So says the inside of the Snapple cap I just opened. This brings up a number of questions, including why the hell I just drank 420 calories of Snapple, when I could have just had a nice cup of tea.
• WTF? Goldfish’s attention span?
• How exactly did they measure this? Bang on the bowl and yell, “Hey! Goldfish! Over here!”
• Did ALL the goldfish turn blankly away after three seonds, or is this an average? Which would hardly be fair to that one goldfish who sat there for minutes on end staring at the Snapple research team.
• How do they know the goldfish was indeed bored? Maybe it had better things to do, was depressed, or needed to check its laundry.
• What training goes into this? Did the Snapple people train or hire people with doctorates in goldfish-attention-getting? Or just some schmoes off the street who couldn’t keep a flounder’s attention, let alone a goldfish?
The Snapple Research Team and I welcome your input.