The Mustang GT Convertible purred real horrorshow as I drove my two droobs, er… children to Burger King for a little of the old munch-munch. Whenever I go to Burger King and order from the Drive thru, I pretend that I’m Sean Connery. There’s a chain of logic to this: England still has kings and Sean Connery was in Her Majesty’s Secret Service. America has Burger King and I am getting service from the drive thru. make sense?
Anyway, I like to pretend I’m Sean Connery, and my daughter’s find it funny.
“Welcome to Burger King, would you like try a value meal,” says the box.
“Yesh! Magnifishent!” I reply in perfect Connerise. “I beleive I should like a Shix piece Chicken Fries Happy Meal with an Orange Shlushie, and…”
“I’m sorry Sir. We don’t have Happy Meals here. This is Burger King.”
“HA! I shee. You have some sort of meal with a toy appropriate for children, that comes in a box do you not?”
“Yes Sir. We have a Kid’s meal that currently comes with a neopet.”
“Magnifishent! I’ll take one of those with Chicken fries, and an Orange Shlushie.”
“We don’t have Orange Sir, we only have Lemonade flavor.”
“That will be fine.”
“Would you like French fries or apple fries with your Kid’s meal.”
“What ish an Apple fry, praytell?”
“It’s a healthy alternative to french fries.”
“Morgan Shpurlock strikes again!”
“Sir?”
“French Friesh, pleashe.”
“Anything else?”
“Yesh. My other daughter would like a shix pieshe chicken nuggets Kidsh Meal, with a Lemonade Schlushie and plain old French Friesh!”
“Chicken Tenders?”
“WOT?”
“Chicken Tenders, sir? We don’t have McNuggets. This is Burger King.”
“This ish really too much. Did Morgan Shpurlock get to the Mcnugget, as well?”
“Sir”
“Never mind. Are these chicken tenders grilled or are they breaded and fried pieces of chicken bitch.”
“They are breaded and fried.”
“What ish the difference between a chicken tender and a Mcnugget then?”
“Chicken Tenders are shaped like crowns”
“Those will be fine.”
Would you like anything else?"
“Yesh. I’d like two cheeseburgers. A large onion rings with shauce, a Hershey’s pie and cookie dough pie.”
“Would you like anything else?”
“No.”
“$17.97. Please drive through to the second window.”