Consider that stolen as my new sig, Sealemon. I HATE the musical ringing cell phone with a passion.
Inability to count change is one of the main reasons I pulled my son out of his fourth grade class in the public school last month and am now homeschooling him. That, and the fact that he came home in February and informed me Martin Luther King Jr. freed the slaves, and Abe Lincoln was the first president, but that’s a whole different rant, one which I may start in a couple of days if I can gather the energy.
Cretin #11: People who stand around in a store, any store, and complain loudly that they can get their soda/aspirin/lawn chairs/dildoes/KY Jelly/whatever at store B. Then GO to store B and get the hell out of my way, you’re blocking the tampons and I really don’t want to have to kill you right now!
It’s not stolen if it’s given away. 
Enjoy it with my compliments.
A futile attempt to educate the walking vegetables follows: If you don’t know how much something is, then find out before you go to the checkout line. It’s not particularly fun to be stuck behind your dumb ass for TWENTY MINUTES while the checker calls in a price check, only to have you decide you don’t want the item after all. I don’t hit people, but that night I could have gladly beaten your ass with that propane cannister that you thought (I use the term loosely) you wanted.
OK, this doesn’t happen very often, but it’s annoying all the same.
Dear Mr. Friendly,
I appreciate your kind inqueries into my health and well being. However, allow me to suggest that you delay your attempts at conversation until I finish brushing my teeth.
Granted, I may be the target of somebody else’s wrath for performing so uncouth an activity in a workplace restroom, and I make every effort to avoid doing so. But on those rare occasions when I can’t get my act together in the morning, grant me the dignity of spitting and rinsing before attempting to engage me in social intercourse. Or any other type of intercourse, for that matter.
Thank you.
Ah, Fenris, thank you. I have a minor rant, and was pondering starting a whole new thread, but thankfully you have anticipated my needs.
And so, I submit:
Interesting Facts For Every Traveler.
Did you know?
While walking down the hallway to the soda machine, the average traveller passes 15 rooms! On average, at 12:30 AM, 3.6% of those rooms are occupied someone who is lying in bed with a roiling, acidy stomach, pondering the prospect of getting up at 6 AM to give a presentation.
Now, if you walk down the hall with a companion, hooting and screeching, the odds are an astounding 1 in 287 that one of those aforementioned nervous, sleepless travelers will levitate four feet into the air, spin around thrice widdershins, and come flying out their hotel room door, screaming obscenties, swooping down to wring the life out of whatever howling cretins they can lay hands on!
Can you, and your family, really afford to take that chance?
No.
So SHUT UP! Shut up, SHUT UP, for the LOVE OF GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Fun Science Fact!
Studies prove that, when overheard, whispering and giggling is actually 510% more annoying than speech delivered in a conversational tone!
Shopping carts in parking lots are my personal pet peeve…I swear to God people are just trying to piss me off! It seems as though every time I go to walmart, I come back to find a cart pointing at my car in every direction. Yes, I realize I have a cute car, and you’re incredibly jealous. But no, that doesn’t mean I want my paint job scratched to hell. It’s not cool.
And people who argue over petty change? Bite me. I had a lady years ago, back when I was a crew person, tell me I shorted her a dime. I probably did, so I looked around my register, didn’t have any extra change floating around. I didn’t feel like getting my manager, so I reached into my pocket, pulled out a quarter, and told her to keep the change. She actually came in to talk to my manager, because I was disrespecting her. You just can’t please some people!
Oh goody, a kvetch thread! Here’s my A-number-one ass chapper…impolite, impatient, self-absorbed sphincters who roll their eyes, tap their fingers and generally act annoyed when an obviously disabled person doesn’t complete a sales transaction at lightning speed. What is it with these people? A shot of common decency would send them into anaphylactic shock.
And while I’m at it. Vanilla, there are several reasons nursing homes smell like urine. Many of the residents are incontinent, most of them are understaffed (causing briefs to stack up at an alarming rate), some of the staff allow their charges to wallow around in messy drawers for many hours, uti’s are fairly common in the resident population, and many of the residents take medication that turn urine foul (just to name a few).