A disabled colleague and the limits of compassion

In My Humble Opinion
1

I work with a team of people on a very busy job. One of our number is a disabled military veteran. His disability is psychological, or at least primarily so. (If he also has physical injuries they are not visible, and don’t appear to at all impede his abilities to walk, sit, or move around normally.) He has a comfort dog he is allowed to take around with him to keep him calm.

The man is almost never at work. In the past couple months I’d say he’s been there 50% of the time, max. We’ll receive last minute notice that he’s not coming in, day after day, sometimes week after week. Sometimes we won’t even receive notice. (When I say “we” I’m referring to myself and the other team members - I don’t know when or what he tells our direct supervisor.) When he is working, he often “works” from home, something that he alone is allowed to do, as an allowance for his disability.

It doesn’t help that when he is actually in the office the guy is grating and bombastic. I’m trying not to let that aspect effect what I’m asking here, though of course it doesn’t help.

This guy’s absenteeism is a drain on the rest of us. There’s no backup for him, so we end up shouldering his work. And it’s gone on like this forever - at least a year or so, though it’s gotten worse lately. It’s starting to cause resentment among the rest of us.

Personally, I suspect the guy is taking advantage of his disability to come and go as he pleases. He’s realized he’s not going to be fired and is becoming increasingly brazen in just doing whatever he wants.

Even if that’s not the case, though, my question is: what’s the limit? Whether it’s real or fake, why should our company be indefinitely paying him the same amount of money to work 20 hours a week as it’s paying me to work 40 hours a week - or, more often, 50 or 60 hours, in part because he is never there! If he’s so incapacitated, shouldn’t that be the VA’s problem to take care of?

Most of our team members feel the same way. A few people, however, are much more sympathetic to him and think that it would be immoral and possibly illegal to penalize someone with a known handicap.

So let me ask you: is it immoral? Or at a certain point is it just practical? What about legally? What do you think?

2

At a certain point someone has to admit a particular individual can not do a particular job. It’s one thing to make accommodations that enable a disabled individual to perform adequately, it’s another thing to impose upon others a team member who even with accommodation is unable to do the job.

3

My wife is going through the exact same thing in her office. They have a woman who works there that gets migraine headaches. That’s not so unusual, but in her case, they are supposedly devastatingly bad and seem to be triggered by any kind of stress. That ‘stress’ can be something as minimal as an bad phone call from a customer. On average, she is gone close to 50% of the time and always with no notice. So, even when she’s there, she is very undependable. Any tasks she’s given need to be of a discrete nature so when she drops everything, it’s easy for others to pick up her slack.

The bigger problem with her person is she has a note from her doctor under the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA), which makes it very hard to fire them. I’m told even with that, they can only use up so many hours a year, and combined with vacation and sick time for a senior person like this woman is, it becomes a legal nightmare to fire them. When these people do eventually use up all their time, providing a window for you to discipline them, you have to give them multiple chances to screw up before you can get rid of them. After all, if someone otherwise did their job, but took just a few extra days of sick time, it would seem strange for them to get fired for that offense alone, right? You have to pretend that the FMLA time is invisible. Even then, you can look forward to a nice, shiny lawsuit for discrimination afterwards when the axe finally falls. Doubly so if the person is in a protected class (minority, veteran, etc.) and has any kind of proof that during one of their many unexpected absences, people talked shit about them (e.g. e-mail records) and made it a ‘hostile work environment’.

While I would be sympathetic to anyone going through a major disease or condition, even if it is psychological and not outwardly visible to others, I would also want the person themselves to acknowledge it and seek the maximum treatment they can. In the case of ‘headache lady’, it’s unclear if she is seeing a doctor (other than the one who gave her the FMLA note) to actually treat her condition, or if she is working the system. Of course, privacy laws prevent anyone from asking, because…you…know…see exhibit A above about that creating a ‘hostile work environment’ that is lawsuit-worthy.

