Guys,
My 19 year old Daughter, who lives (well, eats and sleeps :rolleyes: ) at home and works 6-12 hrs per week has let her car insurance lapse. :mad:
We’ve paid her insurance before and she always promised to pay it back and never did. She owes us over 800$. She doesn’t attend college/tech school although we’ve offered to pay. The car is titled and registered in her name. She refuses to work more than 12 hrs a week because it cuts into her time with friends although her boss has called, begging her to work more hours. We are at our wits end with her.
What do you think of my options in dealing with this?
Option 1: Do nothing and let her get caught? (Penalties in NJ are 6 month loss of license)
**Option 2: ** Put a club on her steering wheel until she gets insurance.
Option 3: Bite the bullet and pay it before she ruins her life.
I say Option 1. And also give her an ultimatum to repay what she owes you, that forces her to take more hours at work. If she refuses then kick her out.
If she is 19, she is an adult so just let her take her own risks and suffer the consequences if she gets caught. The other two options are too paternalistic for a 19 year old IMHO.
She is 19. I may be wrong but I don’t think the parents are responsible if that happens. She won’t have much to take either. It sucks if she really hurts someone though.
I also vote for option 4. Melon needs a good home.
I’m guessing the car was a gift (as 6-12 hours per week probably isn’t used for car payments). Time for the gifts to stop.
When I let insurance lapse on one of my cars (it wasn’t running and turned into a project car), the motor vehicle division sent a warning, and then revoked the registration. Depending on where you live, this might happen to her.
I vote for explaining that her insurance policy is there so that if she gets in a serious accident, she is not on the hook for up to several hundred thousand dollars in compensation. Those coverage limits should be on her (expired) insurance card or the renewal notice.
Also point out that if some uninsured maniac crashes into her, nobody but her is going to pay for replacing her car. This is even if the accident is not her fault.
Finally point out that if she gets stopped for any reason at all, she will most likely lose her license and may be on the hook for hundreds of dollars to get her car out of the impound lot.
Then if she still doesn’t want insurance, she has made and adult decision to do something stupid, which her parents are under no obligation to make right.
Yeah, I’d give her a 90 day eviction notice and tell her that no matter how many hours she is working or how many classes she is taking she is no longer welcome to live in my house in 3 months time. At 60 days bring in moving boxes and help her start packing up and at 90 days haul her stuff outside and call a locksmith.
I know it sounds horrifying but unless she has a mental disorder of some kind you are actively harming her, not helping her, by letting her stay at home where she has no consequences for her inactions. As a parent you aren’t raising a child, you are raising a pre-adult. Yours sounds like she has passed the “pre” mark and now needs to spread her wings and fly on her own.
You cannot let her drive around without insurance. If she gets into an accident (as 19-year-olds are wont to do), it could easily end up costing her (and given your circumstances, no doubt it would be costing YOU) a hell of a lot more than $800, or whatever her premium is.
Is the car paid for? If not, who is making the payments? If it’s you, just stop. Car goes, problem solved (well, the car problem at least).
As long as you continue to treat her as a child, she has no reason to grow up. When I was that age, the explicit understanding was “you go to school or you’re on your own.” I’m sure she’s your little angel, but at some point you’ve gotta kick 'em out of the nest and see if they can fly.
And then tell her she has the following options, if she wants to keep living in your house:
Go to school full time
Work full time (and pay you rent)
19 is legally an adult, yes, but in a lot of ways she’s still just a baby. THAT SAID - you’re courting disaster here. If you don’t force her to become independent now she may be living with you forever.
Trash the car in a clever way so as not to bring suspicion on yourself. When she sees dents and broken glass, say ‘Well, file a claim with your insurance company.’
If she lives at home, I’d just take her keys until she showed up with proof of insurance. If she raises a fit about it being her own car, tell her she can 1) move out and take her car with her or 2) go buy insurance and continue living rent-free at your house.
Pardon me for getting all judgemental but it sounds like she is not mature enough to be driving. However since the car is titled in her name I doubt you can legally take it away or disable it. You can report her to the cops/DMV, though. Sucky thing to do to your own kid but if it saves several people (which may include her, you, and some injured parties) a ton of money and grief then it’s well worth it.
From my armchair that’s the action I’d take - tell her “You have a week to get insurance, otherwise I notify the authorities and here’s what that will mean to you. As your parent I am not going to stand by and let you break the law and risk other peoples’ financial well-being”.
