A History of Moostianity

Heaven help me, this was running through my head this morning when I woke up. I hope it doesn’t offend anyone, or at least offends everyone equally:

Moostianity originated from an earlier religion, still extant, known as Moodaism. Moodaism was distinguished from other early religions in that it was monomooistic. (For a history of polymooism, see the article titled Mooganism.) Moodaists, or Moos, follow the Moosaic Law revealed to them by the prophet Mooses.

The early Moostian Church was in danger of disintegrating into numerous splinter sects until the establishment of the Council of Mooce and the formulation of the Moocean Creed. Other philosophical direction for the early church came from such notable thinkers as St. Moogustine and St. Thomas Mooquinus.

Originally all Moostians were united in a single sect known as Romoon Mootholocism but at the latter part of the Remoosance the Protestant Reformootion took place. The start of the Reformootion is usually dated to Martin Moother nailing his 95 Mooses to the church door. During the Reformootion several other churches were established including the Mootherans, the Moothodists and the Mooptists. In England, King Henry the Mooth founded the Moonglican Church when the Mootholic Church refused to grant him a divorce.

Later other sects arose, notably the Mormoons (or Mooter-day Saints). Mormoonism was founded in New York in 1830 by Joseph Smooth. Smooth claimed to have translated the Book of Mormoon from gold plates buried in the Hill Cumoorah and shown to him by Angel Mooroni. Mormoons are noted for their adherence to a code of health known as the Word of Moosdom and their aggressive proselyting. Mormoons send young moossionaries into many countries, who go door-to-door seeking converts. In this respect they are similar to another sect known as Mootnesses.

Moostians generally regard Moonday as their day of worship but a few sects, notably the Seventh-Day Admoontists, still worship on the earlier Mooish sabbath, Saturday.

Some minor Moostian sects are sometimes referred to as cults. One such cult consists of the followers of one Reverend Moon. They are sometimes referred to as “Moonies”.

For information on other world religions see the listings for Mooslems and Mooddhism. Non-believers usually refer to themselves as Amooists, although some hold the opinion that they simply can’t know and call themselves Agmoostics. Some fundamental Moostians hold that Amooism and Agmoosticism are also religions and should be recognized as such. Sometimes this religion is called Secular Moomanism.

“Vandelay!! Say Vandelay!!”

I wish I had never heard of Imthecowgodmoo. This is all his fault.

As an aside, while I was typing this up we had a little power drop-out and my computer re-booted and I lost everything I had written. If I were superstitious I would assume I was being punished for blasphemy. Since I’m not I just won’t go out in any thunderstorms for a while.

“Vandelay!! Say Vandelay!!”

I can’t believe you misspelled Thomoos Mooquinas.

Any so-called History of Moostianity is specious without a discussion of the great medieval conflicts known as the Moosades, most notable the one led by Richard the Moosehearted against the Moohammedans that held the holy city of Moorusalem.


“Believe those who seek the truth.
Doubt those who find it.” --Andre Gide

And you didn’t even mention the profound beauty of the Blessed Trinity: The Bull, The Calf, and The Holy Bovine. Or the deep spiritual meaning of The Heifer Mary. Or the personification of all that is evil; Ronald MacDonald. And of course the most sacred moment of the faith, when the Messiah told his Herd, “This is my Milk. This is my Beef. Eat them in memory of me.” Truly, the symbolism of the Moostian Church holds meaning for us all, even non-believers.

I’ll bet Imthecowgodmoo has such a woody right now.

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

I thought Moonstiality was having sex with a moon.

Oh, wait, that’s Satan’s thread.

two words: Holy Cow

“I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”-- Calvin and Hobbes
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I was noticed by a Supreme Being! I’m not worthy! I’m not worthy!!

“Vandelay!! Say Vandelay!!”

Dear Cecil,
What does the “H.” stand for in “Jersey H. Cow!”?

You are all going to HEll! Once the Great Monkey God, Outshines hears about this he shall smite you with the heat of a thousand roast beef sandwiches!!!

Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Kyoko Baby,

Plato- You can get off your knees now, I can see that you have great admooration for this bovine diety.

Dr J- Geez, I thought everyone knew it is Jersey Heifer Cow!

“I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”-- Calvin and Hobbes
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yes, a’s look like u’s to me… sorry 'bout that pluto!

“I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”-- Calvin and Hobbes
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It’s all bullst. The One Troo** Religion is Moostafarianism.

After all, it’s the only faith that recognizes grass as the food of the Gods.

Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine

I thought you were a Supreme Being. Now I’m confused. What are you, a small planet or Mickey Mouse’s dog?

Shiva H. Vishnu :slight_smile:


“You know how complex women are”

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

And what about this damned government cheese? Separation of church and state my ass!

And the problem with small furry animals
in corners is that, just occasionally,
one of them’s a mongoose.
Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

Cows don’t make cheese, people make cheese.

Naw, I’m just the vice-president in charge of evil in a large pantheon. The head guy is Moopiter (or, for you Greeks, Meus). For more information, read up on Greek and Roman moothology.

“Vandelay!! Say Vandelay!!”