Even with physical problems, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask these questions of where the sympathy ends. For example, about a year ago, I had to recruit for a good paying job in remote location for a specialized software engineer. It is very hard to get people to move to this particular location, so the jobs pay a premium even though the cost of living in this place is very low. With the clock ticking, we found a person who was unemployed that looked like a good fit, and we made him an offer even though the guy was definitely not ideal. He was with our company for only two months (just past a probationary period) when he started to have medical issues of a nature that I could only describe as a ‘pre-existing condition’ we did not know about that was so bad our customer told us this individual was not allowed back in their building. He went out on disability and the issue became a HR matter after that, so I don’t know his ultimate fate. That said, there was quite a bit of speculation around the office that he purposely did this to get someone else to pay him to be on disability, which may have run out with his last employer. Of course, you can’t ask these questions when you check references, and even the long gaps in this guy’s resume don’t seem unusual since he was doing “freelance work” or so he told us.

4

1- If his attitude/demeanor is problematic, that is a very big problem, I am with you 100% on that. Even if he does have legitimate psychological/psychiatric problems it is his responsibility to learn how to get along with other people. Full stop. This part is completely on him.

2- As to his attendance or lack of attendance… how much management structure is in place at your job? Talk to them in a calm manner. Much of your complaints are probably valid and with some amount of mediation they might be able to address this and try to correct the situation. If there is no such management structure… I am not sure how to handle it.

3- If a person is depressed, depressed enough to qualify for a service dog, that is a serious category of depression. This is a case of you never know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. I wouldn’t expect a person who has never been severely depressed to understand what that felt like when I had that problem. What I would hope for is a bit of compassion and patience and belief/support. At the very minimum, at least be patient and try not to ostracize me.

Just because he is very bombastic and talkative, this is not an indication that he is “not depressed”. Indeed, the opposite, that may very well be an overcompensation as a reaction to his depression. I am no longer severely depressed but there are many days where I am slightly depressed and most people would think I am in a “good” mood simply because I have learned to habituate to it and fit into everyday society.

I repeat my comments from point #1, it is his responsibility to learn how to adapt to the world. I also repeat that unless you are feeling what he is actually feeling, it is going to be hard to understand why he acts (or fails to act) the way that he does.

ETA: Also, there is such a thing as the “welfare trap”. I am using that term very very loosely. If a person is given an accommodation, sometimes they can fall into taking too much advantage of it, simply because they have struggled with it for so long and now they have a compensation and now they make a slightly less bit of effort than they used to. This is from exhaustion and frustration and gladness that you now have some relief.

Of course, some people take advantage in a very calculated and deliberate manner. Let’s hope your coworker is suffering from some type of burnout instead of taking deliberate advantage.

5

We have a similar situation; an employee recently became ill, and since then that person calls in nearly every day, just before their shift, to say they’ll be in ‘eventually.’ Sometimes it’s two hours, sometimes four, sometimes they end up not coming in at all. One day they came in for the last 1.5 hours of their shift. It has an extremely negative effect on those on their team, but the employer’s hands are tied for now- the person has a rock-solid excuse and enough leave time/FMLA to cover it. With no other way to cope, it’s become a sad ‘black humor’ joke amongst the supervisors- they take bets on whether the person will show up, how long into the shift, etc.

A paper trail is being kept, but the truth is when they’re on site they’re able to do the job- the key is they’re rarely on site.

In your situation, it’s possible that your coworker genuinely wants to work, and is doing the best he can- and is reluctant to quit because that would be even harder on him psychologically. What he’s doing isn’t illegal, and it’s not necessarily immoral- it’s not nice to you and your other teammates, but he might not realize (or be willing to acknowledge) the extent of the impact his absences have.

Could he be gaming the system- sure. But until someone higher up decides that’s what’s going on, there’s not much that’s going to change.

6

What is his alleged disability?

7

Does his supervisor feel he is performing his work? Put another way, have any of you shared any of your concerns with your manager? I would frame things solely in terms of workload. If other team members are expected to pick up slack, and you can’t forecast for it, I think that’s a reasonable conversation to have.

In the absence of those conversations, you don’t necessarily know what arrangements this employee has in terms of work or projects. He could be churning things out by the ream/terabyte/whatever, and it’s all between him and management.

8

OP: You say he works from home a lot, or at least he is allegedly working at home. Yet you also say that the rest of you have to pick up his work load when he doesn’t show up. At first thunk, these two claims seem a bit contradictory.

