95% of Americans Forced Into Boot Camp! News at 11.


Oh, man, did I need that laugh.


Now that I think of it, I probably shouldn’t be laughing. I LIKE sausage!

I forwarded this link toa ll my friends! They must be saved!!!

“Love given when it is inconvenient is the greatest love of all. Kindnesses that are shared at a high cost to oneself are the most dear.”

Don’t know who said it, but I like it.

< snort >

Oh lord…no WONDER I’m nearsighted! (Or wait, was that too much information?)

“You have to laugh at yourself, because you’d cry your eyes out if you didn’t.”
-Emily Saliers

That was a joke right?

They werent serious were they?

I mean really, if they slice up all the sausage etc…what about vibrating recliners … mmmmmmmmmm

OH! :o

New that is too much information! :wink:

Post #994

I was really enjoying this article. Imagine my surprise when I got to item #3 under “What You Can Do”:

I think I busted a blood vessel.

The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs. – E. Grebenik

I think it would have been funnier if it read “If you are Masturbating NOW, STOP!”

Sorry, it’s the editor in me.

What a bunch of freaks…then again, I have been a little depressed, nearsighted, weak and …what was the other thing?
That’s it…I’m throwing away all my cucumbers (I always get the biggest ones), sausages (especially the bratwurst) and pitching my vibrator out the window! I repent! I’m soooooooory!
(Actually, I’m masturbating right now…)

Some mornings it just doesn’t seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

Perhaps, but they don’t make a patch for that, now do they?

Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine

You notice how big they wrote everything right??

I wonder why???

Maybe their eyesight is failing???

Zette, I think you definitely shared a little too much info with us. You sure type well with one hand though.


Hey, Zette…did you see the MPSIMS thread with my name on it? Heheheheheheheheh… :wink: :wink: :wink: :wink:

“If you drive an automobile, please drive carefully–because I walk in my sleep.”–Victor Borge

“Surveys have repeatedly shown that up to 5% of Americans don’t Masturbate.”

UP TO FIVE PERCENT? That’s terrible! We have to do something about that right away! Get Playboy on the line!
– Sylence

“The problem with reality is the lack of background music.” – Anon

I can’t tell if it’s joke or not.

If they are serious, I think I will mail my senator, like they ask. And tell my senator to declare a national holiday so we can all go and throw rocks at them.
…or maybe cucumbers…
hee hee hee…Oh, lord, this is too funny.

Personally, I’d have no problem living in a country governed by an evil dictator.
As long as I got to be that evil dictator.

Who said anything about hands? :wink:

Some mornings it just doesn’t seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

Mom, what happened to my door?

Oh, I took it away. The bathroom door’s coming down, too, as soon as my back gets better. Don’t you forget about the DANGERS OF MASTURBATION!! Oh, and have a nice day at school.

We are indeed fortunate to live in a time and in a country where serious public health issues like this can be addressed.

Now if the mainstream medical community will just respond! Appropriately, that is. (Doctor Jackson, stop tha whooping and whinnying immediately!) Why, in years of wearing corrective lenses, not ONE of my eye doctors has even mentioned this!

Why, it’s a known fact that many people need to wear glasses as they get older. Wait a minute, does that mean that all of them…and they’re using walkers…oh, dear, the implications are just horrifying.

Squinting through her pince nez,

Assuming this is true, let’s analyze:
5% of all Americans do not masturbate.
10% of prison populations do not masturbate.
Seems to me that a masturbator is less likely to go to prison than a non-masturbator.

Laugh hard; it’s a long way to the bank.

You’ll have to take this vibrator out of my cold dead hands! Or somewhere…

Modest? You bet I’m modest! I am the queen of modesty!

You noticed that too, eh, Aura?

Though I thought it was clever how they used they used ‘90% do’ for the prison population and ‘5% don’t’ for the general population, so that it would be harder to notice that.

Or am I giving them too much credit?

‘They couldn’t hit an Elephant from this dist…!’

Last words of General John Sedgwick