Damn fine cup of coffee.
And a slice of apple pie.
[channelling Marion Bell]I’m looking for my sister.[/cMB]
You, my dear OP, are requesting something that has to be cooked to order. I believe I have a topper.
I went to an A&W franchise today. For those not familiar, think of your generic fast food place but with pretty good root beer. They had a special, two Teen Burgers (not made with actual teen, as far as I know) for $5.00. In Canadian, that’s not a bad deal, and I was in a hurry so I ordered that because they had them already made.
I took my burgers and went to a table. I ate the first one. It was warm rather than hot, pretty much what I’d been expecting. I opened the second package, and then opened the burger to reduce the amount of onions it contained.
I then noticed that it contained no meat. They’d forgotten the patty.
With visions of Clara Peller dancing in my head I returned to the franchise to have my burger replaced. The counter person, all of the bystanders, and the kitchen crew all enjoyed a good laugh at the “cook” who had been tasked with assembling the Teen Burgers, I got a freshly made sandwich, and life went on.
I think I’ll go back tomorrow just to see what happens.
My ex once ordered a steak sub with no onions from a shop in a food court.
She takes a bite. Onions.
Takes it back, gets a new sandwhich - onions
Gets a new one, eats half, no onions, takes a bite of the second half - onions (tell me how in the hell they get half of it right, but not the other half)
Went back and get money back.
Y’know, Odinoneeye, I hesitate to say this, but I’ve been to mall food courts–used to work in a mall–and I don’t think I’d recommend your ex’s policy. If you take back an item three times, chances are good that the wage slaves behind the counter are going to do something uglier than onions to it.
Now, I’m not saying it will always happen, or that it should happen, or that in a perfect world, everybody shouldn’t be onion-free if they so desire…
I’m just saying I’ve never been brave enough to do what she did.
So that’s 3 scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage and dry rye toast?
Order up, people!
Waitress: What do you want in your omelette, sir?
Marty: Nothing in the omelette, nothing at all.
Waitress: Well, that’s not technically an omelette.
Marty: Look, I don’t want to get into a semantic argument, I just want the protein.
</Grosse Point Blank>
::honk::
And one duck egg!
If you are going to quote the Blues Brothers…at least have the decency to do it correctly.
JAKE: I’ll have four fried chickens, and a Coke.
ELWOOD: And some dry white toast, please.
Maybe she’s waiting for you to ask her to hold it between her knees.
No coke! Pepsi!
Cheeseburger cheeseburger cheeseburger cheeseburger…
Okay, I’m gonna go off here…
To the OP:
As a professional cook, it is customers like you who make us cooks wish we had taken up proctology. Do you know how often I’ve wanted to scream at a customer, "This is a f***ing diner, not a health food store! Egg whites? Hey people, did you know that every bird in existence lays eggs that contain both whites and yolk? Do you know that raw eggs are considered a “potentially hazardous” food? Did you know that, because most people order their eggs the way nature intended, very few restaurants keep an egg-separator on hand? Which means that we have to separate the eggs with our hands, which means that we have to leave the grill to go wash the damn raw eggs off our hands. Of course, leaving the grill means that we have to ignore everybody else’s order. Yes, that’s right: orders like this bring a restaurant kitchen to a screeching halt. And making an omelet with egg whites is a royal pain in the ass!
Here’s the deal with “special orders”. Normal menu items have brief, clear abbreviations which are written on the ticket. When a cook has many orders in progress, it is a simple matter for that cook to glance at the ticket and immediately know exactly what he needs to do. Except when people come in and place “special orders” for things that are not normally on the menu. Now, instead of the waitress/counterperson/order-taker jotting down a quick abbreviation that is easily and quickly understood by the cook, the order-taker instead has to write a freakin’ novel on the ticket, detailing each and every little peculiarity about the order. This means that when the cook sees this essay, he has to stop what he’s doing, take the ticket out of the window, and stand there studying and decoding the damn thing. Not only that, while he’s in the process of making the order, he can’t just glance at the ticket now and then, he has to keep re-reading the thing to make sure he hasn’t missed anything.
Example: Instead of writing this on the ticket:
1 Bac Ch Burg/FF
the order-taker has to write:
1 hamb. patty grilled and placed on a toasted bun, with melted cheese and crispy bacon. Add mayonnaise, lettuce and tomatoes. With French Fries.
Both of those say exactly the same thing, but the second one is going to slow the cook down.
And here’s the other thing: what the hell is wrong with sticking to the fershlugginer menu when you go to a food service establishment? Check this out: the menu lists the items it does because… that is what the place keeps in the damn kitchen! Should I have to keep a pot of hollandaise sauce ready just in case somebody wants Eggs Benedict? Even though Eggs Benedict isn’t on the menu? Hell no! And guess what? Having been a professional cook for more than 20 years, I’ve made an interesting discovery: for some reason, these so-called “healthy” foods seem to take twice as long to prepare as “regular” food. Did you know that hashbrown potatoes take a frickin’ long time to cook when you don’t put any oil on the grill?
Here’s something I wish everybody who eats out would learn: Your order is not the only one in the kitchen! The other customer’s orders are just as important as yours, and they’re probably in just as much of a hurry as you are (God I hate that when people come into a busy restaurant and ask us to “put a rush on it - I’m in a hurry!” Yeah, so? Next time, why don’t you drag your lazy ass out of bed and leave the house a bit earlier so that you’re not in such a hurry?) And frankly, all your “special orders” do is make everybody else’s food take longer. The other customers thank you.
