This used car ad on the Austin, TX Craigslist site was so brilliant I had to share it.
That is some marvelous writing, but wasted on Craigslist. 
Thanx for posting it.
Get that person on The Dope, pronto!
ETA: The ad continues on for 5 more glorious paragraphs! 
Marge Simpson: That house seems awfully small…
Lionel Hutz: I’d say it’s awfully… “cozy!”
Marge Simpson: That one’s dilapidated.
Lionel Hutz: “Rustic!”
Marge Simpson: That house is on fire!
Lionel Hutz: “Motivated seller!”
You can go on the road with it!
Seriously, that is my dream car. I’ve always wanted a 1993 Geo Metro.
My wife and I bought our first car together in 1993 and we tested the Geo Metro. The dealership exited onto a street with a pretty steep incline, going down from left to right.
When we took the car out for a test spin, the salesperson said “OK, turn right here.”, pointing downhill. I, of course, turned left… and immediately found out why the salesperson wanted me to turn right. I’ve never seen a new car struggle so much to go up a hill as that poor Geo Metro.
I rented one years ago when my car was being repaired, at the time my work commute included interstate 95, so I decided to find out the car’s top speed on flat roads…
83 MPH…
…and it felt like that asthmatic 3 cyl. engine was going to burst out of the hood like an Alien Xenomorph chestburster
As I approached the tollbooths, I rolled down the window, and the car was pulled slightly left due to the change in aerodynamics and air resistance.
I still occasionally see a Chevy Metro buzzing around like an overgrown fly. (After General Motors killed off the Geo brand, the Metro was rebranded as a Chevy for another couple of years.) Somebody around here is keeping one running, which at 20 years old is probably no small accomplishment.
I had a Geo Metro, I don’t remember what year. It was actually a great little car. It would go from 0 - the speed limit in a reasonable amount of time. The hatchback was convenient - I could haul horse feed (not a lot) in it. Great gas mileage. I drove it for about 125K miles, then sold it to my nephew’s stoner friend. He drove it several more years then sold it on.
I drive 70 miles round trip to the office. I wouldn’t mind something like a Metro as a commuter car. I have no ego invested in my cars. As long as they do what they’re supposed to, like go and stop, it’s fine by me.
StG
My boss has one of those. It’s his pride and joy as he’s single handedly kept it running for all of these years. He has something like 400k miles on it. According to the Geo Metro fan boards, his is the Metro with the second highest mileage in history. He will keep it until he gets to number one. The current number one died a couple years back.