A registered sex offender moved in near my house. What, if anything, should I do?

Great Debates
41

[QUOTE=Ca3799]
I have one on my street whose crime involved child pornography and a computer- I don’t know alot more. He moved here about 2 years ago. I told the kids that the guy had been in trouble with the police for being mean to kids and they were to avoid him at all costs.

Anyway, I thought I was better off developing some kind of teaching plan for my kids. I cruised websites and read books about child safety and learned about what to teach and not teach kids. Finding out how users/abusers work is very important in teaching kids what to avoid. Also, check you library for “Laura Recovery Seminars” or other child safety programs.

I have done several things with my children since the were small such as teach them early on that it is OK to say “no” to adults, that they do not have to kiss or hug people if they don’t want to, and that any area covered by a bathing suit was a private area.

It surprises me how many people teach kids to never say “no” to a grown up or force them to have physical contact with people.

I also play a teaching game I made up called “The Safety Game” where there are some basic rules and then I make up scenarios and ask the kids what they would they in such a situation. (This game should be age appropriate fun, and not scary.)

Some rules: Kids can’t go with anyone (known or unknown) without permission from mom or dad. Grownups don’t need help from children. Never get closer than a bicycle distance from a car.

An example would be a scenario where a man or woman at they playground asks the child to help find a lost puppy. The lesson is that the children can not go with anyone without permission from mom or dad and that grownups don’t need help from children.

Another scenario is that or a man or woman in a car would stop and ask for directions. Lesson: grownups don’t need help from children. Don’t get closer than a bicycle distance from a car.

Another thing I did was tell the kids that if someone ever offered them money to keep a secret, I would pay double to tell.

My kids are 10 and 11 now and I haven’t “played” this game in a while, but this thread reminds me that perhaps a refresher would be good. I have some notes about it somewhere. I should find them and update.
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I’m quoting your entire post because it says, better than I ever could, what I was thinking the whole time reading this thread.

I think the biggest danger of the “sexual offender” registries is that it makes people focus on the convicted person (even when they may be no threat to small children), and forget that their kids are statistically in more danger from relatives, friends, and coaches.

Given that fact, general inoculation against molestation and abuse seems much more prudent than focusing on one particular person.

42

[QUOTE=Flea]
When I studied psych in college, my professor was specialized in Violence and Gender Studies, and he used to tell us (repeatedly) that there was nothing, no kind of treatement proven to stop a pedophile from engaging in his chosen form of abuse short of drugging him into impotence or waiting for old age to cause natural impotence. That’s always stayed with me. I wish I knew what studies he was referring to.
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Sounds like your professor was sadly misinformed.

43

I’ll add my voice to the other Dopers who mentioned that abuse is most likely to happen within the immediate family/friends - also within the “circle of authority” (teachers, priests, coaches, but really for a young enough kid any grown-up he’s familiar with)…

basically, if one of Your Adults, who you know are supposed to protect you, does something that doesn’t feel right, it can be very difficult to react appropiately (defend yourself, tell other adults coherently).

Being a neigbor will bring this guy within your kids’ list of “known grown-ups.” You should teach them about boundaries and make sure that they know any problems they go to you with are taken seriously, but not just about “this guy,” in fact you shouldn’t single him out (at least in my case, that would have automatically led to wondering wtf was so special about him) - don’t do what my parents’ did once and be the only parents who did not file a complaint about a certain teacher after unacceptable touching of 1/4 of my class (my parents felt that as secretaries of the PTA they “could not be seen to take sides,” you can imagine what side that put them on for me and how much I trusted them after that, I was one of the kids who’d been touched).

There’s no need for pitchforks and bonfires. But there is need for your kids to know it’s OK to set their own boundaries and that they have grown-ups they can rely on.

44

I have also always heard that sexual offenders (especially pedophiles) are more likely to repeat than other criminals, and that there is no proven effective treatment. I would be glad to know if this is not true. I see people claiming this is a lie, does anyone have a link to credible studies proving otherwise?

45

[QUOTE=Velma]
does anyone have a link to credible studies proving otherwise?
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It’s not a study, but an interesting article.

46

One thing I should add, though I don’t have an actual cite, is that therapy works. People have claimed “They’ve tried aversion therapy, and it doesn’t work. Therefore no therapy works.” The fallacy of this claim, of course, is that not all therapy is of the aversion type.

I can’t find a link on it, but I understand that empathy therapy was tried in Vermont, and it had an excellent success rate. Since nearly every abuser was once abused, getting them to talk about the pain they once experienced got them to understand the pain they were inflicting. The problem with this therapy was that the prison guards who were required to be present were getting traumatized by the things they heard, and so the program was discontinued.

Absolutely no cite on that last bit.

47

from your article:
"Studies that tracked groups of sex offenders over their lifetimes found that 52 percent of diagnosed pedophiles who molested boys committed another sex crime while nearly 40 percent of rapists who targeted adult women offended again, according to the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abuse. "

While it does show that some types of sexual offenders have a good chance of being rehabilitated, it seems to support the idea that rehabbing a true pedophile is very difficult. However the re-offender stats are lower than I expected. So it does appear that the “once an active sex offender, always an active sex offender” idea is not necessarily true, and that is encouraging. Still, without being able to tell what type the flagged person is, or what kind of treatment they have had, the risks are still high enough that I would be wary, and certainly not comfortable enough to let my child be around them. It seems that while it may be more likely that a child is molested by a known friend or family member, those who do prey on strangers are the most likely to re-offend.

