I see you also are unfamiliar with LiveJournal. There are PLENTLY of people there to pimp it to. And the entire website is dedicated to things such as the OP.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but it doesn’t seem to me that the OP has asked for any advice, either explicitly or implicitly. In fact, he states that he’s helping himself by thinking aloud.
And, really, what advice is there to offer? He’s gotten out of an unsatisfactory relationship. I can’t see that commenting on his description of his relationship would be helpful, especially since neither party comes off looking good. On the other hand, there doesn’t seem to be any specific misbehaviour on either party’s part to get outraged about.
A break up is nothing in the larger scheme of things. There are people who can’t afford health insurance, who are getting kicked out of their homes, who have cancer and well you get the idea.
Letting someone wallow in self-pity is not a good thing. I would suggest the book by Dale Carnagie, “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living,” this is an oldie but goodie.
It basically says when life does you wrong, you can cry about it or you can DO something about it. Then it shows you how to do something constructive about it.
It’s not saying you don’t have the right to feel bad, everyone does, but you can’t let that ruin you, even for a day, cause in reality it’s probably a lot later than you think and the quicker you get over it the better
Good luck
pssh.
At least you had a relationship once. Some of us get to go through life knowing that no member of the opposite sex will ever want anything to do with them.
Things could always be worse.
Oh, see what you’ve drawn out of the woodwork?
mookie, I feel for you, I really do, but you need to get help, or at the very least, stop whining about it. Seriously. Wallowing like this isn’t going to help you AT ALL.
Considering what you’re dealing with, the LAST thing you need right now is a relationship. Please, talk to your doctor. Okay? Good luck.
Markxxx, enough with the whole, “shut up, there are people who have it waaaay worse,” schtick.
Hey, why not? It’s about as effective as everything else I tried.
Why not? Because we’re not your therapists. And I’m going to be blunt – because most of us are tired of hearing about it.
Getting a girlfriend isn’t magically going to solve everything. And this is going to sound nasty, but maybe it will finally get through to you: no girl is going to want to be with someone who doesn’t care enough about himself to GET HELP in the first place.
Now, go get help. But if you can’t be arsed to do that, then that’s not our problem.
I’ve been getting help for over a year now. They don’t want to be with me regardless of how much I care about myself.
But I’ll shut up now.
wopapers, nothing you can do but let her go. Stuff like that happens for a reason.
How successful are you, Guinastasia, at having romantic relationships? For really real?
Don’t be “blunt.” Heal thyself.
When come back, bring boyfriend.
People post about their personal problems in MPSIMS all the time just to vent and to ask for support. I don’t see how this OP is any different.
Exactly.
And besides, I didn’t see even a hint of “shut up” in Markxxx’s post. In fact, I thought it was considerate and helpful in tone, and would be helpful in fact should the OP find himself able to follow it.
And I don’t see anything out of the ordinary about wopaper’s post; there’ve been jillions of similar ones here over the years.
Damn, this OP has stirred up passion here on the Dope!
Sorry you’re disappointed and hurt. It sounds like you guys had a good arrangement for a bit and both got what you were seeking for a time. Now she wants something different so she is moving on. Now you can move on, too.
Attraction is a funny thing and sometimes hard to define. I don’t really see anyone as the bad guy here. Your arrangement just doesn’t seem to fit anymore and now you both want different things. Try not to dwell on what went wrong (easy for me to say) and think about what you’re looking for in a new relationship (if that’s what you want) and make yourself available for that person and unavailable for musing about relationships past.
That’s nice. The OP posted his OP to “think out loud” not ask for support. MPSIMS is nice, but LiveJournal would fit his post like a glove. I’m not telling him to leave - I’m telling him there’s another resource out there that would fit his stated needs perfectly.
I wasn’t trying to give him relationship advice so much as advice on how he should get help for his depression and low self-esteem. And I may not be the best to give advice on relationships, but I do know depression.
So right back at you.
