This. Especially if it’s known that it’s not just a daily log like flatlined keeps but an actual diary with private thoughts. My journal ranges from unfiltered ranting to fiction scenarios to boring “this is what happened today” and it is for me alone. Asking to read it (again, with the understanding that it’s that sort of journal and not a book of poetry or something) would set off alarm bells for me.*
Hee hee.
*Full disclosure: I am getting out of a relationship with someone who would regularly go through my phone and emails, so I might be especially touchy about this.
I can think of very few questions that would be a deal breaker in and of themself (maybe “Want to join me on my next killing spree?”). Asking pretty much anything is perfectly acceptable to me. When asked a question like the one in the OP I am most likely to respond with a question of my own - “Why would you ask that?”. The motivation for asking the question is what I base relationship decisions on.
Unless we’re living through a Plague Year, or it’s 1942 and I’m hiding behind a bookcase, or I am 13 and 3/4 years old, the red flag is mainly that this person apparently wants to read what is likely to be the most mind-numbingly boring drivel available on this planet. Why on earth would they want to read that?! They are clearly a total freak. They need to be committed asap. Have they definitely read all of the Decline and Fall, because they should probably finish that before starting on the Gracer Chronicles.
I do not keep a diary. My life is pretty fun, but even just writing a journal would probably make my eyeballs bleed from boredom, let alone reading it.
I don’t keep a journal, but if I did, I don’t think I’d even let my husband see it. Not that I was keeping secrets from him exactly, but when I did journal, I would sometimes rant or whine just to get things out of my system. I’d hate to have ranted about some insignificant thing that I’d long since forgotten and have him get his feeling hurt about it.
Today I noticed that my left big toenail grows faster than my right big toenail! Seriously, it’s slightly longer! I’m not lying!!! I always clip them both at the same time, so what’s up with that?!
Oh well, I guess I’d better go for now. Talk to you again tomorrow!!! :)
I have kept a journal and it was deeply personal and private and I would not have shared it with anyone, but I’m not sure I would go off the deep end of outrage if someone who knew I kept it had asked to read it.
I really think it makes a difference how and in what context the person asks to read it. Is it playful and joking, knowing the answer will be no? Is it wistful, hoping to convey a message that the asker wants to get to know the writer better, but doesn’t really expect to read her most private and intimate thoughts? Or is it just a clueless overstepping of boundaries?
And, to muddy the waters, I’ll share this little story. I was driving across Canada and had stopped at one of the rest areas somewhere in Saskatchewan to let my dogs out for a pee and stretch my legs. There was one other person there - a guy riding a motorcycle and we struck up a conversation. We were chatting and he told me he was keeping a journal of his ride across Canada. This was pre-internet, so his journal was the old-fashioned notebook kind. He asked if I wanted to read it and then presented it to me. It was a bit weird - it was quite personal. I didn’t read much, just enough to say wow, cool, thanks for sharing, but I guess it suggests that not everyone who journals does so with the expectation that no one else will ever read it.
Not a dealbreaker, but I wouldn’t show him/her the journal.
That’s way too early to even be asking such a question. Even if the journal was laying out, they shouldn’t ask. I don’t even let my husband of 6 years read my journal. It’s my private book for my thoughts only, If I wanted him to read it I wouldn’t have written it in a journal (It’s labeled journal) I would have written it in a notebook that I leave out where people can see it. I have a journal from when I was a teenager that I have showed to him though.
My reaction was the same as yours - “what the hell - way over the line creepy! I’d be pissed if my husband of 20 years wanted to read my journal” (which I don’t keep because I don’t want people to read). But then - my creepometer is set to be very sensitive compared to many other peoples.
I’ve never asked, but a girl in college did give me hers to read once. We even discussed it a bit. All up until it got the place where I believe it was going to talk about her losing her virginity, when she pulled it out of my hands. All I saw was about it being a special night with her boyfriend.
We went on to play the MASH game for some reason after that.
It would be a dealbreaker with me. My journal is very personal to me and sometimes what I write in it is for emotional release of rather intense feelings. Even my husband knows that is a do not do issue. I honestly think I would divorce him if he violated my privacy like that without an exceptional reason (life or death).