Do you believe that he is actually doing his share of useful work at home? If so, why are the rest of you having to pick up his work load? (Okay, maybe a little bit.) If you feel he is not doing his share of work when he’s at home, does your management seem to feel the same way? Do you actually know if he is being paid the same as the rest of you? Maybe he has a deal where he can do less work, but only get paid for the amount he does.

Or – maybe the management is exploiting and defrauding the rest of you? Maybe he really is doing his fair share of work (not necessarily the same work that you think he’s doing) and the boss is taking advantage of the situation to tell you to do extra work for free. Is that a possibility?

9

The real issue is that the costs of compassion should be borne by the whole company, as a cost of doing business, not by the persons immediate colleagues.

10

This. Exactly this.

The company is required by law to do some amount of accommodation. Exactly how far they have to accommodate is subject to debate, and IMO most large companies are far too scared of taking action against problem children than they should be, whereas many small companies are too harsh.

The co-workers are under no such obligation. If the OP has the complete story, which is also not 100% a given, then the company has successfully transferred 20 or 30 hours of the disabled guy’s workload onto the rest of the team for free. Time for the team to stop accepting that extra workload under those terms.

Whether the unproductive person is a sympathetic character or not is immaterial. Whether their problems are 100% real or exaggerated or 100% imaginary scam-artistry is immaterial.

You need to be on record now, and loudly, that this is unacceptable and must change. If they need to hire another FTE or part-timer to absorb the unproductive person’s slack, so be it.

In the US today pushing this point vs the management may involve quitting. Sad but true. But ultimately they can only abuse you as much as you let them.

11

I don’t think it’s necessarily immoral to lack compassion for someone that you don’t like. Compassion is certainly a good thing more often than not, but you can’t force yourself to feel compassion that you don’t. That said, I would question one’s empathy or general humanity if they’re unable to feel any amount of compassion for someone with an unfortunate situation. There is, however, a limit to that. I will certainly give a pass on certain types of behavior based upon one’s circumstances but the bounds of that understanding are how uncommon and how debilitating or harmful those circumstances are. And even then, I still put a certain amount of onus on an individual to be aware of how their own circumstances affect others and make an honest effort to minimize their impact on others.

In the situation here, if the guy honestly needs that much assistance, I’d like to believe his ethics would drive him to understand that he’s not contributing at the same level as others and he should do something to rectify that. Sure, maybe because of his issues he’ll never even be an average contributor, but certainly I’d feel quite crappy about myself if I was far behind others. The fact that someone may have a job that is stressful enough that it affects their disability badly enough that they can’t even show up half the time leads me to believe they either aren’t valuing their own health enough or, intentionally or not, they’re taking advantage of the system.
Legally, as I understand that ADA, a company needs to make reasonable accommodations. I don’t know exactly what those are, and I could see bringing a service animal into the office or being able to work from home as likely reasonable, but not even being able to work at all without notice half the time probably isn’t. I’m not really sure what the legal precedent is on what would and wouldn’t be considered reasonable and how a company can handle it if an employee requires an unreasonable accommodation. Chances are, the company hasn’t done anything because whatever he does produce plus the potential costs of firing him make it cheaper to let him keep doing what he’s doing.

It may account for nothing, but if he’s causing rifts and putting people behind, you can at least talk to your supervisor. Maybe he can’t do anything, but if the guy is honestly having that much of an issue, he can work with him to make it easier for him to work more. Or maybe he can get some extra cycles from others to help out or get him moved to another team. Hell, maybe he wants to get rid of him and hearing that others are as frustrated as he will give him the push or he needs to make that happen.

12

Reasonable accommodations do not mean you cannot expect the employee to do his/her assigned tasks.

This is going to be a HUGE issue for the federal government, as the gov’t offers increasing preference for veterans. In many instances, that not only prevents hiring the best person for a position. When a vacancy exists that needs to be filled, often it gets filled with an entirely inappropriate individual, just to get a body in the position. Will be another wonderful long-term legacy of our military adventurism!

