statement “there’s nothing I can do” sounds like the fatalistic, passivity of someone suffering from depression. Now is the time when you will have to do something, uncomfortable as it will be at first.
You aren’t. That used to be my first thought whenever my mother started another descent. She was very up and down like your partner. Anyway, it doesn’t mean that I loved her any less or was any less concerned about her.
It’s hard for us on the outside, too. It’s ok to acknowledge that.
It’s very likely that your partner can tell that he’s slipping and knows that means extra work for you. I’m sure that this feeds into his depression.
If you can identify some tasks that he can do that are relatively simple that he can be successful with , yet not cause terrible problems if not done perfectly during his “down” time - that might help to shorten this episode. I know I always feel, much much worse when I feel useless and like I’m letting everyone down.
Thanks for the helpful words everyone. He’s doing a bit better. We had a client in yesterday and he was excited about the work, talking and laughing with everyone, so that’s a good sign.
All of this is good advice too. I know he feels like a terrible burden when he’s down,so I always feel I need to tread lightly to keep from making him feel worse. I think he sees his depression as a shameful secret.
