770 calories of pure joy

This is truly mundane and pointless, but I feel the need to share. I am about to eat a slice of Neiman Marcus gourmet turtle cheesecake and I’m so excited I’m practically drooling. This tasty treat arrived in my office today as a gift from a vendor to one of my co-workers. In fact, he got two of them. And boy do they look good. They arrived frozen, so I’ve plated my slice to allow it to thaw.

It seems that I may be the only one in the office who dares to brave the cheesecake because, sadly, it came with nutrition facts. Yes, my friends, the calorie count. One beautiful slice contains 770 calories of pure creamy lovin’. Calories from fat? 440! Total fat? 49g! That’s 76% of your daily value. And that’s nothing compared to the daily value of saturated fat this puppy provides: a whopping 139%. Don’t even get me started on the cholesterol.

But hey! It also contains 30% of the daily value of vitamin A and 15% each of calcium and iron. It’s good for me!!

Plus, it looks like a little slice of heaven. The top is coated with a thick, golden caramel. The caramel is oozing down the sides of my slice, past the creamy cheesecake to the fudge layer at the bottom of the slice. The cake has a graham cracker crust and pecan pieces around the perimeter. It’s a sight. I can’t wait…

Oh my God. 770 calories? Do you realize that your average forest fire doesn’t release that much heat? You could power Detroit in perpetuity on that much energy.

Orgasm on a plate.

I have eaten just the tip of the slice. It is SO GOOD.

Cheesecake + caramel + fudge + graham cracker = heaven

The tip is by far the tastiest part, I always save it for last.

You know what’s better than a slice of turtle cheesecake? A slice of turtle cheesecake for BREAKFAST. You go 'head and chow down.

Related note: WHY do they put nutritional information on the boxes of stuff that we all know is death on a plate? It’s unkind. Getting a box of See’s candy provides the greatest test of my willpower: NOT to look at that stupid fat gram count. Dammit, it’s hard to ignore that and keep it from interfering in my chocolate-hazed orgy, but thankfully I’m a big enough person to do it (no pun intended).

Love this stuff, though, as Dr.Teeth mentioned, they really shouldn’t list the info. Or, if they insist, they should perhaps change the name on the box to “Neiman Marcus Coronary Surprise.”


Remember to drink a couple of diet sodas to cancel out all of those unwanted calories!

Awwww yeah, baby! I loves me some cheesecake.

And I love that nutritional info. My mother has this annoying habit of asking me, “Guess how many calories are in this dessert?” that we’re about to have, and of course I just know it’s got to be some insane amount. I DON’T CARE! Dessert isn’t supposed to be good for you, that’s the whole point!

Funny. The tip is usually what goes in my mouth first.


I finished the cheesecake and now I’m on a sugar high, but it was worth it. Not one other person has been brave enough to have a piece. Fools. (I wonder if they’ll let me take it home…)

Why not? I’d take it home, especially if no one else ate any.

What you do now is take the stairs at work maybe 2 or 3 times, then you are absolved of all guilt.

Oh dear God, now I have to explain to the rest of the lecture section why I’m blushing furiously trying not to laugh…thanks!

I’m not sure I understand what you are saying, you’ll have to show me :wink:

True enough. I work on the 64[sup]th[/sup] floor!

And for the rest of you, the question may be: did the tip *of the cheesecake) enjoy being eaten…? :smiley:

mmmmm… that cheesecake sounds even better than the local chocolate fudge cake thingy fron the Central Market in Austin. That baby only has 690 calories :eek: per slice but has to eaten in a darkened room.

Do you need a licence to eat this sort of stuff??

so did you take the cheesecake to… your place?

When I was in college, a local bakery sold their wares on campus. They had a chocolate cheesecake muffin–basically it was choc. cake with a gob of wonderful cheesecake in the middle, and chocolate cream cheese icing on top. But because they called it a muffin, I could happily justify eating these big, warm, fat-laden chunks of heaven.

UNTIL they started putting nutritional info labels on them. AIYEEE! One of these babies had 675 calories! Okay, I think that deep down I knew it had to be something like that, but calling it a “muffin” made the whole experience virtuous.

Sigh. I’m so willing to be self-deceived, if it’s for a good cause…