A product that COMPLETELY fails

Enzyte.

[QUOTE=Squeaker Snow]
Those “steam” things that are supposed to blast mildew/dirt/grime/etc. off of tile, etc. I bought one off of one of the tv shopping channels a few years ago and the darned thing didn’t work at all the way it did on tv.

Also those thing-y’s that are supposed to break up soil for your garden with the twist of a wrist. Only if the ground has already been toiled… :rolleyes:

But, I’m sure that other people will say that they are the greatest things since sliced bread. That’s just been my experience.
[/QUOTE]

Even if it works, you’re doing 6 inch diameter spots one at a time for a garden. No thanks. Next they’ll want me to use a spoon to dig post holes.

[QUOTE=Squeaker Snow]

Also those thing-y’s that are supposed to break up soil for your garden with the twist of a wrist. Only if the ground has already been toiled… :rolleyes:

[/QUOTE]

Bolding mine… that’s just an incredibly appropriate misspeak.

Nair for legs. Either I have extra super leg hair, or I don’t have the patience to leave it on for the extreme amount of time required (who has 20 minutes to stand around with caustic on their legs?), but it didn’t do a thing for me. Back to shaving.

I have a suggestion for the suction cup’s replacement - I had similar failures with mine. I eventually found a caddy that came with 3M Command adhesive that was made for wet environments. That one stayed up for three years loaded with heavy things like shampoo bottles. It came down cleanly when we moved. They’ve got a soap dish.

[QUOTE=DianaG]
I’ve tried every bathroom cleaner and method known to man, including just spraying undiluted bleach and letting it sit. My grout is still mildew-stained. Also, I’ve never been able to use a bottle of Soft Scrub more than two or three times before the nozzle became hopelessly clogged.
[/QUOTE]

Have you tried “Scrub Free Mold and Mildew”? That stuff is miraculous. Or even “The Works” for tubs? Both are really, really good.

Or have you tried covering the grout with tissues or paper towels and pouring the bleach on to that, so that it sits there the entire time rather than just running away?

Pasta Express

I bought one on a whim for $9.99.

Problem #1- Getting a very tight lid onto a cylindrical tube of boiling hot water can be hazardous.
Problem #2- It never cooked the pasta thouroughly. Boiling hot water cools rapidly even in a sealed tube. It just didn’t work.
Problem #3- Exactly what is the point? You need to add boiling water to the tube. What are you boiling the water in? A pot maybe? So why not skip the tube and just add the pasta to the pot?

I sold it at a my garage sale for $5 after using it once.

The Diaper Genie.

My then-wife and I bought one when we had two kids in diapers. It was supposed to provide a sanitary, odor-free way to stow poopy diapers without having to take the trash out six times a day. It did this by sealing each diaper into a long string of what basically looked like sausage links, with the idea that it would be airtight.

Worst device ever. It wasn’t airtight enough to conceal the fact that the diapers fermented shockingly quickly, and the room the Genie was in took on an indescribably horrible smell within less than a day of being emptied. After a miserable two weeks with the Genie, we found a better, cheaper way: wrapping each individual shitbomb in a plastic shopping bag from the grocery store, tying it off, and throwing it into the regular trash, which we then took out daily whether it was full or not.

[QUOTE=wheresgeorge04]
Just now, I nearly had a heart attack because my wife’s little suction-cup soap dish one again fell off the wall, clattering around in the tub. All it is supposed to do is stick to the shower wall and hold soap, yet it fails utterly.

[/QUOTE]

Those things never work. It’s so freakin’ annoying too. All I want is a soap dish that sticks to the fucking wall. Is that too much to ask?

Cat litter box liners.

Claws. Paper-thin plastic.

You do the math.

[QUOTE=FairyChatMom]
I can’t remember the name of the product now, but there’s an ad on TV about something that provides “extra ions” or some such silliness. My husband and I snark about it all the time.
[/QUOTE]

Is it those Japanese detoxing footpads? With the little arrows-and-circles that highlight the “parasites” and “heavy metals” that it’s pulled out of your feet like the roots of a tree?

For me, it’s any form of non-waxing hair removal system. I’ve tried depillatories. I’ve tried home electrolysis. I’ve tried laser hair removal. Nada. For what I’ve spent on that waste of time, money and pain pills I could’ve been waxed every month for 30 years.

I mean, )don’t get it! I’ve been diluting…and diluting this crap (it should work better)-and it still doesn’t work! Or should I just drink ocean water?

Anything affiliated with Kevin Trudeau.

And my 3 iron. My 3 iron never works the way it’s supposed to. :wink:

[QUOTE=OneCentStamp]
The Diaper Genie.
<snip>
Worst device ever.
[/QUOTE]
Really? We were fairly content with the job it did but, like you, first wrapped each poo serving in saved plastic grocery bags before adding a link to Satan’s sausage and that seemed to work okay… that and still emptying it every day or two. I always felt like Jim from Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom carrying that fecal deathsnake out to the trash.

Nothing beats the cutter on platic wrap boxes as an example of complete product failure.
Why put it on the box at all? The wrap just stretches and then breaks with no relation to the cutter at all. And then it sticks to itself and when you try to unstick it, you get all frustrated, roll it into a ball and chuck it.
Then you try to rip off another length (maybe it’ll work this time). But of course it doesn’t.

They probably sell a lot of extra plastic wrap because of the cutter, though.

[QUOTE=lieu]
Really? We were fairly content with the job it did but, like you, first wrapped each poo serving in saved plastic grocery bags before adding a link to Satan’s sausage and that seemed to work okay… that and still emptying it every day or two. I always felt like Jim from Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom carrying that fecal deathsnake out to the trash.
[/QUOTE]
And, see, that probably would have worked for us - note that we ended up using the plastic grocery bags as well. But essentially double-bagging the diapers (once with the bag, then into the Genie) seemed like more work and a failure to deliver on the Genie’s impied promise.

[QUOTE=ChiefScott]
Nothing beats the cutter on platic wrap boxes as an example of complete product failure.
Why put it on the box at all? The wrap just stretches and then breaks with no relation to the cutter at all. And then it sticks to itself and when you try to unstick it, you get all frustrated, roll it into a ball and chuck it.
Then you try to rip off another length (maybe it’ll work this time). But of course it doesn’t.

They probably sell a lot of extra plastic wrap because of the cutter, though.
[/QUOTE]

I recently discovered that the angle at which you tear off the plastic wrap has a huge effect on how easy it is, and how much it folds back on itself.

Flea collars.
OTC cough medicine.

[QUOTE=Otto]
Is it those Japanese detoxing footpads? With the little arrows-and-circles that highlight the “parasites” and “heavy metals” that it’s pulled out of your feet like the roots of a tree?

[/QUOTE]

Saw the ad for those things last night. My husband says “But they aren’t allowed to make fake claims, are they?” I reminded him about all the crap stuff he’s bought from infomercials.

Tylenol. (as a pain killer)