13

Anyone ask him what happened - blown up in Iraq? Best friends brains in his hair? Nerves shot to pieces? Unable to est. a regular sleep pattern - what’s going on with him? What did he do in the service of you all?

14

If you have a colostomy bag, cool. But I don’t want my nose to be constantly reminded of this fact if we are working together.

If you are in a wheelchair, fine. But I don’t want you running over my toes with it.

If you have a certain disposition because you have mental problems, great. But I shouldn’t have to deal with your obnoxiousness. Obnoxiousness–even the kind that can’t be helped–belongs in the same category as a malodorous colostomy bag or inept wheelchair manuevering. Unfortunate for the affected individual, but not something others should have to tolerate.

You can have compassion for someone and still not want to be with around them. For instance, I totally understand that kids can’t help being silly and playful and messy. I know they don’t mean any harm when they shriek at the top of their lungs or cry for trivial reasons. I have compassion for children. But I still woudn’t want to work with them because they get on my nerves.

15

Or as a fine bumper sticker from an earlier and less-sensitive era had it:

Why yes, I do own a handbasket. And a sled. Why do you ask? :slight_smile:

16

Your problem is with the company, not with this guy. If he’s not doing his job it’s the company that is putting the extra workload on you and your team. This is really no different than the guy leaving and not being replaced. They probably aren’t going to hire an extra person in this case, and it’s a major annoyance for your company to let him go and face the potential blowback, so you are probably stuck in this situation for a while. But it would serve your team to place your problems on the company instead of this one guy who might be doing all that he can.

17

FMLA only allows 480 hours of unpaid leave per year.

If you have people using more, then some other kind of accomodation is being made or perhaps the manager is an idiot who doesn’t know how it works.

I’m on it temporarily through the end of this year, so I at least know a little about how it works.

18

The problem is your company is doing a poor job of knowing it’s rights.

There are three issues here

First is the FMLA. Second is the ADA and third is anti-discrimination.

They all run concurrently not consecutively. Once the FMLA runs out, it’s done and you no longer have to consider it.

Anti discrimination laws require that the business does not bear an undue hardship of the LEAST amount. The ADA requires that business do not bear an undue hardship of the MOST amount.

If someone is not claiming accommodation under the ADA, the business only has to show it’s trying minimally. If they are claiming accommodation under the ADA, it means they have to show it is harming them much greater.

The ADA, FMLA and other laws are not a get out of jail free card for people. Business have to and should provide a reasonable accommodation. That said, it is an accommodation. It doesn’t have to be the accommodation the employee wants, nor even what his doctor wants, just what would be reasonable.

Who decides? Well in the end a judge or arbitrator will decide if it goes to a lawsuit or the EEOC.

Nothing says that an accommodated employee can make his own hours, can fail to show up and such. They still are subject to the same rules and should be progressively disciplined and documented if they are in violation. However a company must make darn well sure ALL employees are subject to this.

Unfortunately it seems like your company has poor rules or understanding of them. And they need to seek legal advice and good legal advice, not just simply a lawyer who will say, “Don’t make waves.”

And really try to remember your beef should not be with this disabled employee but with management. It is their responsibility to make sure your able to complete your work and they are failing at it, and shifting the burden on you.

19

It’s none of your biz what the guy gets paid or how his expected productivity and accessibility compares to yours. You work for the deal you and your employer negotiated. If expectations of your productivity have increased, regardless of the cause, you and your employer can renegotiate (which may be unsuccessful), based on your feedback they may make changes with processes or resources (human or otherwise), or you can leave. The mistake is letting it get personal. If you can come up with process improvement ideas which remedy the issue, you actually have the opportunity to come out like a real hero! Don’t ever pass that up!

20

You are right but you can understand that, because it’s psychological, it can look like the guy doesn’t deserve too much sympathy or understanding.

If you pull back a bit, there’s a guy who’s entire life is fucked, who is almost certainly dealing with social alienation and depression, who can’t make relationships work, who can’t sleep normally and who has a whole host of mental trauma issues.

Interesting to also note the arc of this; from waving off the boys marching to the tune of GWB - no cheese-eating surrender monkeys here - to where we are now …

I have no idea of the answer but i’d be pretty uncomfortable adding to his burden. Tough situation.