30 Dubloons: The Story of Jesus & Me Losing Our Souls to Money (33 1/3LP Version)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This shit went down at work today, Old-School-Testament-style, like Nuns with numbchucks.

#1 calls a sudden senior-staff meeting. I arrive early and #1 takes me aside and says, “Look #7, #25 is giving a presentation on our E-Stratego; she will be the architect, but I want y’alls to develop the content.” I say, "Right-on, #1, I 'll bill it as “technical”.(which is like triple-time, for me, and no-problemo for me with writing compelling shit, engaging copy, with a diction that people eat-up like PEZ).

Then the meeting starts, and #25 lays out our Company’s adaptation and exploitation of E-shit, and enhancing our visibility using shit like Twitter, Facebook, and something called LinkedIn or LinkedUp or FuckedUp.

So at that point, I’m starving and distracted- it’s like 11:30pm and I’m glancing between #25’s,and #6’s,#6.5’s teets, -and dreaming about plate of microwaved Goolash and the last of my Honeycrisps that I was planning for lunch…and I hear #1 interject: "And we will all be signing up for a Facebook Page and a LinkedIn LinkedUp or FuckedUpWhatever Page.

And I looked around the room, to the other dept.Heads with, well, “trepedationment” ain’t no word, so I’ll use SHOCK and shit.

See,I have a name like “Moon Unit Zappa”, except it ain’t MUZ. My name is as unique, and there is only one of me- so far- in the world. If I were John Smith, I’d take this added duty with pride. But I can’t. Google my real name, and well…you get me- because I have a land-line telephone, and a listing of residences for the last 10 years minimum. (Also something I wrote to a “questionable” website and signed my real name(back in '97ish, but I had to because I was seeking help.) That shit is still there. You can’t erase the internet.)

All afternoon, it felt as though someone had suckerpunched me in the vitals, and by “vitals” I mean shit that chicks ain’t got.

On the one hand, I am a hermit, an anti-social sumbitch, a loner; other hands will revel(not reveal) in the chance to present threads amongst the internet, with a demeanior of self-pridery, and the desire to cultivate a voice that is an “identifyable-anonimity” or “anonimously-identifyable” as I do on the SDMB and other sites.

But on the other-other hand: (listed in order of how the shit will hit the fan,(and by shit I mean my name, and by fan I mean for all prosperity, until a gigantic meteor hits a silo and an EMP erases it) I am supposed to put:

Real name on internet with a real picture.
Real picture on internet with real name on the internet.
Me, with a picture of me, on internet, with my current job, and a listing of past accomplishments(THAT HAVE TO BE REAL!. what a drag, I was on the space-shuttle for a minute there. Fuckin’ Hero-free-beer-status.))
Real verification that that is the Real ME on Google Earth, with my DL picture and my current employ, past, and other shit.

I HATE FACEBOOK, and I ain’t even on it.
WHO CARES? And that wasn’t a question
And suddenly “it’s my project.”

I forgot how it all ties into me and Jesus, but it was somethin’ ‘bout a bucket of KFC and 5XNorthern Light growin’ in my laundry room.

I love y’alls!
Word.

ZKDubS

2

And shit.

3

Happy Festivus, Super K, we love you too!

Sorry to hear about your social networking problem. My daughter only uses her first and middle name on Facebook because she’s studying to be a teacher and wants to keep her work and social lives separate. Maybe you could do something similar.

4

Stop making sense, dude - you’re scarin’ me.

And tell us more about #6.5 :wink: and shit.

5

Merry Christmas, S-K. And shit.

6

I must be drunk.

I just understood an entire SK post and even laughed at the humour.

(6.5’s teets!) I’m still laughing… HAHAHAHA!

Holy shit!

7

You’re senior staff?! No shit!

8

Cheers for writing one of the best ever thread titles!

This will probably just freak you out more (it did me), but Facebook already knows all about you. You don’t even need to sign up. The minute you create your account, they will immediately connect you with people they know that you know. And they’ll be right too. They have a whole spiderweb built up already, with a Super K shaped hole just waiting for you to stumble in.

Might as well just enjoy the fall.

9

Don’t do it!

10

When you sign up on the internets and post your profile, can you please send us a link and shit, #7?

11

Perhaps I misunderstood the OP. I hope so.

Your employer is requiring YOU to have a FaceBook account? You really mean that the Company that you work for will have a FaceBook page, right?

They can’t possibly be asking you to create a FB page related to the company. There lie dragons.

If it is so. It needs to be stopped in its track s right now.

If you do have to do it, make sure to make reference to the ‘Great Tracts of Land that you have’.

Sheesssss. If an idea like this came down the pike where I work, the IS department and everyone else would squash it like a bunch of broccoli.

12

Just open it under the name Super Kapowzler.
and shit.

13

Shit, man!

Like for realz and shit? Verifiable info required, linked to your real name? Is that legal?

I’m on facebook with my real pic, but I used a new gmail acct. with alias - I’m Veronika LiBeth - so facebook can’t “accidentally” look in a real address book to find my contacts IRL. So the only people I’m friends with are co-workers. I really only started the page to keep track of co-workers and people associated with my work. I posted a real pic so people would recognize me, but IRL family and high school losers can’t find me.

It’s gotta be illegal or some shit to make you post your real info. A pic and an alias? No prob. You can’t be the only one with a problem puttin all that up in da web and shit. Maybe once you start takin names, others will back you up.