No need to go get the torches, but I would want to know.

They should be more discriminating about who is required to register, IMO, but I admit it is a tricky subject. Just knowing someone is registered is not really useful information, and requires people to assume the worst when it comes to their kids.

48

[QUOTE=Velma]
Still, without being able to tell what type the flagged person is, or what kind of treatment they have had, the risks are still high enough that I would be wary, and certainly not comfortable enough to let my child be around them.
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Well, yeah, and I wouldn’t blame you. I’m just trying to dispell the 100% recidivism, 0% effective treatment myth. A myth that is being taught even at the university level. In psychology class, no less.

49

[QUOTE=tdn]
Well, yeah, and I wouldn’t blame you. I’m just trying to dispell the 100% recidivism, 0% effective treatment myth. A myth that is being taught even at the university level. In psychology class, no less.
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True enough. I find it encouraging that some treatments seem to be helpful. If everyone just writes them off as completely hopeless, then society as a whole is worse off for it. That doesn’t mean we don’t need to be careful. Of course we (U.S. society anyway) seem to be more focused on punishment than rehab in general, but I don’t need to go off on that tangent.

50

Why don’t you just call the sheriff’s department (since they’re the ones who sent you the letter) and ask what the guy did? If it’s not rape or something child-related then you probably have nothing to worry about.

51

[QUOTE=JThunder]
Convicted of being homosexual?

Um, cite?
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It WAS illegal to be gay in the old days. Remember anti-sodomy laws ?

52

Do they get put on sex registries, though? I mean, prostitutes and their customers are technically committing crimes involving sex, but I’ve never heard of them getting put on those kind of registries.

53

[QUOTE=ButterflyandBumblebee]
In my opinion why do anything?

Big deal. So now you know about one sex offender who lives in your neighborhood. What I’d be worried about is all the ones who have not been caught yet.
Not to mention that chances are if someone molests your children it’ll be a family member, not the creepy neighbor.

Meh. I just can’t get worked up over this stuff. And I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old myself.
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bolding mine
My thoughts exactly. I already have some level of caution about any person, particularly men, but part of that is my background.

54

Well, I asked… and I do appreciate everyone’s opinion. However, I must say I’m a bit surprised to see so many responses almost defending the person in question. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those people who believe the law is infallible, but I think it’s a little backwards to worry about my 200 neighbors who are not on the registry instead of the one who is on it. It’s possible he’s completely innocent, but unlikely. He almost certainly did something to get on that registry and I’m not about to give him a complete pass. Those of you who think it’s no big deal can be cavalier with your own childrens’ safety, but I won’t.

On the other hand, there was some good advice here and I appreciate it.

55

[QUOTE=Der Trihs]
It WAS illegal to be gay in the old days. Remember anti-sodomy laws ?
[/QUOTE]

If by “old days” you mean until 1995.

56

[QUOTE=Southern Yankee]
He almost certainly did something to get on that registry and I’m not about to give him a complete pass. Those of you who think it’s no big deal can be cavalier with your own childrens’ safety, but I won’t.
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My point is not that he’s innocent, but that he’s no more dangerous than a lot of other people who haven’t been caught. Take the same precautions you would with anyone who might harm your child, because anyone might.

57

[QUOTE=Southern Yankee]
Well, I asked.. and I do appreciate everyone’s opinion. However, I must say I’m a bit surprised to see so many responses almost defending the person in question. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those people who believe the law is infallible, but I think it’s a little backwards to worry about my 200 neighbors who are not on the registry instead of the one who is on it. It’s possible he’s completely innocent, but unlikely. He almost certainly did something to get on that registry and I’m not about to give him a complete pass. Those of you who think it’s no big deal can be cavalier with your own childrens’ safety, but I won’t.
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I don’t think we are so much defending the person as saying, “We don’t have enough evidence to convict him in advance of a potentially terrible, possibly future crime.”

Based on merely the name in the registry, we don’t have enough evidence to tell if his past crime was minor or major. He was convicted once, and deserves a chance to be considered innocent now until/unless you have evidence to the contrary. Also, the crime he was convicted for may no longer be a crime, since laws change.

Another consideration: sometimes the crime on the books isn’t the one that actually happened, but one that was plea bargained. AFAIK, this info isn’t recorded, so you have to take the records with a grain of salt.

I’m not saying he is good, but saying he is bad isn’t fair, either, even tho it might be a natural knee-jerk reaction.

58

[QUOTE=askeptic]

You will probably be surprised how many sex offenders live near you.
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And here’s a creepy little corollary: I was surprised to find out how many sex offenders were dating my ex-wife’s sister (one). I figured I’d enjoy a little game of “Who Are the Perverts in Your Neighborhood,” and up pops the guy’s face.

59

[QUOTE=saoirse]
And here’s a creepy little corollary: I was surprised to find out how many sex offenders were dating my ex-wife’s sister (one). I figured I’d enjoy a little game of “Who Are the Perverts in Your Neighborhood,” and up pops the guy’s face.
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How do you know where my neighborhood is? :eek: :smiley:

But seriously, are you going to tell her?

60

[QUOTE=askeptic]
How do you know where my neighborhood is? :eek: :smiley:

But seriously, are you going to tell her?
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I already e-mailed my ex. She will follow whatever sororital protocol she feels is necessary, but I don’t want the guy getting the equivalent of a “wave through security” that a sister’s SO would ordinarily get, when he’s around my kids.