I know this is going to sound really odd, but I just wanted to ask all of you Dopers out there to send out some love to a friend of mine. Her name is Carynn and a cousin that she was really close to just died after being in a motorcycle accident.
I know that you all really know how to make someone feel better, you certainly helped me out when I was going through some really tough times with Danny. So could you please help me out with Carynn? I want to make her feel better, but I get the feeling that you’ll know how to say it so much nicer, besides it’s always nice to know that someone cares, even if you don’t know who they are.
My best advice (and it’s nothing stellar, having come from a 4-hour thinking day):
Be there for her when she needs it, and be elsewhere when she wants to be alone.
Give her control over her life. Not having control screws with yer mind.
I’m trying to think of more, but what I’d have to say would turn into a long essay about how not to generalize about people. So I’ll say this: think about what she wants instead of what any old person might want. Example: she hates flowers. Ergo, don’t give her flowers for a week.
Kinda brainless stuff, I know, but this is what you get when I have to write the same paper twice in one day. Damned computers.
Maybe scratch her back, something like that. It’s soothing when someone pays personal attention to you, and they don’t need you to talk. Maybe it would help her relax and grieve well.
Am not good at giving my condolances and tend to keep myself in check, but I am most sorry to hear of Carynn’s loss. iampunha has the right idea, be there for her, pad your shoulder so that it better supports her head if you need to. Don’t be flippant, but in a few days, see if you can help her with a little humor, not a lot, but to help her remember good times with the cousin (This assumes you also knew said cousin). But most of all, be a willing ear to hear the pain and selfguilt, and help her catharsize it, don’t let her dwell on it though.