Thanks to everyone for the constructive comments
and to the others – thanks for a little distraction. 
So I went over last week to exchange the last of our
possessions and it was tough.
Either she’s a very good actor or there’s no love lost here.
She was very upbeat with her new nails to show me, etc.
She is avoiding me in the circles we still frequent. I had
told her I needed that too. But she could have been more
gracious when I said “If there’s anything … you know how to
reach me” instead of pulling the “I can take care of myself” card,
she could have said “thanks” and just left it at that.
I mentioned my ongoing fear of her retirement and she pointed out
that I had created a self fulfilling prophecy.
I think I’m coming away from this realizing how important communication is.
They are right. I think if I had been more forthcoming we would have
split up sooner (which is what I feared)
But she might have taken a different approach to helping me that wasn’t so bitchy and nagging.
It dawned on me that she didn’t keep her nagging about eating private when we were at dinner parties.
And on the last trip people were telling me that I was taking too much from her.
Which begs the question: even though I like a strong directive woman how can I balance it?
As for me I’m having good days and bad days, good moments and bad moments.
There was a panic attack of sorts today. It has to do with being home alone
on the weekend watching CBS Sunday Morning instead sharing it there with her.
But I’m good. Got out dancing Friday and bumped into a lot of friends from
the club we belong to (at a different club’s venue.) Got to slow dance twice
with one woman that is on my short list! Did a 5 mi hike Saturday and then
did an extra (non-scheduled) day of weight toning that exhausted me.
I’m getting to see and do a lot of things she refused. Plus I’m exercising
more and as I could predict (wait for it) I think I’m already losing weight!!
Part of the self fulfilling vision.
Now if I could only have a self fulfilling vision of my other issue which is
the downsizing and house selling so that I can really enjoy this retirement.
That is one thing that I learned from all this — that I can enjoy my retirement
and see and do things.
The odd thing about getting out and doing is that a lot of this is during the
weekdays when I could have been doing this anyway because we lived apart
and I was free to do what I wanted then. BUT I DIDN’T!
I don’t know why. Was I restricting myself for the relationship, losing my
“self” in it? Or was I that depressed that I couldn’t move beyond the
routines I had already taken up and established before and early on in
the relationship?
More grist for the mill.
thanks again!
So now she UN -friend ed me on Facebook. What’s up with that?
We agreed to stay friends and everything because we belong to the same
social club.
It saddens me And I don’t know if I’ll ever get an explanation.
She unfriended you on Facebook because she wants to make a clean break.
If someone I had recently broken up with said “If there’s anything you need, you know how to reach me,” I would have taken that as an attempt to keep open the possibility of (a) getting back together, or at least (b) sleeping with me. She said “I can take care of myself” because she wants to tell you firmly and definitively that it’s over.
I’m glad you’re getting out, socialising and exercising – I always find that exercise helps me feel better when I’m blue.
Yup. She doesn’t want to see what you’re up to, and doesn’t want you to see what she’s up to. And I’m suspecting her definition of “stay friends” is “be cordial to you when you’re in the same room.”
Well I just finished a counseloring session in which I think I made a jump
ahead in getting over my X and seeing things in a better light.
With all the stuff I’ve written (I think) I missed an underlying thing about me that I was ignoring throughout the relationship.
I want a lasting relationship through thick or thin. I wasn’t going to get it with her. It was strickly “keep up with me, make me laugh or else.”
So maybe I pushed to the limit to see.
She wanted a fun traveling guy but doesn’t want to have the sometimes down side of a relationship where you need to work out the problems.
Or unbeknownst to me she was tired of it becoming always down and not trying to jolt me out of it.
(I always felt that if I got really sick - like the Big C - she’d be gone in a flash.)
So it’s easy for me now to say: “I want a GF like her but better” meaning someone that will know my downsides and support me.
And I can move on now and forget about her knowing true love can be in my future if I just love myself and not rush into the first thing that comes along.