A Lucky Break for Mister Splashy Pants

Japan agrees not to hunt humpback whales.


“No hunt, but if they drift against our harpoons, what are we to do?”

I want so much to be the first person to make a Whale Probe joke, but I just can’t think of one.

Way to be, Mr. Splashy Pants! I wonder if it’ll actually be followed, though.

Well, Iceland’s stopped hunting whales.

“The whaling industry, like any other industry, has to obey the market.”

This is a novel position for Iceland’s government-subsidized whaling industry to take. Refreshing!


It probably won’t be followed – not strictly, anyway. The moratorium on humpbacks will just make them more desirable – and more valuable, two conditions the Asian market never ignores. A few convenient excuses can handily take care of that. “We didn’t know it was a humpback until it was already speared.” “What, that ship? That isn’t ours.” “It was dead when we got there. We couldn’t let it go to waste could we?”

He’s not dead. He’s resting. He’s stunned. He’s tired and shagged out after a prolonged “eeeeeeeeek!”

Damn. There go my plans for starting a Mr. Splashypants Whaleburger franchise. “Mr. Splashypants’. Where every day is hump day.”

You should team up with Mr. Krabs’s Krabbie Patties, it’d be great.

(I seem to recall there being a kerfluffle earlier over Hayden Panettiere having an arrest warrant out for her in Japan for protesting the whale hunt. Save the cheerleader, save the whales?)

Mmmm. She hot.

She makes you a Mr. Splashypants then too?

I’ve got a harpoon I’d like to show her. “Thar she blows!”