To the tune of “Suddenly Seymor” from little shop of horrors.
A bunch of terrorists are plotting in a warehouse. Jack is watching from the shadows.
Terrorist Leader:
The time has come.
The bomb is really.
Allah Akhbar!
We can’t be stopped now
Jack(quietly):
The bastards are gonna
get some of my justice.
I’ll make them squeal
like the pigges they are.
Suddenly the lights go off and then comes back on, with Jack in the room holding a gun at the terrorist leaders head.
Jack:
Suddenly Bauer is standing behind you.
He don’t need a reason,
to blow you away (kills random terrorist, returns gun to head terrorists head)
Suddenly Bauer is where you’re hiding
Now he’s gonna interrogate you.
Terrorist Leader:
I never imagined
that he was this close
it’s only 8:30
there’s 12 hours left
Maybe there’s some way
that I can stall him
What would he do
when I am dead?
Jack:
Suddenly Bauer is standing behind you!
Tell me your secrets
OR MILLIONS WILL DIE!
I’m in a hurry
and no law can touch me!
I won’t let anything stop me today
on the longest day of my life.
Terrorist:
Your godless country
has taken my oil
Murdered my family
and I want revenge
I will die if it changes something
I guess I was wrong
New York sounds attractive
There is no Bauer
on the east coast!
Suddenly Bauer is standing behind me!
My pants are now soiled
I’ve heard about him
Suddenly Bauer has made things much harder
I’ll try to hold out for 5 minutes
NO, don’t touch that!
(Jack grabs Terrorist leaders balls.)
This is your last warning
Johnson can’t make it
I’ve got authority
to do what I want.
I’ll kill your family
or let chole sing next.
Give me a reason
not to go on!
Terorrist:
Suddenly Bauer…has hold of my testes
He don’t need no reason
to give them a squeeze.
Jack:
Suddenly Bauer has little time left
Suddenly Bauer is getting impatent
SO TELL ME WHERE THE BOMB IS!
OR MILLIONS WILL DIE!
Terrorist:
YEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOWW!