A coversation with my Mother-in- Law...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

We have this same conversation atleast once a week, over the phone:

First, she asks how we are. The only acceptable answer to this is “fine” or “good”. If it’s more than one word, it gets cut off by the next topic, which will be one of the following:

Her last Doctor’s appointment
FIL’s last Doctor’s appointment
How Bush is destroying the country
That time that _________ pissed her off, and she really let him/her have it. (most of these took place atleast 20 years ago)
The very explicit details of what the HHC nurse did to her, on her last visit.
Eventually, she’ll ask about my foot.

Background on the foot: For about a year, my left foot has been puffy. I’m on a fluid pill that controls it. But the doctor is baffled by the cause and I’ve had a multitude of tests to try to discover the cause.

MIL is bothered by the fact that I have a foot problem for a good reason. She’s diabetic and has been wheelchair bound for 2 years because of a foot wound that refuses to heal.

BUT

She just registered “foot” and not “puffy”.

**MIL ** " Maybe you shoud go to that Wound Care Clinic, I went to."

**HBQ ** " It’s not a wound, just swollen"

*MIL ** "Maybe you got bit by a spider. (looooooong story about somebody being bit by a spider and how nasty the wound was" *

**HBQ ** " No, there’s not a wound of anykind, it’s just real puf…"

**MIL ** “You know, I didn’t think I had a wound until it was so big, I couldn’t walk.”

  • She had lost the feeling in her feet due to the diabetes, and the wound was on the bottom where she couldn’t see it. OTOH, I’m not diabetic, and I’m still limber enough to see the bottoms of my feet.*

Then I hear my FIL in the background ranting about how those “country doctors” up here aren’t doing a thing to help me. They live in Nashville. All other cities in Middle TN are “the sticks”. The town I live in, is the County Seat of the largest county in TN.

MIL talking to FIL " That’s why I told her, she needs to go to the Wound Care Clinic. They know what they’re doing there."

**HBQ ** “My doctor had me take all kinds of tests. He’s trying hard to figure out the problem. But it’s just swollen, there’s no wound.”

**MIL ** " Well, you’re young and still have your health, so maybe it’ll get better soon"

*MIL cont’d: ** “I’m so old and useles, stuck in this chair all day…” * Then she starts crying and I hear the back door open and close as my FIL escapes to the shed to fix something.

**HBQ ** “Noooooo, you’re not that old (she’s 72). And we still need you. You’re going to get out of that chair soon.”

*MIL ** " I would sure like to be able to drive my car again." * (loooong story of how she and her trusty steed ('68 Plymouth), were able to conquer an icy hill as she was taking the boys to school.

Then she’ll move into how Bush is destroying the country. Even if that was the subject she picked earlier.

Then she’ll talk about how proud she is of my son, and how big he’s getting.
**MIL ** " I believe, he’ll be taller than me soon." (She’s 5’ 2" and he’s 5’ 9")

**HBQ ** " He’s already taller than me" (I’m 5’ 5")

*MIL ** " yeah, but I bet he’ll be taller than me soon" :confused: * Being in the wheelchair, she may have lost perspective of how tall everybody is.

Eventually, she’ll say she has to fix Jim some dinner. ( He does most of the fixin’ these days while she supervises)

**MIL ** “… where’d Jim go? He was just here a miniute ago… That man, I tell you what, sometimes he drives me crazy hovering over me, and trying to do things for me. I told him, I guess I’ll keep him. As old as he is, nobody else is gonna want him.” (laughs)

Then we say “goodbye”.

A couple of days later, there will be a message on my voicemail, asking if I want the number for the Wound Care Center.

2

Y’know, if you just go to the wound care clinic and they are stumped, it will give your MIL something new to ground down and drive you nuts. Then you can remininsce fondly about this issue while she runs down that road on a bent.
My MIL was convinced for years that my migraines were tumors. She never said this outloud ( cause, then it would be contagious!) but since her half sister died of a brain tumor…it must be a brain tumor! The implication hung there like a fart in church for years.
Fortunately, my husband understands I get migraines and most of the causes. Just like I understand that if I am slightly ill/injured he will always trump me with an injury that is greater and more serious. Always. Except with the below forementioned illness…which is very odd…

Even better, in a perverse way, was last year when i had my vertigo-barfing-hearing loss problem and had a CAT scan, I gleefully told and showed my MIL that indeed there was NOTHING in my head at all!
w00t!

3

You’re a good daughter-in-law, HBQ.

As your reward, Og gave you a son so that someday you too may annoy your own DIL! :smiley:

4

“You know, I didn’t think I had a wound until it was so big, I couldn’t walk.”

Replace “wound” with noun of your choice. Hilarity ensues.

5

FWIW, My grandmothers swollen legs went back to normal when she cut most of the salt from her diet.

6

she loves you and is worried about you.

unfortunately, she also has a limited number of subjects to talk about, presumably because she is a bit isolated.

does she get out much?

7

Bus wife’s MIL is a bit annoying, but… :stuck_out_tongue:

Actually, being able to acknowldege my MIL’s existence would be an improvement. The wife cut her out of our lives several years ago. She still has contact with the daughter, but limited and sporadic.

Several years ago, she accused us, while on the phone with bus kid, of stealing the birthday cards she’d sent for her granddaughter so we could keep the $5 that was inside.

Off.

At the knees.

8

Not really, just one or two doctor’s appointments during the week, grocery shopping and church.

I’m not complaining about the phone calls. If they stop, I’ll be worried about her.

9

You know, my foot was swollen once. I fell off a picnic table and it puffed up. Maybe you should think about getting rid of that picnic table. ;o)

Seriously, I hope you and MIL are both feeling better.