My FIL will be 91 next month. My MIL is 89. They live 800 miles from us. He has all sorts of cardiac issues, leading to him falling or passing out. But he continues to drive, because MIL has macular degeneration to the point that she’s legally blind. We also think FIL has early stages of dementia.
They’re old - these things happen. It’s not their fault. BUT they absolutely refuse to consider moving from Florida (The COVID state) to Maryland so that we can help them out. They claim it’s because all their doctors are there… except, um, we do have doctors in Maryland, and for the most part, we don’t have to wait weeks to get appointments like they do in Ocala.
We’re not asking them to move into our house (No, please no…) but there are several senior-oriented communities within 30 minutes of us. Since we’re retired, it would be no burden to drive them shopping or to Dr appointments or anything else. We could help them clean, we could take them to events once life gets back to normal, we could have them over to dinner, they could spend time with their great-granddaughter.
But they refuse to consider it. FIL fell the other day while carrying in groceries. Fortunately, there was no bloodshed or broken bones, this time. But MIL isn’t strong enough to get him up from the ground and she can’t drive, so if it was a bad fall, they’d need a neighbor or an ambulance to help, which they’d refuse to call. Nor will they consider any sort of outside help for anything, even if it didn’t cost them anything.
I understand why they hate to lose their independence. I expect I may be the same way in 30 years. But OMG, why are they so damned pigheaded? The only one of their sons who is capable of helping frets constantly and has been making the gawd-awful drive down I-95 far too often. (Middle son lives in Texas and has thrice weekly dialysis, so he’s no help, youngest son has assorted mental and emotional issues, so he’s minimally helpful on occasion.)
Our biggest fear is that they cause a fatal accident while driving, killing themselves and others because of their stubbornness. Soooo frustrating!!