Couples in Violent Arguments. Should you intervene?

Great Debates
1

Situation: You go out for a walk and suddenly you hear a loud scream. There is no one on the streets but you. You walk towards the area where you heard the scream coming from, and the next thing you know, you walk upon a couple ( Muscular man and a Beautiful woman) that are locked in a heated confrontation with one another. She slaps him, he pushes her to the ground. She jumps up and they both start wrestling with her screaming out in pain.

You have no cellphone, and there isnt a payphone in sight, so calling the police is out of the question.

TOPIC TO DEBATE: Would do you think would be the “right” thing to do. Would you jump in and try to stop them, (or) would you just consider it to be none of your business and just simply move on. What would you do and why?

2

TYPO: “Would do you think should be the “right” thing to do”

should read

“What do you think should be the “right” thing to do”

3

Jump in and try to stop them. Like in any kind of fight, actually, whether or not it’s a couple.
However, IME, it’s easier to stop a fight between two men than between a couple.
The caricatural situation where both turn against you for meddling in their fight can be for real.

Actually, I’m not sure on what basis one would think that the right thing to do would be to let them fight.

4

[QUOTE=Starguard]
You walk towards the area where you heard the scream coming from, and the next thing you know, you walk upon a couple ( Muscular man and a Beautiful woman) QUOTE]

Well, as she is a beautiful woman, I’d have to do something, likely take an axe handle to the scoundrel assailing her, and the proceed to have my way with her as my just reward. However, if she does not meet my very high standards of beauty, I’d probably stop to laugh, or else ask if I can get a kick or two in myself. :rolleyes:

Seriously, clairobscur makes a good point- it’s the same reason why cops don’t like making domestic violence calls- the victim is just as likely to turn on you at the moment of crisis. So unless I had someone with me to watch my back, I doubt that I’d do more than get to the nearest phone and get the authorities involved.

5

Something as simple as “Hey, hey, HEYYYY!!! Stop it now or I’m calling the police.” might be enough to stop the immediate violence. I would not be willing to interject myself physically unless serious injury or death was about to happen, and even then I would have a good exit strategy.

6

I once started yelling at a guy to stop knocking his wife around. He jumped over the bushes and came after me. I was very lucky my dad jumped in. (I couldn’t have been more than 16 at the time). It’s definitely risky!

7

Same rules apply for me, couple or not.
If I saw the beginning and neither did anything to try to avoid it, let them go at it. Oviously, they both want to do it.
If somebody tried to walk away (and are now getting their butt kicked*), I’ll try to help that person.
If I didn’t see the beginning and it seems they’re evenly matched, let them go at it. I don’t know the circumstances, I’m not getting involved.
I didn’t see it start and somebody is getting their butt kicked, try to prevent said butt kicking.
These rules were formulated after way too many nights in way too many unsavory drinking establishments.
*this was added after watching a guy try to walk out of a bar to avoid a fight. When the two asses tried to stop him, he turned into a total madman and put both of them down. Almost got a friend of mine who was going over to help him.

Peace - DESK

8

The rules are different when the fight occurs in a bar. There you have bouncers that are paid to deal with the problem.

Just because the fighters seem evenly matched is no reason to walk away.

9

I agree it is risky. I came home from a movie to find a man beating up his wife/gf in the middle of an intersection. I yelled at him and informed him I was calling the police. He told me to f-off and continued kicking her, while I dialed. I also at the same time, knocked on a neighbor’s door (a very large neighbor). The neighbor quickly broke it up, and then held the guy while the police came. Had I jumped in, I’m guessing I would have ended up in the street balled up like the wife.

Similar scenario but a bit more scary. Driving with a friend to go to dinner and saw a guy beating up a mate on their front lawn. We slowed down and yelled to the woman, who ran to our truck and jumped in. I turned to see where the man was and he was running toward the truck. My friend hit the gas while the strange woman and I watched in horror as the man chased us “crazy bitches” trying to get a grip on the tailgate. The sad thing is the woman was drunk and didn’t want us to drop her off at the police station. We dropped her off at her grandmother’s then called the police, giving both addresses.

Like clairobscur, I don’t really see a reason to let the fighting continue. In the first instance I did have a cell phone, but believe had I not done more by waking a neighbor, the woman would have been unable to walk away.

10

What do her looks have to do with anything? For that matter, what does his physique have to do with anything?

11

"You see two people fussin, well, a man and a woman, say.
And you just don’t think it’s right that they should act an’ carry on that way.
You think to yourself, ‘wall, I’m gonna stop that row,’ but just as you draw neigh,
The lady swats the gen’lman with a poker cros’t his eye.

Let it alone–let it alone–you don’ know the people, so let it alone.
They know their business right, alright–why, they practice that way every night.
You go buttin’ in and they gonna bust yo’ chin;
You better mind y’own business an’ let it alone."

12

I certainly do something.

Depending on the specifics this may range from physically assaulting one of the combatants, to simply attempting to engage them in conversation in order to defuse the situation.

“Excuse me. But, does the number 57 bus run near hear?” At this point, I’ll do my best to look vaguely embarrased, lost, and sad. I’ll persist in this manner until they stop fighting and start talking to me. Then, I’ll act lost and like I don’t understand their directions. I’ll take out a pen and pad and ask for a map (I rarely go anywhere without a backpack). All of that should give ample time for the folks involved to calm down.

13

Physique is definitely relevant - you’d probably feel safer stepping in if the man was stringbean thin than if he was a bodybuilder type who could flatten you before you could finish yelling “stop it.”

14

Fair enough. But why should it matter if she’s beautiful or not?

