A mild pitting of CVS brand hand soap

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So mild, in fact, that it’s going right to MPSIMS.

CVS, what in the fargin’ darn you to heck bullpoop bottomhole is up with your damned hand soap? Let’s forget for now that the pleasant green apple fragrance is actually somewhere between the noxious chemical stink of third-rate dipilatory and elephant’s ass. Let’s focus on the dispenser.

I bought two containers of this stuff a couple of months ago. On the first one, the pump stuck a bit. Normally, a gentle push on the pump yields a gentle oozing of soap, and I can get exactly the amount I want. But not this pump. Oh no, this one sticks just enough so that a good amount of pressure is needed to push it down at all. Enough pressure, in fact, that by the time it actually goes down, soap shoots out at such a velocity that it misses my receiving hand and lands squarely on my crotch. It looks as though I have a leaky soap-filled bladder whose contents smell somewhere between the noxious chemical stink of third-rate dipilatory and elephant’s ass.

A pox on your pump.

But last night I finished that container and started a new one. Joy of joys! No more Mr. Soapy Pants. Yay!

I tried to release the pump by giving it the customary twist. I twisted. And twisted. And twisted. For a good 15 minutes I twisted. (And all this time, of course, I had yucky and disgusting substances on my hands.) And the damned thing never did pop up. At one point I was trying to pry it up with a butter knife, pull it up with my teeth, and smash it against the counter. I even (so help me og) tried reasoning with it. No luck. It was born broken.

Eventually it dawned on me to pull the old container out of the trash and put its faulty but nominally functional pump on the new bottle. Welcome back, Mr. Soapy Pants.

(Yes, it occurs to me to place my receiving hand in a more strategic location while dispensing the soap, thus avoiding the projectile effect. It occurs to me about .003 seconds after once again looking like I was trying to impregnate a green apple tree.)

CVS, your dispenser pumps suck. Reminds me of years ago when I bought a bottle of CVS brand hand lotion. I put the lotion on my hands by removing the pump and wiping the intake tube on them.

2

Subversion brand hand soap is just so much better. Especially the kind that comes in the tortoise-shaped dispenser.

Hooray for Mr. Soapy Pants, anyway.

3

I’ll look for that. I’m done with buying CVS brand squirt products. The fine hand-crafted pumps don’t show the kind of workmanship that I have come to expect from such a fine merchant.

4

What you do is get the green elephant’s ass soap on your crotch and then wander into CVS and ask the pharmacist if he has any ideas on how to keep that stuff from coming out of your crotch.

“Its just happening at random times, do you think I have a disease?”

5

I think I just might do this. :slight_smile:

6

:smiley:

Don’t try too hard.

Okay, spoiling the joke…
[ul]
[li]CVS [/li][li]Subversion is better[/li][/ul]

7

I should have put a smiley on my post.

Also, the “tortoise-shaped” container (which is an incredibly good shell extension, but Windows-only):

TortoiseSVN