What shit are you referring to?
The OP said it was strictly a verbal altercation. So a man raising his voice and cursing at his girlfriend/wife/sister/friend (without any context, how can anyone understand whether the pair are even a romantic couple?) is getting away with some ‘shit’? What shit is he getting away with? Being a dick who likes to yell?
If he’s cursing her and she’s in tears, the “shit” he’s getting away with is verbal assault. If he’s doing it in public and disturbing other people, the “shit” he’s getting away with is also disturbing the peace.
I think both of those could fall under the heading of “being a dick”. Neither one is a criminal offense, and neither one should warrant the intervention of the police or of some wannabe hero who thinks it’s their duty to interfere in the non-violent personal matters of complete strangers.
Disorderly conduct is a vague term in law enforcement and the responding officers would be the ones to decide if the verbal argument was a criminal offense, not Jettboy of the SDMB. I appreciate that you don’t feel as if it is a criminal offense, but in many jurisdictions you’d be wrong, wrong, wrong.
You wouldn’t interfere. That’s fine. Dismissing others as wannabe heroes is as asinine as anyone who would call you a pussy for not interfering.
Disturbing the peace is a crime, and if I see some asshole verbally abusing a woman in public, I’m going to make it my business. Deal with it.
The above is basically true, along with what jodi has said. However, keep in mind that if you do intervene in such a situation, there is a chance of the woman and man both turning on you. In this event, you should leave them alone. A knight in shining armor can’t save one dragon from another dragon. If they’re really creating a disturbance, call the cops on them later, after you’ve left. Don’t hesitate to use the police; you’re paying for them with your taxes after all.
Never heard the phrase lovers tiff?
Jesus.
I think the disagreements in this thread may be due to differences in what our mental image of “couple arguing, man cursing,woman crying” is.
I see this question as a lovers quarrel outside the bar that many of us have been in. The girl is crying due to the emotionality of the situation and the guy is yelling and cursing. That in itself doesn’t warrant intervention.
There’s a difference in someone cursing in a heated argument and someone cursing with the intent to abuse and intimidate someone. I imagine it’s the latter that Diogenes and others are thinking of.
This is why I intervene in the exact way that I do: it’s not always apparent which you’re observing. Some people’s foreplay is loud and bloody and public.
It’s not ethical for me to fix things that the participants’ don’t want fixed. Yes, I understand that victims of abuse often “ask for it” in the sense that they don’t accept help when it’s offered or they protect their abusers and turn on their would be rescuers. As a human being with free will, that’s their right. So I will *offer *aid, but I won’t jump in with fists flying unless it’s made clear that my help is desired. If that means s/he gets another beating tonight, I’m really really sorry, but if they’re not ready to accept help, there’s nothing ethical that I can do about it. People have the right to have lives and relationships I wouldn’t chose for myself.
The OP talked about verbal only.
In that situation I would do nothing as it was none of my business. I don’t know the context. Hey, for all I know she might have deserved a good verbal spanking as she may have been doing it to him for the last 30 mins when I wasn’t there.
Violence is another matter all together. Then you call the police.
This is regardless of gender. Bullying is bullying, regardless of gender, ethnicity, religion, or sexual orientation.
Verbal only - I might stare (well, duh, you’re making a scene), but I’d probably still walking. I’m a small Asian chick that weighs like 120 soaking wet, I’m not getting my skinny, fragile ass involved.
Escalating threats of violence - I would stick around and see if anybody else (especially an authority figure) has a handle on the situation. If yes, see above. If no, I’d go get one.
Actual violence - Somebody in charge is getting notified. If I’m the only one around who will do it, I would probably offer rudimentary first aid to the victim, but that’s about it.
…of course, all of this assumes me to be thinking clearly. Part of me is a reckless impulsive idiot (and bullying is one of those berserker buttons for me) so if I were alone I might rush into doing the first thing that springs to mind.
Disturbing the peace is generally a civil offense rather than a criminal one. Deal with it.
Damn, and here I thought Charles Bronson had passed away…
The OP only stated that “…a couple is arguing, the woman is crying & the man is cursing her” as the setup scenario. That’s all; no violence, no abuse, no fat lip or bloodied nose(s)…just a guy cursing at a woman who is in tears.
For all any passers-by know, the woman could be the man’s employee and she’s getting taken to task for dropping the ball on a multi-million dollar assignment.
Maybe the woman is his sister and he’s chewing her ass out for putting their mother in a second rate nursing home.
Maybe the woman is a total stranger and she stepped on the man’s foot while she was wearing six-inch stiletto heels. His foot is probably broken and he’s pitching a bitch before he hobbles off to the emergency room. She feels guilty and is crying; maybe she already offered to pay for his hospital visit and cab fare and that didn’t calm him down. Maybe the ‘cursing’ is “You stupid, clumsy bitch! I’m 'gonna have my attorney so far up your ass that his yarmulke will be hanging out of your mouth!”
Maybe the two had a fender bender and they’re waiting for the police to show up.
Considering the experiences of police and domestic violence calls, there’s a darned good chance that hubby will be the one going to jail with the woman testifying against him.
The police are trained (and paid) to deal with this.
Sometimes the victim turns upon the person trying to help them and sometimes the aggressor goes bananas.
Therefore I call the police, stating I am reporting a disturbance.
If I was going to intervene (not sure I would, in theory or in fact) I would probably come up and say “is there a problem here?” It reminds the man that it’s a public place and, played properly, gives the woman a chance to ask for help.
There’s something to this. Recreational outrage is all well and good, but “he had it coming” tends to fair very poorly as a legal defense.
If by “public setting” you mean something like a restaurant, I’d complain to management that the arguing couple is annoying to other customers.
What they are arguing about is entirely their business and I’m staying out of it.
All I’m interested in is having a meal in peace.
Exactly. I had a long relationship with a woman who, in extreme situations, would hit me. I do not claim to be a victim, or to have been seriously physically injured by this woman. I never hit her, or threatened to hit her. I never even attempted to physically prevent her from hitting me, because I knew that I would then be seen by all, including the criminal justice system, as the aggressor.
That said, if I had behaved like her, I’d be in prison now. Women generally get a pass on this kind of behavior.
it’s a misdemeanor criminal offense, but regardless, it’s an offense, and it’s my business, and anyone bullying a woman in my vicinity will have to deal with me getting up in his face.
Just how far “up in his face” are you willing to get?