15

I dunno. Maybe he was implying that men would feel more obligated to break in if the woman was attractive? I was just answering what I could. :slight_smile:

16

Well, that’s what I figured. So I’m wondering what Starguard believes:

—If the woman being mistreated is beautiful, someone should intervene because then he might get some. If she’s not beautiful, the payoff won’t be worth as much.

—If the woman being mistreated is beautiful, someone should intervene because beautiful women are a valuable natural resource. Un-beautiful women, however, are more common and less worthy.

—If the woman being mistreated is beautiful, she’ll have someone rushing in to help her, either then or later. An un-beautiful woman has fewer options, so someone should help her out right now, poor thing.

—Beautiful women are more likely to be involved in “passionate” relationships with “dominant” men. The scenario of an un-beautiful woman being mistreated in public is less likely, because they have to settle for “wimps” who wouldn’t make a scene in public anyway.

—Starguard has seen too many cable movies.

17

But wait, she’s not just “beautiful”, she’s “Beautiful”! :rolleyes:

18

What prompted me to ask this question was a simple quote that I ran across from a very intelligent speaker named Edmund Burke. For those that are familiar with him, it goes:

“The only thing needed to ensure the triumph of pure evil, is for good men to do nothing!!”

I believe that this quote was stated to prove that there are indeed two types of evil!

Evil being acted out by the perpetraitor

and

Evil being witnessed by those with the means to prevent it, but failed to act!

By standing around watching this woman being beaten, would you as the witness be just as evil as her attacker by just ignoring what you saw and walking away (or) Would intervening be a justifiable thing while knowing all the while that you have no idea why they are fighting in the first place ( ex. she may have stolen his wallet ). This is what I would like to know.

For Rilchiam-The descriptives “Muscular” and “Beautiful” were nothing more than mere selective adjectives,nothing more… but for those select few out there that are not satisfied with this, I’ll go a bit further!
The reason I chose the word “Beautiful” is because it has been sadly proven by several psychologist that most men (and I emphasise the word “most”) are more willing to react to the needs of a woman that they feel is attractive or “Beautiful” than they will to one that they feel as “not so”.

I don’t have an immediate cite to support this (as of yet), but I do remember seeing a film during a psychology class I once took many years ago that explained this in detail. This film demonstrated this with the use of 10 women. These women were all paid to participate in an experiment to show how the public reacts to people according to their overall apperance. Of these 10 women, 5 were asked to dress themselves up and do all within their power to make themselves as attractive as possible, wheras the other 5 were to told to dress as casual as they could. After this, each one of these women were asked to perform various tasks in the presence os unsuspecting men, while the reactions of these men were all recorded on tape.

Example#1

While waiting outside of a sports ticket office that was filled with men, two women were told to enter the room at different times. ( one was dressed up while the other dressed casual). The room has two doors (one on each side of the room). These women would enter through one door while holding two bags, one in each arm. They were told before entering that when they reached the second door to pretend like they were having trouble getting it open. The room had three very small survelliance cameras that recorded every event.

The first women went in dressed in a semi-tight body dress wearing heels, and had her hair and face did up as nicely as she could. She was also wearing a push-up bra that revealed a lot of her clevage, but not too much. When she reached the second door, as soon as she started to pretend as if she was having trouble, in almost no time flat, several “gentlemen” immediately got up and offered their assistance

The second woman came in exactly 5 minutes after the first one had cleared the area. The second one was dressed in blue jeans, some old run down gym shoes,
and a gray sweatshirt. When she reached the second door, she too did the same as the first women did, only this time these very same men all sat around watching each other waiting to see if anyone would get up to assist first. After a full 2 1/2 minutes of fumbling with her keys pretending to have trouble, someone finally got up and offered some assistance to her. The help was there all the same, only the reaction time from these “gentlemen” was a lot longer for the second woman than it was for the first.

Example#2

These same women were taken to a local bar. (a bar where it was made sure that they would not be recognized by anyone). Now they reversed their roles. The 5 women in the earlier experiment who were dressed causual were now told to dress themselves up as attractive as they could, while the other five who dressed themselves up in the first experiment were told to dress casually. When the bar opened, great emphases was placed on which of these women caught the attention of the male patrons first. It was proven in this one experiment that over 73% of the men that entered and caught these womens attention all spoke to the dressed up ones first (even if it was a simple “hello” followed by a smile)

All of these women were instructed to softly reject every man who tried to “get to know them better”, and it was observed that the women who were all dressed up not only got more of the attention but their admirers were also more persistant with them (meaning that weren’t wiling to give up right away).

These experiments went on to many different areas ranging anywhere from women who were instructed to pretend like they were tired and wanting a seat in crowded outdoor cafe’s, to women pretending to be stranded in parking lots with car trouble.

Its overall goal was to prove that ones appearance in public does have a drastic effect on how one is treated by the masses at large!

This is why I chose to use the adjective " Beautiful" in my OP

19

Depends on how muscular the guy is. If I’m pretty sure that I can intervene without getting injured, I would do so. If not, my hide is more valuable to me than a stranger’s.

I think it’s hypocritical to call anyone but the cops for help. If I’m not feeling very altruistic, why should I expect this from others?

20

Just for the record, my mom is one of the state’s foremost authorities on domestic violence. I know from listening to her, that intervening in domestic disputes is a good way to get killed. Just ask any cop you see how much he or she likes to go to a domestic dispute. Also. there is no way you can prevail in a domestric dispute, generally the couple will side against you if you do not leave quickly. Mom runs a shelter for battered women, it is really surprising how many half dead women will check themselves out of a hospital to bail out their husband when everyone is sober.