Now, as to the cooks in your cafeteria screwing up your little omelet: they’re not making mistakes. They’re doing it on purpose. They hope that if they do it wrong enough times, you’ll eventually get the message and knock that shit off.
As a man who couldn’t do the short-order cook thing for more than about three months, Phase42, I’m in no position to directly contradict any of what you’ve just said. However, directing your wrath at Biggirl strikes me as a tad unfair. It seems to me that food servers and order takers should consitute a line of defense when it comes to items that the kitchen is not prepared to, uhh, prepare. A management team that values the line cooks should also be prepared to hold the line against unreasonable requests.
I might also point out that many restaurants make a point of offering Egg-Beaters[sup]tm[/sup] right there on the menu (I’m sure you realize that Egg-Beaters[sup]tm[/sup] are just egg whites - no separating required). And even though I’m sure you are aware of them, I will also add that there some kitchens whose menus specifically do offer egg whites as an alternative to both whole eggs and to Egg-Beaters[sup]tm[/sup]. Biggirl might be willing to share with us whether the cafeteria in question does or does not specifically offer such choices.
Yet again, we see a worker blaming their bad management on their customers. I’ll use small words so you can understand:
Your boss can say no to her order. (darn, got a 2-syllable in there)
In larger words for the rest of our audience:
Your boss decides what food products your cafeteria/restaurant sells and does not sell. If your boss decides to sell a product that is inconvenient for you to prepare, talk to him!!! If your boss allows orders that require you to read actual words, you should discuss your reading comprehension problems with him.
As to the passive agressive act of intentionally screwing up an order, what you deserve is to get that whole batch thrown right back at ya. Literally. All over your kitchen. Just so you can spend a good long time cleaning your agressively prepared food out of every nook and cranny of your kitchen.
You know, there ARE cooks who would be happy to cook something a bit more difficult than a burger and fries.
Hey Phase, since when is buttered whole wheat toast a “special order”? It’s the customer’s fault that they ordered from the menu and the staff gets it wrong-- every single day?
My advice to you is to not work in an establishment where you are too stupid to fulfill the minimum requirement of serving what’s on the fucking menu.
Oooh … I’ll have what’s on the Fucking Menu. That sounds real nice.
And could I get a side order of felatio with that … to go?
You know, I just noticed this, Phase42… Separating eggs to make an egg white omelete means the cook has to leave his station to wash his hands. However, cracking a fresh egg to make sunny side up does not. Interesting… What do your cooks do when they have to handle raw meat?
psst… the guys at my cafeteria use these things called latex food service gloves which might solve your hand washing problem. But with all of your experience, you surely have heard of them already, right?
I don’t know about the raw meat issue, but as for the eggs - I can crack eggs without getting raw egg on my hands, but I certainly cannot separate them without doing so. Separating a raw egg takes a pretty long time in terms of how fast short-order cooks move, if you don’t want to waste a fair amount of egg white.
What Ferret Herder said. I’m quite adept at cracking eggs without getting it on my hands.
Oh, I quite agree. On the other hand, it is the customers who are placing these orders, not the boss, and bosses tend to see little more than dollar signs. And believe it or not, many bosses haven’t got the first clue about how things are done in their kitchens. This is how my last boss has managed to run into the ground a restaurant that was very successful before she bought it. Once certain customers figured out that she was going to say “yes” to absolutely anything they requested, the special orders got more and more elaborate and outlandish. And the kitchen got slower and slower. Pretty soon, other customers who remembered how the place used to be started finding other places to eat.
Again, I agree. And because I am a professional, I don’t do that kind of thing. But I have been in this business long enough to have known cooks who would do that kind of thing. Fortunately, that kind of cook doesn’t last long in the business. The other cooks will want him gone, believe it or not. Of course, even though I wouldn’t intentionally screw up an order, that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it.
Oh, it’s not. But I’m assuming the egg whites are. If the cook is intentionally screwing up your order, it would fit “cook logic” perfectly to do the special request correctly, and make the “mistake” elsewhere in the order. On the other hand, this is something that might possibly be blamed on whoever is delivering the food to you. I’ve seen this happen over and over again: Cook puts the order in the window, and there are other orders also in the window waiting for the server to take them away. Server comes along, and, reading her own writing incorrectly, grabs the wrong combination of plates. i.e. grabs main course from order #1 and the toast from order #2, and delivers both to the person who ordered #1.
As someone who has been a food service person for many years, I got news for all you short order cooks and wait staff people and restauranteurs or however you spell that: the customer who’s making your life difficult? He (or she) pays your wages. This does not mean they should have carte blanche (and we only accept MC/Visa anyway) to make your job difficult to impossible, but a reasonable amount of flexibility would be appreciated. There’s NOTHING complicated about Biggirl’s order, and the fact that many people have already noted that her order can be made in less than five minutes at home is proof of that. She chooses to give (the hypothetical) you her money to do that for her.
“Cook logic” my Aunt Fanny. “Cook ego” is more like it. Customers were not put on this earth to make your life easy.
Sheesh.