I have a question, a friend of mine says that the idea of keep thinking about to good things so that bad things happen to us less, works for her in the opposite way, she says that " I visualize the worst case then a less severe one happens to me". Why is she like this? and she wants to know why this way works for her. Please feel free to ask me to explain more. Thanks a lot.
Example of her experience:
She was supposed to have an injection to her body. few days prior to the appointment, she kept visualizing that they are killing her by this injection, she pictured the pain such a severe and a killing one. To her surprise on the event day at doctor’s she just somehow cried and moaned a little so that the doctor was surprised why she didn’t shout and scream like the other patients. and doctor kept asking her " don’t you have any sharp pain?" , which she replied “not that much”.
another example: if she wants to get up early when she is tired out, she doesn’t need to keep thinking and saying to herself that " oh it’s nothing, I’ll be get up as early as I want, I’ll be relaxed in the morning and all my tiredness will be vanished through the thin air" . . . and suchlike. And, quite the contrary, she only says to herself "Oh how tired and heavy I am as if they’ve put the whole universe’ weight on my shoulder, I’m extremely tired and I will definitely oversleep and . . . such negative ones.
But thinking and visualizing this way, she will be able to get up early or early enough which she wants to do !
It’s interesting for me that things are working for her in the opposite way.
So, any justification, reasons or explanation for this?
I’m ready to go and study as many references as you may wish to introduce me for studying the reasons of this issue.
So are you asking why more positive outcomes are happening for her than she imagines?
It’s pretty obvious, she’s imagining the very worst cast possibility, probably less than a 1/10 of 1% chance of happening. It would be like me imagining that when I get my paycheck in a couple of weeks my employer will have cut my paycheck by 99% because I am doing such a terrible job. And voila the full amount of my paycheck appears in my account.
Or on my way home, I imagine that when I get home my wife will have left me for the waiter at the restaurant we frequent, because she like the smell of his cologne more than mine. But to my surprise, she’s there and welcomes me home with a kiss!
This is a cognitive behavioral therapy technique, I believe. Stating the worse case scenario allows you to kinda step back and assess how unlikely it is to occur, while simultaneously allowing you to to brace yourself just in case it does.
I think people suffering from social anxiety should get in the habit of imagining that strangers really are thinking the worst about them. What if they really are laughing at your big butt? What if they really think you are stupid or ugly? Now, how does this change anything? How do the thoughts of people you aren’t going to see again really affect you? This kind of thinking has helped me to deal with my own social insecurities.
I find this strategy more effective than assuring someone that no one is noticing them. First off, no one can really know this. I know I sometimes notice people who stick out, and sometimes I might even think negative things about them too. Am I the only one who does this? No, of course not. There are folks who live to notice trivial things. And then secondly, it gives credence to the idea that strangers’ opinions matter. They only matter when you need to make good first impression. Otherwise, why worry that the grocery store clerk knows you’re on your period or that you need extra small condoms? If a person isn’t signing your paycheck or keeping you warm at night, fuck them and their stupid opinions!
Embrace the idea that the world hates you but you’re gonna be okay anyway. Only then can you be free.
Since childhood, I’ve recognized that the worst case scenario that is at the foremost of my mind is the outcome that never happens. I don’t experience things like the OP’s friend does, but when it comes to stress management, the principle seems to work for me.
What this means is that when I find myself stressing about some uncertainty, I will take comfort in reminding myself that my worst fear never comes true. It’s as if as soon as a scary prospect takes hold in my imagination, it disqualifies itself from happening. When I find myself doubting this, I remind myself of all the years the theory worked.
Remember the test you thought would totally cause you to flunk out of physics, causing you to lose your scholarship? That didn’t happen.
Remember when you couldn’t get a hold of your sister and you were convinced she was lying in a ditch somewhere? That didn’t happen.
Remember when you made that stupid typo and thought it would cost you a job? That didn’t happen.
Of course, being a fallible human being, my mind conveniently forgets all those times when my worst fears did come true. In times of stress and worry, the theory is absolute; I cling to it like a religion, I tell you.
I do this all the time, and it really works. Assume that the bad thing will happen, and when it does, you’re prepared. Assume the good thing will, and you set yourself up for disappointment.
Over the last 30 years since the publication of “I’m Ok, You’re OK” our culture has developed a belief in positive thinking. Well ok, Dale Carnegie was there first but his philosophy was unselfish and gentle.
However there are recent studies which show that negative thinking (but not catastrophic thinking) has a solid base in evolutionary psychology. A person who perceives risk and unhappy consequences is much safer to have around.
Lawyers for example would be useless as sunny optimists who blithely ignored risks for their client. Instead lawyers have to be “dark hat” thinkers who assume the worst and then steer the client safely past the shoals and reefs of outrageous fortune.
Anticipating bad results is a mental armour to withstand them. And when everything works out, the person is relieved and delighted. Not too much downside and plenty of upside.
Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst. What happens will most probably lie between the two. If you believe that thinking about something makes it more likely to happen, think about good things, positive outcomes, but do not blind yourself to reality. A severely negative outlook is often a symptom of a deeper malady, such as depression. Almost everyone I know needs someone to listen to them, to help them understand what is going on around them. Many of us only seek out counseling when our lives are in tatters, never stopping to think that counseling might help prevent that from happening.
I think there is a bit of a difference between Dale Carnegie suggesting positive actions to win friends and influence people and the sort of ra! ra! cheerleedery groupthink that pervades corporate America and politics. The first is really a guide to doing things to make you likeable vs being a jerk. The second is an almost cult like devotion to a cause or activity that doesn’t allow you to step back and anticipate or react to problems or evaluate if you should be doing it in the first place. IMHO it’s a result of a culture where decisionmakers are largely removed from the consequences of their decisions.
Better to be a pessimist. If something good happens, you enjoy it. If something bad happens you gloat that you were right. IOW: heads I win, tails I win.
Contrast with the optimist: If something good happens, you enjoy it and the sense of being right. If something bad happens, you suffer the double whammy of being harmed and of being wrong. It’s either feast or famine; win double-good or lose double-bad.
I do the same thing, always dwelling on the worst-case scenario. It’s not a choice, I can’t help it. I worry about things, and I obsess about a lot of things until there is a definitive outcome.
For instance, yesterday one of my dogs ate rat poison that was sitting out on a parkway on our street. She’s being treated, and is appears healthy right now, but I keep worrying, as the vet said it can take a few days for symptoms to appear. I’m a basket case, but my husband is convinced she’ll be just fine. I wish I could be optimistic like he is, because it’s hard to function normally when you’re always worrying.
