The avionics suite shouldn’t be powered by the engines. A dual pair of hamsters on wheels in the cockpit (airplanes always have a backup) will provide economical power and they can be fed before each flight by soliciting passengers with extra bits of bread and things. Passengers will fight for the priviledge. The only issue may be that the instruments just stop working for a few minutes at a time but they will generally pop back if the pilot keeps trying…
Save on all those airports in the U.S., just have a couple on the east coast and a couple on the west coast. Want to go somewhere in between? Bring your own chute and, for a fee, the airlines will calculate the bailout point nearest your destination and provide you w/ a map of the area. Rental chutes available, if you return it, prepacked, you get a small return deposit.
I’m sure 90% of the cockpit instrumentation can be removed and sold for scrap. Altimeter? If you’re on the ground, you can feel it - if you’re near the ground, you can see it. If you can’t see it, you’re in the air. Simple.
Provide a map? What are you thinking? Email the customers a link to Google Maps and let them print it for themselves.
Well, that’s just great. It looks like Air Tran is just about to take over the one airline I actually enjoy flying, Midwest Airlines.
P.S. Sorry about the hijack
P.P.S. Oops, shouldn’t have said “hijack” in an airtravel thread
Oh excuse me your Majesty! Hamsters? Backups!! AVIONICS??? Why not gold plated toilets while you’re at it?
Let one of the pasengers turn the hand crack!
Email customers? Spend money on servers and computers? Sheer folly. Scatter mimeographed leaflets with directions from previous flights, and charge the passengers on those flights for the privilege of scattering.
I think we’re onto something. Take the engine out of a blimp and install stationary bicycles that power the propellors. Your flight starts off at a cost of $300 but the more you pump the more you get back! You could make money by the end of the flight! (Who cares that you could get there faster by car? Whatever happened to good old honest work?)
Hell. We should be paying airlines for the privilege of walking from New York to London.
So when did you learn the art of walking on water?
Seriously, all airplanes should be scrapped, back to buggies and rowboats and footpower
You wanna get there, fine, make it under your own steam pal
Ahhh, the Google approach to transportation!
This is why round-trip tickets cost less than one way tickets.
What’s this about needing a pilot on a plane at all? You could charge the X-BOX generation to log onto X-BOX-Live and control planes remotely. Take a few minutes, get the jet into the air or onto the ground, turn on autopilot, and move on to the next one. You could charge more for the challenging ones, like landing or taking off in blizzards.
Well, the wear and tear will reduce the lifespan of the aircraft, necessitating more frequent maintenance and/or replacement, thus increasing costs. Can’t have that; wheels are sort of necessary. You’re on the right track, though, I think: there’s no reason the wheels have to be attached to the airplane. Instead, stick them on the runway. It wouldn’t be flat; it would be scooped out, like a long half tube, lined with used automobile tires mounted on bearings. And you don’t need brakes on the tires, either: the newer assemblies are at the beginning of the runscoop, and as they wear out and lose their lubrication and get more difficult to turn, you move them down toward the other end, so they slow down the plane as it coasts through the tube. The only time you have to do maintenance is to move the assemblies down the line, and then re-lube the very last row before moving it back up to the beginning.
Or you could attach the rows of tires to a series of flywheels that powers a catapult so the airplanes will not spend so much gas on the takeoff. Brakeage AND power conservation at once!
I’m betting we could get rid of the runways, and instead just use really big treadmills…
You know, passengers want to feed. But bringing food on board is costly and bulky. So I say lets bring back an old tradition and transport the food on the hoof.
Or more precisely, on the shoe.
The airline could offer the standard $9 fare but then have an auction on which passenger gets eaten by the rest. Whoever bids lowest gets a seat next to some vegeables and rice pilaf. This seems to be a percectly logical step for an industry that treats its customers like cattle.
And be careful when someone asks for a sack of nuts.
A plane that goes somewhere? Pfffft. Just keep the plane on a treadmill for a few hours, declare you’ve arrived at your destination, and nobody will be the wiser. It’s just that simple.
Give a discount?, a DISCOUNT!!!???
AAARRGGHHH!!!
clenches shirt over the heart and flops legs up behind the desk
A discount you say?, what kind of silly talk is that!; if they want to fly the plane it´s 50 bucks up front for the first one which comes with the a pilot´s licence, 100 if he doesn´t have one.