Sorry. Her friends.
Wow! Ok… first off let me thank everyone for their objective views on this. I’m amazed by how much some people “know” about us by reading a few paragraphs. Let me fill in the details.
My kids ALWAYS had rules and I was called out by many friends as being “Too strict”. These rules involved homework, grades, curfews, tell me where you’re going type of stuff. You know… the type of things that make kids scream " I hate you, you’re ruining my life". I just replied “Good, I know I’m doing my job”. She worked HARD for a year to save for her car and I agreed to pay her car insurance as long as she went to college.
Flash foward to late in her Senior Year (last year).
She stopped playing sports when she met and started to “hang” with an undesireable group of friends. Her grades fell, she started ditching work and we suspected drugs. We tested her (several times) and she came up clean every time. Over the summer her desire to go to college evaporated as she spent more and more time with these friends that ARE 2 years younger than her and still in high school. (Her maturity seems to be at this 16 year old level, BTW). She turned 18 in May of last year and at that point I started charging her 60$ a month for insurance and 30$ for her cell phone, which she paid, albeit grudgingly. We were paying for NOTHING for her except FOOD. This slowly deteriorated into chasing her for money over the period of 4 months. She was fired from her job and we kicked her out right after Christmas last year after giving her an ultimatum that was already mentioned here. Work OR school or out the door! The car, that was titled to me stayed in my driveway!
She bounced from friend to friend finally settling in with a friend of a friend that is an addict. After 2 months of being on her own she had found a job and was working quite a bit, apparently heading in the right direction. We let her back into the house after the addict she was living with was arrested. She had saved up enough money to title, register and insure the car IN HER NAME and had signed up for courses at a community college. As soon as she got her car back was when she started the backslide.
So please, don’t make judgements without knowing the facts. (Elbow, do you even have kids?) Just answer the OP…
BTW, I talked to an EAP counselor at my job and was told I was being “Too strict” in the past AND now!
I renewed the license plates on one of my vehicles earlier this year and the clerk wanted to see the vehicle’s insurance card before she processed the renewal. The WA law may be vague on this but I can see where the clerk was doing their due diligence.
Sorry to have hit a nerve, I was speaking in generalities and did not mean your situation specifically. I was simply using it as the example to express my opinion. I should have been clearer about that and I am sorry if I hurt you.
But I am curious how any of the facts, as you’ve presented them, which I have no reason to doubt in any way, change that she is currently living and eating, in your house, rent free, owes you money she’s not repaying, and driving around ignoring her responsibility to pay her car insurance?
And I’m confused that you’ve been told you were, and are, being too strict. Do you think you’ve been too strict, in the past? Do you think you’re being too strict now?
Have you decided to do anything at all about her driving her car without insurance, or to do nothing?
I got new license plates two years ago but I did it online and they mailed them to me. There was nothing about insurance. Probably if you’d said you didn’t have the insurance card with you, she would have just said fine. I don’t think the WA law is vague on it, I think there’s no requirement for it at all (but I could be wrong).
No, I don’t think I’m being to strict. But my wife and I agree to disagree. She’s good cop, I’m bad cop. It’s always been that way and , I agree… we need to fix that as well.
So, she won’t work more than 12 hours per week because that would interfere with the time she has to socialize with her friends?
Have you considered having her friends killed? Nah, that sounds like it could get kinda messy.
But her friends are still in high school, you say? How 'bout making her get a job that has her at work during the school hours? Or talking to her manager about scheduling her hours that way?
I’m also guessing that you’ve never been a parent. Both our kids turned out great, and I’d love to say it is because our parenting skills are top notch, but it is mostly because they got made that way.
In NJ we knew lots of kids who got adopted. The first generation were from Korea, they turned out fine. The other generations were from Columbia and some Indian reservations. One of these kids was my daughter’s best friend, and we knew his parents, who were wonderful in every respect, very well also. He was fine until the teenage years, when he became troubled. The backgrounds of these kids caught up with them, and the best parenting in the world didn’t help much.
There also have been many twin studies where twins brought up in very different households turned out very similarly. Look them up.
Kids are not Pavolv’s dogs who can be conditioned to behave the way you want them to behave.
The opinions expressed were based on the limited information you gave.
With the additional information, it sounds like something is going on with her that is beyond the insurance/work problem. The sudden change into something of a slacker may be a cry for help. suggest you pursue this line of inquiry. No one changes that much for no reason.
I’m going to cut the parents some slack. The kid is 19. 19! 19 year olds are idiots. Some are idiots about different stuff and in different ways. This 19 year old is an idiot about this and is acting like an asshole.
But that’s on her.
My parents paid my car insurance until I was 25…but that was more of them making good on a promise they made me when I was 16. “We’ll pay your car insurance as long as they let us keep you on our policy.” They thought it would be until I was 18. Hah, suckers!
You say that your daughter works 12 hours/weelk, but you don’t say (a) what she does, (b) what hours she works, or © a general idea of how much she makes.
Actually, my first response to the original question was, “None of the above - you call the appropriate authorities and tell them she doesn’t have insurance.” Then I realized that if an insurance requirement isn’t going to stop her from driving, a driver’s license requirement probably wouldn’t either (and don’t make the assumption that it would be with her car).
Yes, this is true. Just as true as the real world will treat her as an adult when she gets nailed for not having insurance. There will be no idiot disclaimer.
A)She pumps gas B) she works usually Friday and Saturday 1PM to 7PM C)she makes 8$/hr (Her last check was 29$ for the week)
:rolleyes: you could have posted that before letting this go for 80 posts.
So what am I missing here? You kicked her out once. Why not kick her out again?
I’ve got to agree with everything that you say.
The op and his wife are clueless on parenting, have let the whole situation get out of control, not just with the insurance thing.
Living at home and refusing to work more then twelve hours a week because it would cut into her socialising !
And does this unpleasant little brat actually contribute anything to the cost of her keep ?
Some people should never, ever become parents.
Unfortunately other people have to put up with their offspring while trying to get on with their own lives.
I’ll guarantee that the o.p. will cave in now, and will always cave in because they haven’t got the courage to fulfill their responsibilities as parents.
Jesus Christ. It’s that serious, huh?
Sometimes 19-year-olds are a bit irresponsible and then they grow out of it. Sometimes parents are a bit permissive and then the world keeps turning.
Did you read the Original question? :rolleyes: I asked about CAR INSURANCE!
As a parent with a son who struggled after high school I suggest someone talks to her about depression or some other psychological illness. I say this because of her sudden change in high school. My son in middle school had a sudden change in his behavior and we just brushed it off as teen stuff. We found out later that he has a depression problem. It’s been a long road with improvement and backsliding if he didn’t keep up withhis medication. Finally he’s decided it’s important enough to keep taking even when he feels better. The whole time he had a job and attended school but he failed at school many times.
Maybe she is just lazy and taking advantage but you might as well find out for sure before you kick her out.
Damn! You can judge our parenting ability after a few posts on an internet forum?!
YOU , my friend, are either a genius or a complete fucking asshole.
Mods, please close this thread. I’ve allowed it to drift WAY to far off the OP.
P.S. My son being depressed didn’t allow him to get away with anything. Our job as parents is to help him be an adult. Now we have the added job of helping him be an adult who has a depression problem and there’s more to it than just taking medication.